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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017683">the baffled stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlelesspain/pseuds/alittlelesspain'>alittlelesspain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, when you're literal soulmates and you still fake marry each other because you're IDIOTS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:20:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlelesspain/pseuds/alittlelesspain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When scientist Alex Danvers crashlands on Krypton, she merely means to fulfill the lifelong promise she made to her father: to study the famously isolationist planet that he had revered in his heart for so long.</p><p>But Krypton's people are real, not merely the legends Alex has heard from her father since childhood, and they're not so pleased at this stranger invading their home. To save herself, Alex finds herself bonded in a marriage that she has no say in, to Astra, who secretly offers Alex a way to return to Earth, if only she can be patient.</p><p>But Astra has secrets of her own, that she has no plans of revealing. One of them, is that she is the soulmate that Alex had given up on finding a long time ago.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Astra/Alex Danvers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>217</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>General Danvers &amp; Supercat Week 5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. On the subject of soulmates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> On the subject of soulmates, it is not a secret that the discourse among the planets of the Federation is many and varied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The more ancient civilizations - such as those of Ma'aleca'andra and Tamaran - have long since accepted the idea of soulbonds, with Martians being physically linked to their soulmates from birth, and the Tamarananians being able to see through the eyes of theirs as soon as they come of age. Others, such as the Coluans, have long despised the concept, and have strived to eradicate the expression of it from their people altogether.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em> There are still other civilizations have previously been opposed to it, such as the famously isolationist Kryptonians, who only reconciled themselves to the idea following the Raoist reformation, which proclaimed soulbonds to be Rao’s will. Kryptonians are reported to feel a pull towards the location of their soulmate at all times, but this claim is hard to verify, as few have been allowed to enter or leave the planet since the closure of its borders 11 standard years ago. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Our young Earth, as it does in most issues of galactic debate, falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Many factions are vociferously against the theory of soulbonds, and just as many are in favour of it, but the majority of the population remains entirely indifferent to the discourse. </em>
</p><p>- from <em> A Multi-Disciplinary Approach to Xenology </em>, by Dr. Elizabeth J. Danvers</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The third time Alex met Astra was in the Codex building, with the two of them meeting up in front of a nondescript grey machine that was projecting a holographic screen into the air before them.</p><p>“Are you ready?” Astra asked Alex.</p><p>Alex started at the screen, and then back at her fiancée.</p><p>
  <em> Fiancée. </em>
</p><p>Even in her private thoughts, the word sounded strange to Alex. Her previous relationships had barely lasted long enough to warrant the title of girlfriend. Now, all of a sudden, she had a <em> fiancée. </em></p><p>“Are you ready?” Astra repeated again, this time in Standard, as if she thought her speaking Kryptonese was what had caused Alex to be slow at responding.</p><p>Alex glanced sidelong at the array of half-a-dozen Kryptonian soldiers stationed along the entrance wall of the room.</p><p>“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?” she asked, turning back to face Astra.</p><p>She felt only a twinge of guilt when Astra looked away, the muscles of her face twitching. It wasn’t Astra’s fault that those soldiers arrayed along the wall would kill Alex at a single word from their commander. It wasn’t even really the fault of the soldiers, who probably didn’t have any personal animosity against Alex. </p><p>Really, if it was anyone’s fault, it was probably Alex’s, for crash-landing onto a planet that was infamous for turning away anyone but the most essential visitors. </p><p>“Just tell me what to do,” Alex mumbled, gesturing at the machine in front of her.</p><p>“Press your thumb here,” Astra directed her, pressing her own thumb on the screen so that Alex would know what to do. “The machine will automatically register you with the Codex at that point, filed as a pending member of the House of Ze, at which point you’ll be allowed freedom to go anywhere on Krypton until... future arrangements.”</p><p>Alex did as directed without argument. As soon as her thumb pressed the screen, she also saw the soldiers move out of the corner of her eye, silently filing out of the room as if that was the signal they had been waiting for. As if on cue, Astra too seemed to relax minutely from her awkwardly stern bearing, a long breath escaping her. </p><p>“The Council will provide you with an identification stylus soon,” she said. “You’ll need to keep it with you at all times.”</p><p>Alex nodded, and Astra seemed to understand that she wasn't in the mood for verbal replies, because she just continued talking.</p><p>“Some of your luggage was salvaged from your ship,” she said, stepping away from the machine and waving the screen out of existence. “The Council had it all examined, but my sister has retrieved all of it now, and is sending it over to my house. An inconvenience, but I’m sure you agree that it could've been worse”</p><p>Alex nodded again, and still silent, fell into step with Astra as she led the way out of the room, though she furtively studied the alien out of the corner of her eye as they walked.</p><p>Alex couldn’t help it; she was a scientist, used to cataloguing everything extraterrestrial that she came across, sapient or not, and the Kryptonian was as alien as it got. But, Astra remained as opaque to study as the first day that Alex had met her, which, to be fair, had only been a few days ago. She still wore the nondescript black uniform that seemed to be standard issue to all members of Krypton’s space fleet. She still carried herself with a stiffness that only seemed to disappear when she forgot that anyone was watching her. She still refused to meet Alex’s eyes unless it was absolutely necessary.</p><p>She was, still, a complete mystery to Alex.</p><p>“Astra?” Alex voiced the name before her brain was finished fully figuring out why.</p><p>Astra turned her head back for only a brief moment to show Alex that she was listening.</p><p>Alex stalled, trying to figure out where to start, because there was so much she wanted to ask. <em> How are you so calm about this? Why did you agree to this, when you don’t even know me? Do you even care that you’re soon to be married to someone who was clearly forced into the arrangement? </em></p><p>“What do you mean, it could be worse?” Alex asked, instead.</p><p>Astra frowned, looking over Alex’s shoulder, rather than at her directly.</p><p>“Chief-Commander Zod wanted you arrested as soon as you were awake,” she said. “He had soldiers lining the entire length of the hallway, as soon as the retrieval team brought you into the hospital ward.”</p><p>Alex blinked, remembering the figures in formless combat suits, who had been training their weapons on her with a detached remorselessness, when she had first woken up. Astra’s presence had kept them at bay, but now Alex wondered... had she been meant to wake up with one of those eerie looking guns held to her temple?</p><p>Instead, she had woken up in a peaceful hospital ward, to a pair of bright blue eyes in the face of a curious little girl, and her aunt who had sounded more exasperated than evil, as she had told her niece to stop bothering Alex.</p><p>Had that been Astra’s doing, to make sure that Alex’s first glimpse of Krypton, at least, had not been one of sterility and violence? Alex studied her harder, trying to figure it out if it was. </p><p>“Why?” she asked.</p><p>Astra misunderstood her question.</p><p>“If you know enough to make your way here, then you must know enough about our ways to know the reason why Zod would want you arrested,” she said. “In his eyes, you invaded the planet that he has spent his entire life keeping others out of. How did you plan to get out of this unscathed? Were you not aware that the usual punishment for interlopers on Krypton is to be thrown back out into the cold vacuum of space?. Do you think your fragile human body could have survived that?”</p><p>The barrage of questions came fast and unrelentingly hard, but Alex didn’t bother answering them, still too stuck on her own. </p><p>“Then why did any of you bother saving me in the first place?” she snapped. “Why not just let me die in the crash?”</p><p>Astra’s jaw clenched, and she looked away. “No doubt Zod wishes you had. That would have made things much easier for him, to drag your corpse to the Council as a trophy.”</p><p>Alex, despite her resolution, flinched at the violence of the words. Astra looked back at her then, and Alex expected another aggravated sigh, perhaps even another barrage of questions. </p><p>She didn’t expect the fleeting glance of uncertainty thrown at her, nor the hand reaching out to clasp Alex’s and then retreating just as quickly, so quickly that Alex might almost think she had imagined it. </p><p>And then Astra’s voice, lowered in register, taking on a gentler and almost familiar tone. “You’ll be alright, now. He won’t hurt you; I promise.”</p><p>And it was stupid, and entirely illogical, but Alex believed her.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>One day ago</b>
</p><p>The second time Alex met Astra was to shout at her, for explaining to Alex what she would have to do to survive on Krypton.</p><p>“This is not a visa!” Alex hissed, slapping the thin crystal-looking tablet down on Astra’s desk. It didn’t show the slightest crack, despite the violence of her moment. “It’s a marriage contract!”</p><p>Astra looked unmoved. “Yes.”</p><p>“I don’t want to marry you!”</p><p>At Alex’s exclamation, something shifted in Astra’s face. Alex had thought her closed off from the moment she had seen her, but now her face was like a tombstone. </p><p>“The sanctuary laws could only save you for so long. You’ll need to be claimed by some house or other, to gain the diplomatic immunity needed to stay on Krypton.”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Alex echoed, incredulously. “<em> Claimed?” </em></p><p>Astra looked both bored and annoyed now, as if a cockroach had suddenly started to protest, as she had begun to crush it with her toe.</p><p>“Is there something wrong with your hearing as well?”</p><p>“You can’t just-” Alex stumbled, and then rallied. “I can’t just marry you.”</p><p>“Only Kryptonians are allowed on Krypton,” Astra replied, in such a deliberately patient way that Alex wanted to throw the water in the vase on the table into her face, just to see her react. “You are too old to be adopted into a House in the usual way, and the only other way allowed under our laws is marriage.”</p><p>Alex quelled the retort on her tongue when she realized that this particular strain of argument was going nowhere.</p><p>“Why would you even agree to this?” she asked, instead. “What’s in it for you?”</p><p>Astra looked at her, actually <em> looked </em> at her for once, and then her gaze went down at her desk, dismissive again.</p><p>“As I said, my sister arranged the details, not I. I happened to be the only one of my house currently available.”</p><p>“So refuse!”</p><p>“Would you prefer to die?” Astra asked. “That’s the alternative, in case it hasn’t sunk in.”</p><p>Alex seethed, pacing around the office in agitation.</p><p>“This can’t be right,” she muttered to herself, shaky feet crossing from one wall to the other, while Astra watched. “I’m a scientist, my dad sent me here to do <em> research, </em>you can’t just-”</p><p>She stumbled over her words, as her outrage overtook her coherency.</p><p>“I can’t do this,” Alex said, finally. “Not here, not with you. I have a home, I have <em> someone-” </em></p><p>She stopped dead in her agitated tracks, wondering what on Earth her brain had meant by that. The truth was, Alex had no one else, unless she meant her father waiting for her, back on Earth, waiting for her to return with her research notes on the planet that had obsessed them both for so long. But, that was clearly not what Alex’s brain had meant.</p><p>Astra tilted her head. For the first time, she was frowning.</p><p>Alex looked away from her, unable to take that curious gaze when her mind felt like it was crashing, with too many thoughts from too many directions.</p><p>“I felt something,” she muttered feverishly, sinking blindly into the nearest furniture that resembled a chair in the office. “There was someone- they were holding me and-”</p><p>But the memory got more and more slippery as Alex tried to grab at it, eventually slithering away altogether. Instead, Alex just remembered the pain of crashing to Krypton, so much pain that she felt like she was going to pass out from it, and fire, all around her, the smoke of it choking her lungs until she had passed out. </p><p>Alex scrubbed her face with hands that shook from those memories. When she looked up again, Astra was frowning.</p><p>“You don’t remember,” she said.</p><p>“Remember what?” Alex snarled, piqued by how calm Astra was, like Alex was the child here, the one who wasn’t making any sense.</p><p>Astra was very quiet for a very long time, frowning off into the distance. And then, she turned and <em> glared </em> at Alex, her gaze white hot. She looked betrayed for some reason, and Alex felt pinned by that gaze, felt guilty for some reason, even though she had no reason to. </p><p>“There is another way,” Astra said, finally.</p><p>Alex sagged, the anger going out of her all at once, as confusion set in instead. “What?”</p><p>“If you want a way out of this, there is one,” Astra said. “But, you’ll have to be patient.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>Two days ago</b>
</p><p>The first time Alex met Astra, was also the first time she regained consciousness after crash-landing on Krypton.</p><p>She regained consciousness to the feeling of something firm poking into her cheeks, then retracting, then poking again.</p><p>“Is she dead?”</p><p>Alex blearily registered that the speaker’s voice sounded young. Some moments later, still in a haze, she realized that the question had been asked in Kryptonese, and did not seem to be addressed to her. She tried to answer anyway, but her body felt like lead, refusing to even twitch at her command.</p><p>More painful poking at her body.</p><p>“I think she really is dead, Aunt Astra.” The speaker sounded more interested than appalled, as if Alex being dead was only marginally more interesting than Alex being alive.</p><p>“Stop mauling her, Little One.” This voice that spoke this time sounded older, perhaps a little tired, or exasperated.</p><p>The youthful one replied, reproachful. “I was only checking.”</p><p>Alex finally managed to get a word out. She meant it to be a “What?”. By the time it escaped her lips, which seemed to be fused shut, it sounded more like “Bleeargh?”</p><p>At that, silence fell. When Alex finally managed to get her eyes open, there were a set of startlingly blue eyes studying her, out of the face of a kid.</p><p>“She <em> is </em> alive.”</p><p>“Kara, go to your mother.” The other occupant came into view, her face practically a prison compared to the blatantly curious face of the kid’s. </p><p>Alex turned instinctively to keep the taller figure in view, which was how she managed to crane her neck enough to see the array of half a dozen soldiers falling into place behind the speaker, their faces hidden behind impartial visors, and their bodies sheathed in a similarly featureless black uniform.</p><p>Except for the one who had spoken to Alex, they were all armed to the hilt with eerie-looking weapons. Weapons, Alex realized with a spike of fear, that were pointed directly at her, tracking every minute shift of her near-immobile body.</p><p>Only the kid didn’t seem to sense the imminent danger present in the room, merely looking reluctant to leave, as she had been asked to. “But, I’m just-”</p><p>“<em> Now </em>, little one.”</p><p>At that stern warning, the kid <em> books </em> it out of the room, weaving through the armed soldiers with no fear, as if she simply didn’t even comprehend that the weapons could be turned against her. </p><p>Alex, still trying to get her body to do something, <em> anything, </em>moved her eyeballs between the silent soldiers, and then back to the figure staring down at her, who finally sank down to Alex’s level.</p><p>“Can you understand me?”</p><p>Alex tried to nod her head, failed, and settled for blinking her eyes slowly.</p><p>The speaker seemed to get it. “Good. I need you to be fully cognizant of what I’m about to tell you. I’m General Astra, and you’re under arrest for breaking Krypton’s sovereignty laws.”</p><p>Her eyes skittered away from Alex then, but soon came back to meet her gaze again, to hold Alex’s suddenly wide eyes with her own, unmoved ones. </p><p>“Do exactly as I say, if you wish to survive.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>But, the truth was, Alex was quite mistaken. The first time that she thought she met Astra was not, in fact, the first time she had met her.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>3 days ago</b>
</p><p>The first time Alex really met Astra,  Alex knew she was going to die. </p><p>She had been a dead woman as soon as the navigation panel had blinked out of operation, and the ship had reeled out of Krypton’s orbit and begun its inexorable descent to the planet below. But, the reinforced structure of the control room meant that Alex was allowed to live for a few extra minutes after the crash landing.</p><p>Not that those few extra minutes would change anything, considering that at least one of her legs was badly mangled from the crash, and she could barely see through the smoke and blood coating her face. </p><p>She fought to breathe, though the effort of it hurt her battered chest more than she had ever known anything could hurt. She had to get out of here before the ship blew up altogether, Alex knew, for that was surely minutes away. If only she could get her legs to move, if only her eyes could make out anything through the smoke, if only she could stop hacking up a lung, then maybe she could-</p><p>Alex sagged, her breathing coming shallower, as the pain and unfamiliar atmosphere made it too hard for her lungs to continue working. So, this was it. She felt tears fill her eyes, mingling with the blood and ash already coating her face. The tears weren’t simply from the pain. It was also from the realization that she was going to die before she even turned thirty, on a strange planet, far away from her father or mother or anybody who even knew her name. She had spent half her life working towards this journey to Krypton, and now it was over before it had even really started.</p><p>And then, out of nowhere, Alex felt something bodily lift her up. Every bone in her body protested painfully to this manhandling, and she must have groaned something out in pain, because there was a voice speaking words in awkwardly-shaped Standard. </p><p>“It’s alright. You’re safe.”</p><p>And then, her body was carried hurriedly away from the smoke and fire. Every jostle of movement was painful, exquisitely so, when she was already so battered, but suddenly the pain hadn’t mattered because Alex had Known.</p><p>So this was it. This was the thing other humans had spoken of, the thing that her mother and father had supposedly had, when they had first met each other and immediately known they were meant to be together. </p><p>But, what was her soulmate doing on another planet?</p><p>And then, her body had finally given out, and Alex had felt and seen nothing at all. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>4 days ago</b>
</p><p>When she was quite young, Astra In-Ze had dreamt of having a soulmate. She knew this because, even as an adult, she still had vague memories of waking up gasping in bed, feeling a pull upwards so strong that she was surprised she hadn’t crashed right through the ceiling of her room into the night sky outside. </p><p>They were only dreams, however, and even the dreams had died out before she had even begun to learn to read. Astra had been too young to register their abrupt end, let alone care. </p><p>Now well into her adulthood, Astra still did not care to dwell on the subject of soulmates, during the scant moments when she had time to spare to dwell on anything. Many on Krypton had soulmates. Some didn’t. Astra had long since reconciled herself to being of the latter, one of the statistical exceptions that proved the rule. She had thrown herself into her work instead, rising to unheard-of heights in Krypton’s spacefleet, for one so young. </p><p>It had been a shock, therefore, when she returned home one night from another routine patrol of her designated sector of Krypton’s orbital border, and suddenly felt a tug against her body so hard, that it felt as if a galaxy-range freighter had hooked itself directly into her heart, and was ripping it out of her chest and inexorably upwards.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! I hope you like it so far.</p><p>I had such high hopes for this ship week, y’all. I was going to write at least two (2) fics this time! But, on account of who I am as a person, I managed to sign up for one ship week and two big bangs that were all due in this week, so I managed to finish only one (1) fic after all. But, it is long and self-indulgent and I put a lot of my favourite romantic tropes into it, because these two deserve it all. It was a dream to write and hope y’all enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed writing it 🥺</p><p>This fic is to cover the "Teamwork" , "Stuck Together", and "Distance" themes of the GDW prompts.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. An unexpected friend, and an equally unexpected kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Her soulmate was wheezing out pained gasps of breath when Astra found her, her face crusted with a toxic sludge of ash and blood. It was all Astra could do to rip away parts of machinery that had collapsed on top of her, to allow her free access to lift the body up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra felt the bones of her soulmate’s body shift as she lifted them up, and realized she was probably doing even more damage to her by handling her in this manner. But, Krypton’s medical personnel could do wonders even to the most severe injuries, and the more pressing concern was to get this stranger out of the immediate danger of the coruscating ship, and then out of the imminent danger of Zod’s retrieval team.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She looked frail in Astra’s hands, as Astra rushed her into a borrowed flyer, depositing her over the back seat. A broken bird, the thought immediately came to Astra, though birds had been extinct on Krypton for decades. But that was exactly what her soulmate looked like, with her slight body so thoroughly battered.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You will be alright,” Astra found herself saying. Perhaps it was only to reassure herself, because her soulmate did not seem capable of hearing her, just at that moment.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who was this stranger, who had called to Astra so? Why had she done this to herself? How long had she journeyed alone across that nothingness of space to reach Krypton?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And then, a thought that had no right to be so hopeful... had she come to find Astra?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra didn’t allow herself to waste any more precious time on that self-indulgent thought, but a kernel of it persisted, as she piloted the flyer away from the crash site. So long had she ruthlessly quashed any remaining dream that one existed for her, had piled work and familiar duties and every other distraction on herself to take away from the bitter disappointment of that. And then, hers had fallen straight out of the sky. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Surely, it must mean something.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><span>Krypton was very similar to Earth in many aspects, which was much worse than if it had been entirely different, because it was the little things that kept tripping Alex up. She would let down her guard, and her brain would almost think she was on Earth, and then yet another quirk of the planet or its people would show up, and have Alex realizing all over again just far from home she was. In something as simple as a walk down a flowered path, Alex had been inspecting the species of flora, her professional curiosity aroused, when a nearby surrus</span> <span>blossom had </span><em><span>squeaked</span></em><span> in greeting at her, making Alex jump from the unexpected noise.</span></p><p>
  <span>These unexpected diversions from familiar taxonomy aside, there was Astra’s house to deal with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least, Alex was quite sure it was Astra’s house, although the presumed owner herself rarely made an appearance there, after having flown Alex there following her brief stay at the hospital. Alex wasn’t quite sure whether Astra kept away because she rarely spent time at the house in general, or because she wanted to avoid Alex. Either way, Alex was quite glad for the opportunity to take Krypton in on her own terms, in her own time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only, Alex wasn’t outside now, doing that. Instead, she was spending her time exploring the house itself, trying to get an idea of who Astra was, in her absence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Alex had found so far was unnerving, to say the least. Though neat, the house showed no real signs that anyone lived there. The appliances in what seemed to be the cooking area, looked new, and the shelves were mostly stocked with rows of ready-to-eat foods and snacks. The only room that showed any signs of actual habitation was the largest bedroom, wherein Alex spotted several black suits of the kind she had seen Astra wearing, arranged in an eerily uniform line along one wall. Other than that, only a framed photo by the weirdly lowered bed, of a familiar-looking blue-eyed toddler, showed any signs that someone lived there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex backed out of the room, feeling a sense of unease. How could someone live here? Who was this nonentity that she was supposed to share a home and a life with?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, wandering out of the back door of the house, and into a reddish-purple yard, Alex finally found what she had unconsciously been seeking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small garden there, overlooking the lake that Alex had already spotted running behind the house. The garden was clearly tended to with some sort of regularity, even if the plants grew in too uneven rows for it to be the work of a hired professional. Alex felt her breath catch. Finally. Someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>cared </span>
  </em>
  <span>for this garden, if somewhat incompetently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let out a sigh of relief, and sank into the dewy grass, her heart settling at the first sign that the owner of this house cared about something other than mechanically going through the motions of life. Alex let her practised eyes run over the rows of now-familiar plants, trying to understand everything that had happened to her in the past few days.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What did you expect?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Astra had asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down at her hands. Not this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While her mother, Eliza Danvers, had been a famed xenologist, renowned on Earth for her work on the cultures of various intergalactic species, her father Jeremiah had specialized on Krypton to the point of obsession, and had taught Alex everything he knew in turn.Even so, Alex liked to think that she had followed in her parents’ hallowed footsteps neither out of nepotism, nor from the need to impress them. She saw the beauty in the life that had flourished in so many parts of the galaxy, but Alex had also never been naive. She did not see Krypton with the rapturous rose-colored glasses that Jeremiah did, nor did she take her mother’s analysis of Krypton’s brilliantly engineered utopia at face value. Such a society was admirable, but it had to be weighed against the fact that its people had turned their face against the rest of the galaxy forever, closing their planet to all but the most essential trade. When Alex had volunteered to be Jeremiah guinea pig, the first to go on on what could very likely be a one-way mission, it was professional pride that had fuelled her, more than idealism.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even so, Alex had not expected this... coldness. This complete disregard, rather than hatred, of life that wasn’t theirs. It was antithetical to everything she’d been raised to believe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra who, cold and unwinning as she might be, had still listened.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll be alright, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned, getting that odd feeling again, that she was forgetting something. Usually, when her brain kept nagging, it was because she had missed something of importance. Or, had it really just been a dream, that voice, and that feeling of arms around her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook off those thoughts, looking around her with a new resolve. Her father hadn’t sent her to Krypton to navel gaze, or dwell on disquieting dreams. Someday - perhaps sooner rather than later, if Astra kept to her word - she’d find a way to escape from here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But until then, she’d keep to her mission as solidly as any scientist trained by the two brightest minds on Earth would. When she finally got out, Alex determined, it wouldn’t simply be to turn tail and run; it would also be to give the galaxy the first inside look at Krypton in almost 30 years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that promise established with herself, she got up and went back into the house, ignoring the faint twinge of guilt that still persisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was when Alex saw that she had a visitor.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m Kara,” announced the kid, who had been roaming about the main room like it belonged to her, and then rushed on. “Please don’t tell Mother I’m here. I’m supposed to be doing my take home work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mother?” Alex studied the striking blue eyes and blond hair, before something jogged her memory. “Ah. You’re Astra’s niece. The one who was so interested in my corpse, when I first landed here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara nodded, not looking embarrassed in the least at being remembered this way, before stepping closer to Alex. She studied Alex back, curiosity written all over her face, before producing a wrapped square from behind her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she said. “I brought these for you. Mother says I’m not allowed to have sweets anymore, but she also says that I should always bring a gift when visiting, so I think I’m allowed to buy them for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gingerly took the offered box, eyeing it askance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, um, don’t really like sweets,” she said. “And that’s assuming that I can even eat this without getting sick, but thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If anything, Kara looked pleased rather than disappointed, as she snatched the sweets back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have to eat it myself, then. Mother wouldn’t like it if I threw away food.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex eyed her suspiciously, wondering if she had just been had, but the innocent blue eyes looking up at her were guileless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you really crashland here all the way from Earth?” Kara asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there was quite a bit of space between there and here, where I was doing some pretty good flying,” Alex said, smarting a little at her navigational skills being derided so. “But, the final stretch ended in a crash, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Kara remarked. “Well, Aunt Astra does say that Earth’s technology is inferior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was still looking at Alex with interest, though, which was better than the impersonal disregard that Alex was used to, after only a week on the planet, while she walked around the room as if she simply could not stand still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, can I help you?” Alex asked, turning to keep the pacing girl in her sights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a penpal from Earth,” Kara announced suddenly, flopping on the sofa-like beds in the room, which were again too low to the ground for Alex’s comfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. “Ok?” And then, as the words sunk in, she modified her response. “How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We communicate by ansible to circumvent the lightspeed barrier,” Kara said, and the words rolled off her tongue so naturally that Alex had to stare. “She says that she’s going to run a company someday, when she grows up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” Alex thought about it. “Well, they’d have to be loaded to afford an ansible, so I don’t think that’s anyone I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara looked at her as if </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the odd one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not,” she said. “There are almost four billion people on Earth now, aren’t there? How would you know the specific one that I was talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex snorted. “Right. That too, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mother wouldn’t let me come and see you before,” Kara said. “I think she thought that I’d be afraid to meet an Earthling, but there’s nothing scary about you. You’re as unremarkable and harmless as my aunt told me you were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rolled her eyes. Trust Astra to make something that was supposed to be a compliment so backhanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’ve seen me, and I don’t have horns,” she said, spreading her arms out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara’s forehead wrinkles. “Are horns... bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s mind stalled. Oh, right, context. Cultural context was important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind,” she said. “Shouldn’t you be running off before your mother finds you missing, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara shrugged. “I’ve already done my work, actually. Extrapolation from approximate wave functions is easy. I could do it in my sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Alex tried to ignore the urge to massage her temples. “Well done, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So what if they had a ten year old doing the kind of calculations that took her until university to learn on Earth? She decided to keep that piece of insight to herself, to save herself the public mortification.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother says you’ll have to share my classes at the guild from next month onward,” Kara said, with no such regard for Alex’s pride. “That should help you catch up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex balked. Though she had not yet met Alura, she was aware that she owed her gratitude, for helping Astra secure Alex’s claim for sanctuary. But that gratitude, Alex was determined to establish, would not extend to sitting in on a classful of </span>
  <em>
    <span>actual children</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deciding that was an argument that she needed to have with Alura, rather than with her daughter, Alex let Kara’s remark go unchallenged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she let the kid tug at her hand, and let Kara lead her around the house, explaining the little technological quirks of it that Alex had missed in her own scrutiny. This task established, Kara led her into the area that Alex had guessed to be the kitchen, under the guise of explaining the appliances there as well. Alex noted, with discreet amusement, that certain snacks were disappearing from the shelves at a pretty high rate, while Kara showed Alex how to operate the various heating and storage elements in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let that pass by without comment, feeling for the first time since she had landed on Krypton, something like fondness spark in her, as she watched the little ball of energy whirl about the house, scarfing down snacks and chattering away to Alex as if they had known each other all their lives.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astra had visited the In-Ze estate with the intention of rounding Kara up for the day, taking her out to the fresh market or the docks, or wherever else her ever-wandering niece was in the mood to explore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did not intend to run into her twin instead, Alura being home early for a rare change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra!” Alura’s look of surprise was understandable. Astra rarely put a foot on the estate unless it was to visit Kara, and even then she preferred their meetings to take place elsewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura recovered quickly, however.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good that you’re here,” she said, hurrying over, as she pulled a crystal stele out of her robes. “The council finally gave me Alexandra’s credentials. I was going to send it over with a courier, but perhaps it would be better if you gave it to her yourself. She seems more receptive to you than to anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra took it, with only a wry look to signal her disbelief in Alura’s optimism. Although Alex had, on the whole, been polite enough to her, Astra was under no illusion that there was any fondness lost there. The only receptiveness that she could remember between her and Alex was when her face had almost received the vase of water that Alex had clearly considered throwing at her, when she had confronted Astra in her office about the marriage contract. Astra neglected to mention that, and simply stowed the stele away under one arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll be busy looking over the house this week,” she said. “I’ll give this to her along with the information stylus when I visit next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura looked puzzled, as Astra fell into step with her. “You don’t plan to stay with her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra set her jaw. “I thought she might prefer some time alone, to get used to her new surroundings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She resolutely looked away from the searching glance that Alura threw her way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra?” Alura prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Astra finally looked back at her, Alura was frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When Alexandra crash-landed, Zor-El told me that you found her even before the retrieval team that Commander Zod sent did,” she said. “How were you able to find her before even the Fleet’s sensors could track her down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Astra didn’t respond to that, she moved closer. Astra felt slender fingers, deceptively strong, lift up her chin, forcing her to look up into a face that was so similar to hers, although Astra was sure that her eyes had never been so unguarded, nor her mouth so easily given to smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As a matter of fact,” Alura continued, “How did you know where she was, in the first place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra wrenched away from the hold, and looked down. She didn’t need to say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Alura whispered. “It can’t be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra gave a sharp jerk of her head. When she looked back up, Alura looked both confused and overwhelmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You never said anything, before, about having a soulmate,” she said, a betrayed look overtaking the confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was nothing to tell,” Astra said. “I never knew I had one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alura was shaking her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span> have known,” she said. “You must have felt her!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had dreams,” she said. “When I was young, even younger than Kara is now. Or, at least, I thought they were dreams.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She screwed up her forehead as she tried to recall those memories of long ago, those half-hazy dreams of her flying into the sky, up and up and up, and never coming back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They stopped just before I was enlisted into my first guild lessons.” Astra studied the veins of her hands, translucent and stretched out thinly across the skin, as they tended to get when Astra’s didn’t sleep well. “Until last night, when I felt her blazing in a line right across the sky and I- I knew I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to act, Alura.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she glanced at Alura again, her twin seemed to be thinking very hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we took our first guild lessons,” Alura echoed, slowly, as if her words were still trying to catch up to her brain. “Astra, that was when the border shield around Krypton was first erected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra nodded, already having come to the conclusion that Alura was now reaching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And last night, Alex crashed through them in her pitiful wreck of a spaceship,” she said. “Rao knows how she navigated through the asteroid clusters, in that thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she spoke, she had instinctively turned her head to the direction that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex to be in, although the human was too far away for it to do Astra any good, and then stopped abruptly, at hearing the frazzled worry in her own voice, and shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, none of that matters now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura frowned, following Astra’s gaze, as if she had guessed exactly what pulled her toward that direction. “What do you mean, it doesn’t matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra set her jaw. “Because, my dear sister, I don’t intend to force her to stay here.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astra didn’t return home until the end of the week, although Alex didn’t actually feel the loss, between the abundant stock of food in the kitchen, and the fully furnished but hitherto unused entertainment centre that she found in yet another room of the house. Instead of waiting around for her odd housemate to return, Alex set to her promised goal with a vengeance, settling herself down to study and note as much as she could of Krypton, from its culture, to its scientific breakthroughs, to its literature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did allow herself to step outside once in a while, usually accompanied by Kara, who called by the house at least once a day, and who seemed to have taken it upon herself to be Alex’s unofficial guide to Krypton. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Alex could not help but notice that, every time she followed Kara as the girl weaved fearlessly through the parks and food stalls of the city, there were those who seemed to instinctively pick up on the telltale signs that Alex was not one of them. There were constant sidelong glances at her, although Kryptonians were too polite to approach her directly about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For her part, Alex ignored their stares, and simply followed Kara around, focusing on studying the architecture and biology teeming around her, the natural beauty that non-Kryptonians rarely got a chance to see. It was strangely contradictory how the architecture of Krypton, so evolved as it was, looped itself so effortlessly around the natural vegetation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything about Krypton was contradictory, Alex was finding out, as she studied it more. It was one of the rare planets in the entire Federation that was so technologically advanced, and yet still isolationist. It was also Kryptonians who had once been insatiable explorers of the cosmos, being one of the first to chart out the living species of their entire galaxy. Then there had come a bitter civil war, Alex knew, and that disaster where their moon had been almost destroyed. Suddenly, the entire planet had been shut off from contact, and its people had become more legend than truth. Its skies were vigilantly protected by the ferocious space fleet of Krypton, so that only thoroughly vetted officials and diplomats would be allowed to enter or leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until Alex Danvers had managed to crash into the planet, and miraculously survive her ignoble reentry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex took her miraculous survival as a sign to work her ass off, and dived into the wealth of information provided to her on the crystal steles that Astra had left arrayed in the entertainment centre, which seemed to work in a way parallel, although dissimilar, to how Alex’s digital tablets from Earth did. Her solitude afforded her the perfect opportunity to concentrate all her efforts into sifting through the vast swathes of information presented to her, trying to condense each part of it into audio bytes that she recorded for later transcription. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More often than not, though, Alex found herself distracted by the very subject she was researching, losing herself for hours in reading, before coming to herself with a start, realizing that she had completely forgotten to narrate any notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was by the fifth evening of this, when Alex was halfway through yet another book that had been touted to be a seminal work of late Kryptonian literature, mouthing the Kryptonese to herself awkwardly, when the front door slid open with a soft click.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex looked up absentmindedly, expecting it to be Kara again, and wondering why her mother would be letting the kid visit so late, only to see Astra cross the threshold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt herself rooted to the ground where she sat, as if she had been an intruder caught in the act. She found herself subtly trying to slide the stele she had been studying out of Astra’s line of vision. Which was irrational, seeing as it was Astra herself who had given her permission to live here, and surely she hadn’t been expecting Alex to simply vegetate her days away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra, for her part, seemed equally ill at ease as she approached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening, Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening.” Alex parroted the greeting back in Standard, glad that Astra at least chose not to use Kryptonese with her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Astra looked unsure of how to continue the conversation, before seeming to remember something, and reached into her pocket. Her hand remerged with another crystal stele, this one much thinner than the ones Alex had seen so far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your identification stylus,” Astra said. “My sister managed to get the High Council to expedite its processing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hoped that she didn’t look too eager as she grabbed for it, turning it over in her hand. The tablet flashed briefly when her fingers landed on it, and her face appeared on the flat side of the crystal, along with her name transliterated into Kryptonese.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex decided to examine it in greater detail later, throwing up a fleeting glance at Astra instead. She was surprised to see that Astra was studying her as closely as Alex had been studying the stylus, rather than avoiding her gaze as usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Alex asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a short intake of breath. When Astra spoke again, her voice sounded tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sister reminded me... the wedding will have to be set soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s heart sank. Suddenly, the tablet in her hands, rather than being another shiny new piece of technology for her to examine, felt like a lead weight, another thing anchoring her to this forsaken planet. To this planet, and to Astra, who seemed so reluctant to face the inevitability of their union, that she could only refer to it passively even when talking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose there’s no point in arguing again how archaic this is,” Alex said, although she had no real hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra didn’t look furious, at being confronted with such a useless argument again. Instead, she was staring at the wall above Alex, her jaw set, and she seemed very far away. Then, she seemed to snap back out of it, and was focused on Alex again, with that unnervingly intense stare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was not lying,” she said, abruptly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was so startled that the tablet almost dropped out of her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was not lying,” Astra repeated, more slowly. “When I told you that there was a way out of this planet, I meant it”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared at her, wondering if this was some cruel cat and mouse game, or Astra’s idea of a prank, but Astra forged on without waiting for an answer from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve read your father’s books,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt exhausted by the many turns this brief conversation had already taken, and wondered if this was simply something she should get used to in conversation with Kryptonians, or a delightful quirk unique to Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, Krypton doesn’t let in anything but essential trade,” she said, as that suddenly struck her. “How could you have- “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off as Astra walked away from her, but the general didn’t leave the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, Astra headed over to the tall bookshelf of the other side of the room, the singular one of its kind in the entire house, hosting a pitifully small collection of hardback books, compared to the library that Alex had left behind. Alex had planned to rifle through its contents herself, in her days of solitude, but the myriad of information and literature present on the digital tablets had seduced her instead, so that she had had time to only give a cursory onceover of the bookshelf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Astra reached up to the topmost shelf, and pulled out a very thin-spined book, that had been so thoroughly sandwiched between two hardcovers that Alex had missed it altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gasped at the slim book that was deposited into her hands, a yellowing copy of </span>
  <em>
    <span>A Guide to Kryptonese Linguistics, by Jeremiah Danvers. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The papers were creased enough for her to tell that someone had definitely read this book, instead of merely slotting it into the shelf for showcasing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bought it on the one time that I was allowed to travel off-planet,” Astra said. “Zor-El had to go on a diplomatic mission to Starhaven, as a representative of the Council. He insisted on bringing Kara with him, and I was assigned to be her guard, when he was in meetings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked, momentarily distracted by wondering how Alura’s husband had been able to go all the way to Starhaven by himself, when the soulmates of Krypton had an urge to be near each other at all times. How had he managed the pain of being away from Kara’s mother for so long? But Astra’s face had softened slightly, as if remembering some happy memory, before realigning itself to its familiar hard angles and planes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve read it?” Alex asked, after some moments of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra threw her a sideways look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have read most of the intergalactic literature on the culture of Krypton,” she said. “Almost uniformly, across the scholarship of many scattered planets, there emerges a uniform characterization of us as haughty, inbred snobs. Your father, at least, offered us the rare decency of acknowledging that perhaps </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t see ourselves that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need to tiptoe around your criticism,” Alex said, stung nevertheless. “Part of being a good scholar is acknowledging that our scholarship may be flawed, and needs improvement, as we get </span>
  <em>
    <span>access</span>
  </em>
  <span> to better information.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had meant the last part to be a barb, but Astra merely acknowledged it with a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, I should tell you that even your father was wrong about one thing,” she said. “Krypton’s isolationist policy did not simply arise from our desire to protect ourselves from the intrusion of others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. She didn’t remember everything she had read so far about the civil war that had raged on the planet, before the Raoists had taken over, and shut Krypton off from the outside world altogether, and she certainly couldn't recall whatever Jeremiah Danvers had said about the closure of its borders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Krypton was too interconnected with the other worlds of the Federation,” Astra said. “Our civil war extended tendrils of chaos to every planet that we traded with. Many economic systems were thrown into havoc, in addition to the maelstrom of war on my planet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s mouth opened, her intense interest in this new information warring with an immediate desire to know how it connected with the escape that Astra had promised her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that have to do with you knowing a way out for me?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra finally turned to face her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When the Raoists closed the planet off to all but essential trade, it was as much to protect outsiders as to safeguard ourselves,” she said. “I’ll admit that, over the years, those such as Zod have twisted this ideal into something less noble. But, at the core, Kryptonians have not truly lost our old ways of wanting to help others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at Alex intently again, as if this should mean something to her. Alex, completely lost as to what was expected of her, just looked back. For some reason, she desperately wanted to provide Astra with whatever response she was expecting, but she simply couldn’t figure out what it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s why you’re helping me?” she guessed, desperately. “Is that what you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked away. “What I mean is that not all Kryptonians agree with Commander Zod’s policy of zero contact. In fact, several members of the great houses have used their diplomatic clout and wealth to send annual aid ships out to other planets, those in need of defense and supplies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked back at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, that I will get you on one of those ships.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s mouth fell open. So, that was what Astra had been leading up to. Without being aware of it, she sunk back into her seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ll allow that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Astra’s jaw worked again. “Now that you’re registered as one of Krypton’s own, Zod and the Council will do everything in their power to keep you here, if simply to showcase their absolute control over who enters and leaves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex deflated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I know the captain of </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> ship,” Astra said. “He’s a Martian, known for taking risks, and he happens to owe me a favour. He’ll stow you away on his ship with Martian cloaking technology, and that should get you past even one of Zod’s radars. He can’t do much more than that, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span> get you out of Krypton and en route back to Earth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex digested this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the catch?” she asked, finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s eyes narrowed. “Catch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zod is bound to figure out you’re involved in it, somehow, if I suddenly disappear from the face of the planet,” Alex said. “Won’t he do something to you, in retaliation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That isn’t guaranteed,” Astra said. “You humans are known barbarians. If you slip away like a thief in the night, it’s more or less what the average Kryptonian would expect of a character such as yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex gaped at her, not sure which part to take offense over first. Practicality overrode her need to defend herself, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The next ship isn’t scheduled to leave until the end of winter,” Astra said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex racked her brain for what she knew of Krypton’s climate zone. “That’s almost a year away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seven months,” Astra said, flatly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But your months are almost twice as long as Earth’s,” Alex said, in frustration. “We’re talking a year out of </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> life!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To leave earlier than scheduled would rouse too much suspicion, for the captain to risk it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex deflated. Well, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> asked for any way out, and beggars couldn’t be choosers. “And what do I do until then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You pretend to go along with everything,” Astra said. “You get married to me, you act like nothing is wrong, and in winter, you slip away, and it will be no better than anyone expected of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex digested her tense words in silence, a sort of calm falling over her, now that a way towards her future had been mapped out. For some blissful moments, relief flooded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, like clockwork, in came the twinge of conscience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about you?” she asked Astra. “If Zod even gets a hint that you had something to do with it-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He will not,” Astra cut her off. “I cannot overemphasize to you how low an opinion Zod has of outsiders, that such a betrayal is exactly what he would expect of one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But, if he does find out,” Alex insisted. “What then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had no idea why she was bothering to look a gift horse in the mouth. Judging by the aggrieved slant of Astra’s mouth as she shrugged in response, she too seemed to wish that Alex would just shut up and go along with the plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have something of a reputation as a maverick,” Astra said. “The council will either release me from my marriage bindings, if they don’t suspect my involvement. If they do... well, perhaps my military career might be impacted, but Zod would have to fight very hard to get the eldest scion of the House of Ze arrested.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eldest? Alex stared, realizing that something wasn’t adding up there, but it was overtaken by a more pressing question. She still had no idea why Astra was doing this for her, and Astra seemed to be doing everything to distract her from getting a real answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s immediate guess was that it was a way for Astra to prove to the outside world that Kryptonians were not the cold sons of bitches that those scholars had made them out to be. But, Alex would be damned if she let someone else take the fall for her own bad choices, especially for such a stupid reason. She was aware that she too had been stupid at times, </span>
  <em>
    <span>many</span>
  </em>
  <span> times, but she had never been a coward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you care what they do to you?” she asked, perplexedly, and then, “Why don’t you care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra shrugged. She looked resigned, looking fixedly at the book in Alex’s hands, rather than at her. Alex, exhausting her ability to wheedle whatever the true answer was out of Astra, wondered if she should leave the room. Astra certainly seemed to consider the conversation to be over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some part of Alex didn’t want to leave, though. There was something fragile about Astra, as she stood there, shoulders hunched. Alex wanted to drink in more of that moment, to impress it clearly on her memory, so that she could recall it the next time that she was scared of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could think better of it, Alex edged closer to the general, and laid a hand over her arm ever so gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked almost spooked, at the hand covering hers so lightly. She looked up at Alex, mouth slightly open, looking almost foolish, and Alex felt her throat close, as the kind of adorable sight. Without thinking about it, she edged closer, so they were hunched towards each other, foreheads almost touching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said, hoarsely, feeling as if she might cry, at this strange bit of kindness that she had not expected.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ok, I know I <i>knowwww</i> that the setting of Krypton here is more gentler and less dystopian than recent portrayals of Krypton on the big screen, the small screen and in the comics.  But y’all, it has been a HELL YEAR, and I’m McFuckin’ Tired of writing dystopias when we already live in one. I want to hope for something better, even if it’s just in fiction. Consider this a stupid bitch’s stupidly otpimistic look at the future, for both Earth and Krypton. Cos i’m tired of the doom and gloom, I just want two dumb dorks to fall in love in an realtively optimistic scifi setting.</p><p>Thank you for reading, let me know what you think!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. And all strange wonders that befell thee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex looked back one last time, before she left the tarmac and climbed up into the ship. There was no one there but her father’s research team, of course. Space travel was common enough on Earth at that point that her takeoff was merely a statistical blip among countless others, unremarkable except to herself and Jeremiah Danvers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But, Alex still looked back, hoping against hope that a car would pull up. That her mother would get out of it, with her customary flyaway hair blowing in the wind, and rush towards Alex, embracing her one final time before Alex would have to make her lonely journey to the stars. Yes, they had had their arguments, especially the final one about whether Alex should even be making this journey at all, and yes, Alex had stormed out of Eliza Danvers’ house that very night, and never returned.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But, still. Alex had hoped her mother would have swallowed the bitterness of that last flight, to come and see her only child off.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No last minute car rushed up to the tarmac, of course. The only people to accompany Alex on her last few steps on earth were Jeremiah’s lab crew, Lucy, and her father herself, his eyes sympathetic as he helped Alex onto the ship. He understood her thoughts, of course, without her having to speak them out loud.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I called and tried to get her to come, kiddo,” he said, his eyes overbright. “But, you know how she gets sometimes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex hadn’t replied, swallowing the lump in her throat as she brushed past him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are going to let her leave?” Alura looked appalled, as she stared at Astra. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lower your voice.” Astra looked around them, even though they were alone in this part of the In-Ze estate, away from the prying tendrils of the robotic servants that Alura’s household employed. “The Council cannot hear of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will be breaking the most sacred of Krypton’s laws!” Alura hissed. “You cannot simply let her leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Astra said. “Assist me in picking out the right chain and post, then, to keep her tethered to the house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura looked like she had been slapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean,” she said, in a hurt voice. “Astra, think of what they’ll do to you, if they find out you helped her escape.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They won’t,” Astra said. “ I haven’t told anyone else, and this conversation with you never happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing to stop me from telling the Council,” she reminded Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra turned to fully look at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you still remember which law ensured that you received rights to the estate over me, Alura. If Alex was to stay on Krypton, if I were to reveal she was my soulmate... the Council would have no choice but to hand the House of Ze back to its eldest scion, if I made a loud enough ruckus about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I care about that?” Alura looked even more hurt. “Do you think I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be handed all that responsibility?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More than you like to think that you do, yes,” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She relented when Alura's face fell, realizing that she might have pushed a little too far, this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to look so worried, Alura,” she said, reaching out and stroking away some of her sister’s hair behind her ear, as an apology. “You’re a far better manager of the estate, and I get my revenge every day, by seeing you run legal circles around the Council.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura visibly brightened at that, a shy smile lifting her mouth. The unhappy curve of it returned, though, when she looked at Astra again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you always make things harder for yourself?” she murmured. “Can’t you just obey Zod for once? Why risk your standing for this unknown human?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra bristled. “That unknown human is my soulmate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura looked exhausted. “Whom you are letting slip through your fingers. Honestly, Astra, I simply cannot understand you sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An easy thing for you to say,” Astra replied. “Your soulmate was the second scion of the great house of El. It must have been easy to pursue the love of your life, when he was presented to you on a silver platter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura looked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not-” She started again, after taking a deep breath. “That’s neither here nor there. You can guilt-trip me all you want, Astra, but nothing will change the fact that you’re sending your soulmate away without even telling her who she is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would I tell her?” Astra asks. “Would she even believe me, when she clearly has no idea of our connection? She would just see it as another reason for her to be trapped here, just another trick of ours to chain her to this planet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra, despite her rather un-Kryptonian interest in things that were, well, un-Kryptonian, had not thought so much about the policies of her planet in her all her years alive, as she had obsessively thought about them in the past two weeks. The mortifying conclusion had not managed to elude her: if her planet was not the way it was, she could have had some hope of getting somewhere with Alex. She wasn't so idealistic enough to believe that a soulbond immediately led to a happy union, but  she was aware that she would at least have had a fighting chance, if things were... different.</span>
</p><p>Instead, Astra was left scrabbling to hide the very thing that could bring her closer to Alex.</p><p>
  <span>“You’re ascribing many thoughts to her, without consulting her on the matter,” Alura observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra took a short breath, and tried to instill some finality into her reply. “Save the arguments for your court battles. My mind is made up.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Living with Astra was like living with a ghost. The only proof Alex had that the woman sometimes occupied the same living space as her, was a rumpled uniform occasionally lying on the floor of Astra’s bedroom, or the packets of food rearranged in the kitchen from the order that Alex had last seen them in. Other than that, Alex rarely caught a glimpse of her, except when Astra was working in the garden, or unless Astra needed to hand her some documentation or information.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex, not knowing how to feel about this state of events, took it to herself to fill her empty hours, mostly with research, or walks with Kara, and occasionally trips by herself, braving the askance glances directed her way, (though now the glances were becoming curious, and they lingered on her more, as if the observers wanted to approach Alex, but were too skittish to). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, the feeling of pique at being ignored by Astra remained, especially when they were now mere weeks away from the date of the wedding. Alex knew it was irrational to feel this way, but it was hard not to feel offended at being avoided so thoroughly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention, she was going a little stir-crazy at being stuck by herself, with nothing but a ten year old as an occasional visitor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which was why Alex decided to set out for the space docks that morning, after another week-long streak of absences from Astra. She could have just taken a flyer there; Astra had given her the access stele to the one that was parked in front of the house. Instead, Alex found herself walking out the door before she had even thought the decision through, her feet already headed in the southward direction. The docks weren’t so far away, she reasoned, and this was hardly the kind of planet where she’d get mugged for being alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a couple of doubletakes as she reached the more crowded streets, but Alex ignored the covert stares as usual, focusing instead on the map that she had looked up before heading out. Astra had only told her that the ship she was supposed to board was moored on the docks to wait out the autumn and winter, not the exact location of it. Alex reasoned, though, that it wouldn’t be very hard for her to pick it out among the other ships on the dock, considering the sparsity of intergalactic travel on Krypton. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Astra would be mad that Alex hadn’t waited for her to take her there herself, but hell, maybe Alex wanted to stick it to Astra a little, for ignoring her for this long.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex saw, as soon as she neared the area, that her initial premise had been wrong. The space docks were much busier than she had imagined they would be. Though Krypton allowed only the most essential trade to come in, Alex could now see that this scant amount, combined with the regular departures and re-entries of the Space Fleet, were still enough to keep the area bustling, with crew members rushing here and there between the new arrivals, and various cargo flyers weaving through the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Undaunted, Alex wove her way through these, keeping an eye on the ships she passed. The more she walked, the more she began to have an eye for the activity around her. The sleek grey ships and the larger dark blue carriers, which made up the majority of those docked, all had various versions of the Space Fleet insignia emblazoned on them, and the crew members milling back and forth between those had similarly emblazoned uniforms on. The few ships that veered from this mold were the ones Alex focused on, weaving through dozens of fleet carriers for what seemed like hours, until she came to an icy blue ship. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a ramshackle wreck of a ship, but the garish green of the crew’s uniforms caught Alex’s attention immediately. She didn’t approach right away, though, milling in the background, and observing the activity around the ship instead. Astra had told her that the crew was going to be busy with preparing and loading supplies, but she had not expected there to be so many members in it, nor for the pace of activity to be so frenetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex watched with fascination as one of the crew members, clearly a Martian, worked the hinge of a kneeling cargo door on the ship, clearly trying to loosen a stuck hinge. Alex moved closer without thinking about it, curious to see if she could spot the issue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got the insert reversed,” she called out in Standard, after a few moments of observation. “Those things look symmetric, but they’re actually a little wider on one side. That’s what’s causing the hinge to stick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That earned her a startled look backwards, before the Martian took the insert out, and placed it back the opposite way. The cargo door finally lowered all the way down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn things are Thanagarian make,” the Martian mumbled, turning back to Alex. “Can’t believe they’re still using overgrown </span>
  <em>
    <span>screws.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex chewed the inside of her cheeks to keep from smiling. “I’d have thought Martians would have access to better technology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got her an exasperated glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We had to replace some parts of the ship on the fly,” the Martian replied. “It’s getting a full overhaul when we finally get it back to Mars, I can tell you that, but we have a lot of stops to make before we end back there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked over to Alex, looking her up and down with a frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M’gann,” she said, and then, “Haven’t seen you in J’onn’s crew before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex Danvers,” Alex said, before shrugging. “Actually, I came here to talk to the captain himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s out for a while,” M’gann said briefly, before lifting a shoulder towards the packages piled up behind her. “Want to help me load the pallets while you wait for him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex barely had time to nod, before the first pallet was tossed at her. She almost dropped it, but balanced herself at the last minute, managing to heft it onto the kneeling door. There was a noise of approval from M’gann, before another pallet was lobbed Alex’s way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had finished loading an entire pile, before Alex’s laconic companion spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re the one we’re supposed to be giving a lift to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, Alex almost dropped the pallet that she had just caught. A little thrill of fear shot up her spine as she looked around her, although no one else seemed to be paying the slightest attention to either her or M’gann.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann looked amused at Alex’s trepidation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax,” she said. “No one could hear that over the noise, and we’re all crew here; we’re hardly going to be snitching to Kryptonian authority.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let out a breath, and tossed the pallet she had almost dropped on top of its brethren already on the cargo door. “How did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re clearly a human, and General In-Ze told J’onn that it was a human who needed a way out,” M’gann said. “Not exactly hard to put the pieces together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tossed Alex another pallet, this one almost twice as large as the others. Alex caught it with a hiss of exertion that she tried to hide, and staggered only a little, before righting herself and stacking the pallet up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she looked back at M’gann, ready to receive the next throw, the Martian was looking right back, and there was an assessing glint to her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a biologist of some sort, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Xenologist,” Alex said. “I’ve mostly been on the research side of things so far, though, except for a brief stint on a lunar expedition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A xenologist who knows how to repair a ship?” M’gann asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dad started teaching me that stuff since I was old enough to walk,” Alex murmured, feeling a sudden ache in her heart at the thought of getting him to see him one more time, or just hearing his voice again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann eyed her sideways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, after you get back to your folks, if you want a job... well, we could always use a biologist on board, if J’onn likes the cut of your jib. Maybe you can start here, while we wait the winter out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down bashfully, flushing at the unexpected offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure that would be smart,” she murmured. “I’ll have to talk to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused, not sure where she had been going with that. Talk to Astra? It wasn’t like Alex should clear every part of her life with her. It wasn’t like Astra was even around to discuss anything with, when she seemed hellbent on avoiding Alex like the plague.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex straightened, and met M’gann’s curious eyes without her earlier shyness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, yeah, I’d like that.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The best thing about the wedding was that it was mercifully short.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had been afraid that it would be some long and drawn out affair with a lot of attendees and ostentatious events. She’d read enough of her father’s books on Krypton, to know those kinds of weddings were common, when it came to the older houses of Krypton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was relieved, therefore, when Astra had put her foot down, and opted for merely a legal binding ceremony, with only the required two witnesses on hand: Alura and her husband. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Afterwards, Alura had invited them to the main house of the estate for a family dinner, but the invitation had been declined with one look from Astra, which Alex herself was devoutly glad for. She didn't think she could face anyone else, just then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Very soon, though, she came to regret that choice. Even Astra could not, Alex realized belatedly, make up an excuse to head to work on the day of her wedding. Which meant Alex and her were left alone in the house that evening, awkwardness thick between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or, at least, Alex felt supremely awkward. It was hard to tell what Astra was thinking, perched on the other side of the too-low sofa, and occasionally glancing at Alex in between perusals of the book she had picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex held in a sigh, wondering if it would be rude if she slipped off to bed, although she didn’t exactly feel like sleeping either. She stole another glance at Astra, only to see Astra watching her again. Alex took a deep breath, and decided to bite the bullet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do,” she blurted out. “We’re not going to spend all night sitting here trying to avoid each other’s eyes, are we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile quirked up Astra’s mouth, although it was squashed immediately, as if she had surprised herself with her amusement. She did move closer to Alex, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we’re not required to do anything of that sort,” she said, reseating herself so that she was next to Alex, rather than on opposite ends of the seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex eyed her approach with bated breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to come up with some other tradition are you?” she said, aware that she was simply babbling from stress, because she didn’t quite know what she’d do if Astra shifted any closer. “If you tell me we have to sleep together on the first night or something, I’ll- I’ll-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not,” Astra interjected, looking faintly repelled at the thought. “What for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um-” Alex stalled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, none of the usual reasons really applied here, did they? Kryptonians didn’t reproduce biologically, after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind,” she finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that some kind of barbaric tradition of Earth?” Astra looked downright disgusted now. “Or something you expected me to force you into?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed in aggravation, and got up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind,” she repeated. “I’m going to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Astra followed her into the bedroom, Alex turned on her, with a mix of anger and she-didn’t-quite-know-what, but Astra merely walked around her to grab two of the sheets from the bed, glared at Alex, and then walked back out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stood at the door of the bedroom as she walked away, and watched Astra settle herself along the length of the sofa in the main room, before she herself returned to the bedroom. She turned the lock and got into bed, trying to calm the hammering of her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was being stupid, she knew. The elevation of her pulse, the flush that she could feel warming up her face... that was just her body being stupid, being </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It wasn’t really about Astra. It was about her body recognizing a sexual context when it saw it, and reacting in the way that it had evolved to do for millions of years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that, Alex seethed to herself, didn’t give Astra any fucking reason to look so disgusted about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tossed and turned in the bed for an hour longer, before she decided that she needed to have this out with Astra, or else face the prospect of starting this sham of a relationship one point behind. Before she could second guess that conclusion, Alex was up from the bed, and striding out to the main room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said, as she neared the sleeping Astra, and then louder, “Hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When no reply came, Alex ripped the covers off the sleeping Astra with a sweep, causing the woman to jump up into thin air, before she scrambled back, as she saw Alex looming over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, what-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with me?” Alex cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stared up at her. "Have you lost your mind?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Alex snapped, climbing next to her on the sofa, and nudging Astra aside to make room for herself. “In fact, sometimes I think I’m the only one that makes any sense on this goddamn planet. We’re married, Astra! You </span>
  <em>
    <span>told </span>
  </em>
  <span>me I had to do this, just so I can survive! And then you had the nerve to look disgusted about me making a perfectly normal inference for two married people to make! I’m not the one in the wrong here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stopped, breathing hard, her heart once again hammering in agitation. Astra, who had been struggling against Alex’s attempts to push her to the side of the sofa, slackened when Alex reached the end of her tirade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That...makes sense," she said, after a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Then, is it that you find me personally repulsive?" Alex demanded. "What is your goddamn problem?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing," Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Alex could respond to that, Astra reached over to bodily lift Alex away from her, before letting her go, so that Alex was seated straight on the sofa, rather than bent awkwardly over Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?" Alex mumbled, disoriented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scrambled back as she took in her new bearings, fighting away a blush when she realized that underneath the sheets, Astra had taken off the marriage uniform in her sleep, wearing only an undertunic to bed that covered about as much as one of Alex's tanks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was saying something quietly, but Alex was too distracted to even realize that she hadn’t caught it. Briefly, she wondered if she should look away, before deciding against it. For one thing, it would mean that Astra was winning, in whatever made up game they were competing in, and for another thing, it was hardly strange to look at her own </span>
  <em>
    <span>wife's</span>
  </em>
  <span> body, even if the marriage is a sham for both parties considered. Just because Alex didn't like her in that way, didn't mean that she had to deny that Astra was beautiful. The two things could totally be mutually exclusive. Yeah. Yup. Definitely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What were you saying?" she asked, more to tear herself away from that line of thought than for any other reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said that there isn't anything personally repulsive about you,” Astra murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an incredibly backhanded compliment, but for some reason, Alex found herself flushing. Maybe not from the words, but from the way Astra was looking at her, all sleepy-eyed and slackmouthed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she asked, her brain going scrambled again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra neared her, her eyes intense and focused now, all traces of sleep gone. Her mouth was a pensive line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was lying,” she murmured. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> studied some of your Earth customs, Alex. I know exactly what is customary for you, on the first night of your wedding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You-” Alex stammered. “You studied what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had some books smuggled in,” Astra said, looking unrepentant. “I supposed I should get to know your ways a little better, if we are to be married, even if only for a few months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She drew inexorably closer, and Alex felt her own breathing grow more laboured, as she got caught in Astra’s intense gaze, like a deer in headlights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Alex warned, although she didn’t pull back, either, or put more distance between her and Astra. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still had to leave. She still had a planet and a father to return to, a whole life away from her, and dear god, she shouldn’t even be </span>
  <em>
    <span>considering </span>
  </em>
  <span>this, let alone arguing with herself about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>”It’s just sex, Alexandra.” Astra made the clinical word somehow sound sensual, as she nosed forward, dangerously close to Alex’s personal space. “It doesn’t have to be anything more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an out, a little loophole, but Alex grabbed at it like a lifeline, trying to rationalize it to herself. She was alone, she had been isolated for </span>
  <em>
    <span>months</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and then she had almost died, and Astra might be reserved, but she was also the only one who had tried to meet Alex even halfway on this planet. Alex could only be strong for so long, before something gave, and she broke. Rational thought had fled, and she just wanted someone to touch her, to just hold her for five fucking minutes, to make her feel human again, but if they did, she thought she just might collapse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she did collapse, when Astra finally kissed her. It was a gentle press of mouth against mouth, but Alex broke it with a cry, a sob escaping her before she could stop it. The tears she had held at bay for so long escaped like a flood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra reared back, looking surprised. Though she didn’t attempt to kiss Alex again, she reached out to trace the tears streaking down Alex’s cheeks, looking fascinated rather than alarmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can’t have been that terrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head, and tried to make a sound, but only a small whimper came out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was good,” she whispered, when she had her voice more under control. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reached forward, blindly throwing herself into Astra’s arms. She didn’t resist when Astra lifted her onto her own lap, her arms curving around Alex’s back with an almost suffocating tightness, as if she somehow knew that was exactly what Alex needed right now. Alex sobbed against her, because that was all she could do. She couldn’t explain to Astra the emptiness of true space, the nothingness pressing in around her at all times, with no one for Alex to turn to, when even the slightest thing went wrong. She didn’t know how to tell her that the Alex, the carefree adventurer who had first entered the ship on Earth, was not the same broken one that had crash-landed to Krypton, ravaged by the solitude of months of travel, wherein she had faced many a close shave with death, and not a single warm body to turn to for comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mercifully, Astra seemed to understand what Alex couldn’t say. Or, if she didn’t, she took it in stride, and when Alex was finally done crying her sorrows out, Astra wordlessly tucked them both back against the inclined of the strangely constructed sofa. She lifted and settled Alex between her own legs, and simply held her, one hand holding her waist and the other stroking her back, until Alex went into a fitful sleep.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“In front of my eyes, you’ve seen her claim sanctuary under the house of Ze,” Astra said. “That should give you enough leeway to stop this retrieval attempt right now.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The lead soldier continued to advance, their weapon still pointing at Alex. Alex tried to move but her body still felt like lead, and she could only roll her eyes in terror.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra stood up to her full height and made a cutting hand movement, that seemed to signify some sort of finality.  “Enough. You may tell Commander Zod that he will not be getting his hands on a new prisoner to manhandle anytime soon.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex woke up well before dawn, from disquieting dreams that involved Astra and faceless soldiers and her being paralyzed. One bleary look through the window told her that it was still pitch dark outside. The faint glint of a flyer speeding far away through the night sky was the only hint of movement that she could see outside. As she blinked the sleep away from her eyes, Alex realized that she was still on the sofa, sprawled over the sleeping Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She froze, not quite sure what to do, but Astra spoke suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still night,” Astra’s voice had nothing of its usual sharpness. There was a mellowness to it that could only have come from the depths of sleep, and Alex felt her heart do a strange flip at hearing that unexpected softness. “Go back to sleep, brave one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of doing as she was told, Alex reached out, fascinated, to touch the little tendrils of lightning-white strands tangled between the unruly brown curls of Astra’s hair. She teased them out, curling them around her fingers, fixated on how they caught the sparse light even in the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moments later, her gazed diverted, and she realized with a thrill that Astra’s eyes were half open, watching her. Hooded as they were, the eyes gleamed an indescribable shade in the darkness, and Alex felt caught in their gravity well. As if hypnotized, she used her elbows as leverage to lift herself up so that she was staring down at Astra, her own shorter hair falling down to tickle Astra’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Astra who reached up to kiss her, though, her mouth moving over Alex’s with a blind clumsiness in the darkness. Alex closed her eyes, and just let herself respond, giving over to the feeling of their mouths against each other, and hearing Astra’s soft exhalations clearly, in the silence of the night that surrounded them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know how long they kissed like that, with only brief separations to breathe, but Alex found herself feverishly hot when Astra finally shifted away from her. A whining noise of protest exited her throat before she could stop herself, but Astra quelled her anxiety by simply drawing Alex closer to her, and tugging her thighs to wrap around Astra’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Alex said, and began kissing her again without further delay from that much better vantage point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was sometime again before they stopped, and Alex sighed against Astra’s lips when they parted. Leaning forward to rest their foreheads together, she was briefly considering marking her way down Astra’s neck instead, when Astra hooked a finger each around the sides of her pjyama’s waistband, tugging Alex forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s mouth opened, and Astra’s lips curved up in a quizzical smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she quoted Alex, and suddenly the smile was wicked, and Alex felt her breath catch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Astra just... touched her. Trailed her fingers down the curve of Alex’s neck, over the thin fabric of her shirt, warm hands exploring every inch of her from the waist up until Alex felt like her entire body was buzzing. She couldn’t do much more than murmur feverish words of god-knew-what, as her hands stroked blindly against Astra’s face, the perfect shell of her ear, her cheeks, the curve of her jaw, too caught up in the moment to be smooth about it, or to say anything coherent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Astra’s fingers, the same gentle fingers that had stroked Alex’s hair while she had cried herself to sleep, quested downwards. She tugged at the drawcord of Alex’s pyjamas, leaning back to give it a puzzled look when it didn’t come undone. The look on her face was so endearingly petulant that Alex finally found her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Astra</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” was all that came out, in a strangled rush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra seemed to take it as a warning, for she paused. Alex wanted to scream. Instead, she kissed her again, covering Astra’s hand with her own, and guiding her inside, stubborn drawcord be damned. That was all the invitation Astra seemed to need. She tugged Alex closer with one hand, until they were pressed flush against each other, and Alex gasped at the touch of cool fingers of the other hand stroking against her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>inside</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Astra asked, though her fingers didn’t stall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little nervous,” Alex admitted, mouthing the admission against her neck, because there was no way she was looking Astra in the eye, now when they were both so new to this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had done this before, but it was hard to relearn the ropes when she had to do so with Astra touching her, when every stroke of those delicate fingers made Alex feel like her body was on fire. It was almost embarrassing how open she was for Astra, how readily Astra was able to slip a finger and then two, into her, like she’d only been waiting for Alex to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She managed to drag herself up to kiss Astra briefly again, before sighing. “I guess that’s stupid, to be chickening out when I’m the one who dragged you out of bed for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the contrary, you’re very brave,” Astra murmured against her mouth. “I wouldn't have been brave enough to confront you in such a way, if our positions had been reversed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She kissed Alex back in a deep and languid way, taking her time to ravage her mouth, as if she had nothing else planned to do all night. It was easy to lose herself in the overwhelming intensity of it, but Alex broke away again, unable to feel so much in her body at once, without her mind wanting to ascribe some deeper meaning to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s just sex, it’s just sex, it’s just sex</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she chanted to herself, as she tried to get her bearings. Astra had said so herself. It was just sex, and the high Alex was getting from it was simply from being cooped up in a space ship for too long. Sex was human. Hell, it was even alien, judging by the way Astra’s body was reacting to her touch. There was no need for Alex to get too drunk in the high of it, and imagine feelings that weren’t there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Alex Danvers knew a thing or two about being too drunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra pursued her, nosing into her cheek before mouthing at Alex’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you go, brave one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nickname did something to her. Alex felt herself every last reserve of hers melt under the sound of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right here,” she whispered back, wrenching herself away from Astra, and then kissing her breathlessly, while Astra’s fingers slipped deeper inside her, effectively shutting down all the overprocessing parts of her brain.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No, the events in this chapter were definitely not influenced at all by the quarantine and solitude that this hell year threw us all into, why would you ask that?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. she's not a talker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>The expansive medical ward held only the unconscious stranger, the healer working on her, and Astra herself. Even so, Astra somehow imagined that the walls were drawing in closer, suffocating them all slowly. For the fifth time since she had rushed her patient in, she left her guarding perch by the door, to look over the shoulder of the healer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop crowding me,” Lara Lor-Van snapped. “You do not realize how hard this is, even without you hovering over my shoulder.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra let out a slow breath, trying to make sure that her impatience was not betrayed by her tone. This was, after all, a favour being done to her, by someone who was risking the wrath of Zod himself. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Still, even though the stranger’s injuries had been severe, Astra had seen Kryptonian soldiers take much worse, and still be resuscitated without this much uncertainty and delay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is it because she’s a human?” she asked. “I have heard of how fragile they are.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That isn’t an insurmountable problem,” Lara said, waving her hand dismissively. “It’s quite easy to adapt our healing technology to most of the known species in the galaxy. This is something else.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra sent another wary look towards the sealed door. Even Zod’s soldiers would not break in the door of a healer, but there was no doubt there was an envoy waiting outside the medical centre, biding their time to make their presence known.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Something else?” she echoed, turning back to the comatose figure on the bed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Usually, the nanomachines know just what to do, to set the body back to repairing itself,” Lara said. “In this case, something has been done to these cells that they are having to fight against.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra frowned. “Do you think the accident did something to change them?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lara shook her head. “This seems to have been done to the body so long ago, that the cells seem to think it’s their natural state of existence. It dates back to this human’s youth, I think. Even the nanomachines will need time to work their way past the inertia of that cellular memory.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Astra let out another slow breath.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do what you can,” she said, not caring that her words had slipped into the pleading form of address. “As fast as you can.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then she walked back to her position guarding the door, her heart hammering away no matter how hard she tried to hide it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex woke up again, it was well into the morning, with the blinding rays of Rao streaming in through the window, making her blink blearily up into the brightness of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, she jumped up in horror, remembering the events of the night before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex groaned, sinking back into the covers, and covering her face with her hands, as images from the previous night crashed through her mind. What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>had she been thinking?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex jumped up again at the voice, scrambling the covers away from her, to see Astra staring at her from the doorway to the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Alex said, aware that her voice was higher than normal. Then, she spotted the plate of food in Astra’s hand. It had never occurred to Alex that Astra was even capable of cooking.  “What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought breakfast might be necessary,” Astra said, unnecessarily presenting the plate forward, as if Alex couldn’t see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Alex said, suddenly awkward in the unforgiving light of the almost-afternoon, as they stared at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh god, she had slept with Astra. What had she been thinking? With the haze of touch starvation gone, Alex felt an uneasy lump of guilt settle in her stomach, rather than satisfaction of a pleasant night. She felt as if she had been unfaithful, even though it wasn’t like she had anything or anyone to be unfaithful towards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, even worse than that, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Alex’s face burned even redder, as she realized that she had basically used Astra as an oversized kleenex for the better part of an hour, and Astra had just... let her. Had let Alex embarrass herself in front of a near-stranger, pouring out incoherent cries of sorrows and regrets that she should never have been allowed to express.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was still processing this memory in horror when Astra neared, with the plate of something that looked and smelled far more edible than anything Alex had managed to cook up so far, in her kitchen escapades.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s simple,” Astra said. “But, after all the drinking at the ceremony, I thought that something simple might settle the stomach.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was now at the level of nearness that had the weird effect of scrambling Alex’s brain. Alex reared away instinctively, avoiding the proximity. She avoided Astra’s eyes next, trying not to see the bemusement in them, and trying equally hard to ignore the new fresh batch of guilt ruining her appetite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m, um, not hungry,” she mumbled. “I think I’ll sleep in a little today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fled the living room for the safety of her bedroom, but not before braving one last look at Astra, and feeling perversely glad to see it returning to its characteristic haughty visage.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Alex came back out of the bedroom, it was late afternoon, Astra was gone, and the house once again resembled a ghost’s abode. This time, however, Alex leapt with relief at the chance for some alone time and reflection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The food that Astra had offered was cold by the time Alex had washed up and tiptoed into the kitchen, so she ignored it altogether, and helped herself to some of the pastries that Alura had sent home with them, when they had declined her invitation. They were delicious, but Alex munched through them with a mechanical numbness, trying to make sense of what had happened to her last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knew why her body had made the choices it had. All the hours that her father had trained her in simulations, had not come close to the reality of drifting alone through space, with no one to turn to for help when something went wrong. There were times when Alex had thought she would go mad, from sheer loneliness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, it made sense that when she was stuck here, far away from everyone that actually loved her, she had jumped into the arms of the first person who had offered her anything close to warmth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But... </span>
  <em>
    <span>Astra?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Alex seethed. Astra had no fucking right to have been that understanding. If she hadn’t held Alex so patiently as she had broken down, Alex would never have even </span>
  <em>
    <span>thought </span>
  </em>
  <span>about sleeping with her, let alone actually gone through with it. What had Astra been thinking? Why couldn’t she have just stayed the cold, ghost of a person that Alex knew before?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex scrubbed her face, trying to make sense of it all, trying to reconcile the woman who had silently held her last night, to the emotionless general who had told Alex that she would die, if Alex didn’t follow her orders to the letter. And, then again, there was the sickly feeling of guilt, sitting heavy in her stomach. Alex still couldn’t put a finger on why her body insisted on feeling that way. She would be on the precipice of a reason, and then the thing would slither away, frustrating her hopes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was still trying to sort through the maelstrom of emotions when the front door slid open. Alex jumped, her heart rate skyrocketing again, but it was not Astra who entered. It was Kara, once again sauntering through the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aunt Astra came to visit my mother, so I thought you’d be free to go to the markets,” she announced, by way of greeting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared at her, not quite able to process something so mundane, after everything her brain had been spinning through, when Kara sprinted at her without waiting for a reply, and launched herself into Alex’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hugged her back with some bemusement, before Kara stepped back, and beamed at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was that for?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re family now,” Kara said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.. right.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down, trying to ignore the immediate pangs of loneliness, at the memory of her actual family waiting for her. Her father would be so worried, at not having heard from Alex by now. And her mother... despite their differences, Alex wanted to think that her mother would be worried too, that she would perhaps make an effort to see Alex again, if she managed to return to Earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright?” Kara asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked rapidly, and managed a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she said, and then to distract the kid, “Want some wedding pastries? Your mother sent a whole pile with us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all the invitation it took for Kara to hit the kitchen at a dead run. Alex followed her more slowly, to find Kara in what looked to be her personal heaven, munching her way through two pastries at a time, one held in each hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My penpal sent me another message today,” Kara said, between bites. “She was telling me about a boarding school she’s been sent to. I wish we had boarding schools on Krypton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned. She had asked Astra once to be allowed to contact her father. It was the one thing Astra had denied her flatly, with a face like thunder when Alex had tried to argue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About that,” Alex said. “How did you manage to pull that off? Hasn’t Krypton cut off all access to the outside world?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Father has a diplomatic line that I hacked into,” Kara said, with a shrug that didn’t look repentant in the slightest. “I think he knows, but he hasn’t asked me about it yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed, her faint ray of hope fading away. Whatever indulgements Zor-El might allow his child, he surely wouldn’t advance the same towards her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re the one who got to marry Aunt Astra,” Kara said, out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared at her in surprise, but Kara looked dead serious, despite the pastry fluff coating her mouth and cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, better you than Non,” Kara said, and then pulled a face. “Actually, better anyone than Non.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Alex said dryly, and then, “Who’s Non?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara frowned. “She hasn’t told you about Non?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Non-what?” Alex asked, before realizing that Kara probably wouldn’t get that joke. “Non-who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind,” Kara said, making a face. “Can I pack some of these to take home with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex eyed her suspiciously, wondering if she should deny Kara the sweets she so obviously craved, and which her mother had so obviously forbidden. She caved in, though, at the baby blue eyes staring pleadingly back at her. The kid was just too adorable for her good, and knew it too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she sighed, waving it away. “But, don’t think I don’t see you trying to change the subject.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kara grinned unabashedly at being caught, and began to chatter on about more mundane things. Alex did her best to listen, but a part of her was still obsessively turning over what Kara had said earlier, and wondering who this Non was.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless of how unwillingly Alex obsessed over the mysterious Non, Astra didn’t come home the next week, to give her any answers. This left Alex to her usual pastimes of research, walks with Kara, and increasingly regular trips to the docks to help J’onn’s crew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was on one of those trips that M’gann sauntered by, and tossed a tablet over to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she said. “Your wife asked me to make sure you got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex, who had been helping to sort out pallets of medicine by destination, put down the bottle she had been studying, in order to take the tablet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” she asked, studying it in mystification, for it looked nothing like the Kryptonian crystal steles that she had become used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s got your details for the trip,” M’gann said. “Tells you everything you need to pack, where exactly we’re taking off, how you’re getting there, you know the drill. I know it’s a little early, but it never helps to be prepared in advance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned, still turning the tablet over and over in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Martian make,” M’gann said, answering her unasked question. “We’ve encrypted it with our technology, just in case Zod’s goons come ransacking your place, so make sure none of the information in there leaks to your standard issue Kryptonian steles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded, as realization dawned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Astra told you to give it to me?” she asked, still frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann shrugged. “J’onn asked her to pass it on to you herself, but she said that she’d be away for the week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pursed her lips. “Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann eyed her curiously. “Something wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head rapidly. “Nothing, nevermind. I’ll just... get back to the sorting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She resolutely kept her head down, and went back to studying and sorting the remaining bottles. Thankfully, M’gann took her at her word, and walked off to yell at another crew member.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, inside, Alex was seething. She went through the rest of her study mechanically, trying not to let the simmering resentment inside her bubble up into her work. So what if Astra was avoiding her? So what if she was clearly going out of her way to make sure that she had no contact with Alex whatsoever? That was fine. In fact, it was exactly what Alex wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which did not explain to Alex at all, why she felt so royally pissed off at being handed off like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finished her assigned task, and loaded all the bottles up into the right pallet, Alex didn’t bother waiting around to talk to M’gann, or see if there was anything else that she wanted done. Instead, she stalked back to her flyer and, instead of punching in the familiar coordinates to Astra’s house, set it on a direct route to the In-Ze estate instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex landed on the outskirts of the expansive house that Alura lived in, and strode up to the front door of it, determinedly ignoring the two robot servants that rolled up to her as she neared the place. She banged on the ancient looking wooden door, wincing when the hardness of it bruised her knuckles. Alex kept up her banging, though, until the door slid open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alexandra!” Alura beamed down at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex paused, thrown slightly off her stride. She had expected another robot. From what Kara had told her of her mother’s long hours at work, she hadn’t expected Alura to be home at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” Alura prompted, when Alex remained silent. “Kara has been telling us-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take me to Astra,” Alex cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura looked concerned. “Alexandra, what are you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex put up a hand to stop her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know Astra is hiding out here,” she said. “So please stop stalling, and just tell me where she is, please.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex barged in without ceremony into the study that Alura had directed her to, she expected Astra to be surprised, and perhaps even pull a weapon on Alex in her haste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t expect Astra to look up from the stele she had been writing on, with a fond smile breaking out on her face, only for it to be erased thoroughly, when she saw who it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Astra said, and then, “It’s Kara who tends to barge into my work with such little ceremony.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex ignored that attempt at cordial conversation, and stalked over to Astra’s seat, throwing the tablet that M’gann had given her onto her lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me why I had to get this from M’gann.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stared from the tablet to Alex, her face a tombstone carving again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M’gann is second in command of the ship,” she said. “She was trustworthy enough to entrust with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Alex said, tersely, dropping to her knees, so that she could look the seated Astra in the eyes. “It takes five </span>
  <em>
    <span>dendahrs </span>
  </em>
  <span>to fly from here to your house. You couldn’t take that small amount of time out of your life, to give it to me yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked even more remote, despite their increased proximity, though Alex hadn’t thought it possible. “Why does it matter who gave it to you, as long as you now have the information?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why does it-” Alex echoed, in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave up in frustration, and rose, grabbing Astra by the collar and lifting her clean off her chair. She didn’t know exactly what she planned to do next, maybe break into tears or shake her until Astra finally </span>
  <em>
    <span>looked</span>
  </em>
  <span> at her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>saw </span>
  </em>
  <span>her, instead of that cold dismissal. But, Astra stiffened as if she was expecting a physical attack, like she thought Alex was going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>hit </span>
  </em>
  <span>her, and before Alex knew it, she was kissing Astra, instead of shaking some sense into her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sound exited Astra’s mouth when their lips crashed together, a softly vocalized exhalation of breath, and Alex immediately obsessed over it, wanting to hear it again </span>
  <em>
    <span>right now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Alex whispered, kissing her again, and winding their fingers together, when she realized that Astra’s spine was still as stiff as a board.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt something powerful move through her, when Astra </span>
  <em>
    <span>melted </span>
  </em>
  <span>under her words, and kissed her back. Alex gasped into her mouth, when she felt Astra draw her closer- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-until Astra seemed to come back to herself, pushing Alex away from her with a firm finality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex strained against the hands that were bodily pushing her backwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re beautiful,” she whispered, darting forward to steal another brief kiss, when Astra’s grip slackened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was Astra who moved back to evade her this time, and she seemed faintly bemused by the compliment, if anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you find me beautiful now, then I was beautiful when you first saw me,” she said. “What changed, now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words were as good as a cold bucket of water to the face, as far as returns to reality went. Alex sighed and looked down, her struggle dying at Astra’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind,” she mumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn't move away from Astra, though, reluctant to let their proximity go, but when Astra gave her a little push with her hands, Alex took the hint. She stepped back, her eyes smarting with tears. Swallowing to get rid of the sudden tightness in her throat, she focuses on straightening her shirt and trousers, trying hard not to look at Astra, and trying even hard to ignore the fact that her own eyes were blurring with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” Astra’s voice was softer than her usual tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it,” Alex said harshly, swiping the tablet from where it had fallen to the floor, and making for the door with it. “I’ll see you at home, general.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She resolutely did not look behind her, as the door slid closed.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t immediately return to her house, choosing instead to take advantage of the twilight to scroll through the streets without being recognized. Not that she would have noticed it even if she had been, as she was too caught up in her own thoughts to care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was it about Astra that had her emotions all amped up into a storm, and had her doing things she immediately regretted? Already, Alex was reproaching herself for the temper that had caused her to storm out of the In-Ze estate, and be so short with Astra’s sister on her way out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had she reacted too harshly? Of course she had, Alex chastised herself. So what if she had been confused about what was happening between them? Maybe Astra was too. Maybe, instead of simply avoiding Alex, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hiding</span>
  </em>
  <span> from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the street, at that realization. Was that it? Between her parents’ separation, and her general alienation from the rest of her classmates, Alex had never really developed any great skill at dealing with intimacy. But, maybe Astra was even worse than her, Alex realized, given what Krypton had proven to be like, in only her brief stay there. And the way Astra had flinched from her, as if she had expected violence... Alex wasn’t stupid. That kind of knee jerk reaction didn’t come without prior experience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, even if that was the case, what could Alex do about it? Help Astra?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex perked up at that thought. Well, she did owe Astra a debt, for securing her passage on J’onn’s ship, and the knowledge of what she owed had been bothering her for weeks. This would be Alex’s chance to pay her back!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked around herself, about to start walking again, when she realized that she had stopped in front of what seemed to be a florist’s or horticulturist’s shop. The girl inside seemed to be putting up the shutters, getting ready to close. Alex ran in without a second thought, breathing out a hasty greeting to the girl, before hurrying through the rows of plants. The trained xenologist in her immediately recognized that not all the plants were native to Krypton. Alex even spied some more exotic specimens in the back - walled off by a protective force field, no doubt - that she recognized as hailing from the infamously poisonous flora of Proxima II. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra liked plants, didn’t she? Alex had often spied her escaping into the garden, on the rare times when she was home. After tending to her small patch of plants, Astra would sit there for hours in the grass, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, while Alex covertly kept an eye on her. (It wasn’t weird. Alex was a scientist. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to watch alien things. It totally wasn’t weird.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, really, who but a devoted gardener could have ever managed to cultivate a garden, while also meeting the busy schedule of a Kryptonian general?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Alex carefully studied the plants, and picked out a relatively commonplace one. It was one that she had seen all around the city, so she figured that it wouldn’t be too hard to take care of. Pleased with her choice, Alex took it to the front, starting when she came face to face with the girl at the counter, whom she now realized had fiery red hair, and almost glowing, fluorescently green eyes, the dead giveaway signs of Tamaranian descent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A wonderful choice!” the cashier enthused, almost floating over the counter in her exuberance. “Would you like to choose a card to go along with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head mutely, and picked out some packets of fertilizer instead, realizing absentmindedly that this was the first non-Kryptonian that she had seen besides J’onn’s crew, in all her time on Krypton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cashier stuck a card in with the packets of fertilizer anyways, when she gave it to Alex, waving away her protests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do not be shy, my friend!” she proclaimed, as she handed the plant over to Alex. “Embrace the feelings you have inside you, let them become you, and you will find who you were meant to be."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. Coming face to face with a Tamaranian on Krypton was weird, but coming face to face with a walking and talking fortune cookie was even weirder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” she said, blankly, and left, the cashier waving her out cheerily.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astra did return to the house that night, as Alex had thought she might. This time, instead of letting her wife sneak in like a thief in the night, Alex was waiting in the main room, bleary eyes barely managing to stay open, when the door slid open with a click.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex noted, with some satisfaction, the surprise on Astra’s face when she saw that Alex had waited up for her. The satisfaction was soon replaced by a sting of guilt, though, when Astra stiffened, a haughty look entering her eye that Alex now recognized as a defense mechanism.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not willing to give in to the argument that Astra was clearly bracing for, Alex crossed the space between them quickly, holding the potted plant that she had bought as a peace offering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you’d like it,” she says, presenting it to Astra. “I saw it on my way back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stiffness seemed to leave Astra’s spine, as she lay down the two steaming containers that she had come in with on the nearby table, in order to take Alex’s offering. There was an eagerness on her face as she studied it, that Alex had rarely seen in her before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s... lovely,” came Astra’s stilted reply, as she trailed fingers through the floppy vines of the plant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s probably too unwieldy to replant in the garden,” Alex said, sticking her fingers in her trouser pockets, for lack of anything better to do with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra didn’t seem to mind, moving to the window instead, and hanging the plant from a hook. She expertly twirled the reddish-purple tendrils of it over the window bars, making sure that each vine had something to hold on to, but also room to breathe . Alex simply looked on, fascinated by the dexterity of the hands that she’d come to know so intimately on their wedding night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Astra turned back to Alex, and gestured to the steaming containers that she had set on the table. There was something bright in her eyes, even if her face was unmoved again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know our Kryptonian cuisine is not much to your taste,” she said. “But, Andromedan fare might tempt even you, I think. I was recommended a place by M’gann.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wanted to have more time to think about the fact that Astra had gone to M’gann to talk about Alex’s preferences, but that was superseded by the heavenly smell coming from the containers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought I’d like it?” she said, instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Astra could answer, Alex drew nearer to her, and kissed her. She tried to make it soft, fleeting presses of her mouth against Astra’s lips and cheek, a wordless apology for her roughness from the afternoon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps Alex had succeeded in her attempt to mellow Astra out with the gift of the plant, because this time Astra softened immediately against her, chasing Alex’s mouth to deepen the kisses. Her arms snaked around Alex’s waist, to bring her in closer, and that was when a low grumble erupted from somewhere below.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few bewildered moments later, a mortified Alex realized that it had been her own stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Food first,” she mumbled, pulling back, and wincing when her stomach grumbled loudly again. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright,” Astra murmured, her lips twitching, as she let go of Alex’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex suddenly felt queasy again, uneasy in a way that she hadn’t felt since her first waking day on Krypton. Then, Astra passed her an open container, the smell of the food hitting a famished Alex with full force, and Alex forgot about everything except stuffing herself.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex had kind of assumed that they would go to bed together, once they finished the - albeit delicious - dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, as night fell over the house, she found herself sitting with Astra in the garden. Alex sat curled up on the little bench overlooking the lake she had moved there the previous week. Astra was on the ground, sitting leaning against the bench with her fingers tufted into the grass. In the deep of the night, while simply talking to each other, Alex found Astra to be more conversant than she had ever been before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I don’t understand,” she said, frowning as she took in Astra’s reply to their latest discussion. “We still have knock-down-drag-out fights on Earth, about the separation of church and state, but Krypton seems to have integrated it so seamlessly, for a planet so technologically advanced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked skeptically up at her. “You see what’s on the outside, Alexandra, the part that is enforced by our society and our laws. You don’t see what lies in people’s hearts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet, Kara talks with deep devotion about Rao’s will, and his Path, and all that,” Alex said. “You don’t buy that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked unimpressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alura married into the great house of El, and all the great houses followed the Raoist reformation, in order to stay in favour,” she said. “She adopted their religion upon marriage, so it’s all that Kara has known since birth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned. “And where does that leave you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The house of Ze is one of the last sticklers to the old gods that once held sway over Krypton,” Astra said. “Although, in truth, I have reservations over them, as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex raised her eyebrows. She should have let it die there, but some wicked devil rose inside her, and she couldn’t resist the reply that Astra had practically handed to her on a silver platter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure seemed to believe in Rao, when you were screaming his name out on our wedding night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite her words, she was shocked to see Astra’s mouth part, and a delicate flush cover her cheek. Alex felt her breath catch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra recovered fast, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And do you believe in the God whom you were calling out for?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex tossed a pebble at her. Astra caught it neatly out of the air, and threw it back into the grass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ass,” Alex muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said something about that too, if I remember correctly,” Astra said, mock-thoughtfully, as she leaned back further to look up at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex groaned, and buried her face in her hands. “Shut. Up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stole a peek at Astra from between her fingers, though, and was surprised to see her mouth quirk up, though it returned to its usual grave set soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not before a dangerously warm feeling slithered its way in between Alex’s ribs, however.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kara in this fic:<br/><br/>Sauce: https://www.instagram.com/nathanwpyle/?hl=en</p><p>Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. for twenty-nine years before i met you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex was tinkering with the wires on the ship that was going to be her father’s first prototype, when the door to nav opened with a hiss.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You do realize that your father hired specialists just for this job, right?” Lucy Lane asked, shutting the door softly behind her. “He doesn’t need a school kid fixing things everytime something breaks down.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex shrugged. She had mostly come to the lab for the solitude it would afford her for a few hours, not because there was no one else to do this job. Here, at least, Alex didn’t have to worry about her mother breathing over her shoulder about classes, or chores, or whatever else had caught Eliza Danvers’ attention this time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He also didn’t need to hire your father’s security agency to keep watch over us, but you’re still here, aren’t you?” she shot back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucy rolled her eyes. “Maybe the reason no one has attacked you is because we’re doing our jobs right, dumbass.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re just an intern,” Alex countered with a smirk. “At least my dad lets me help out in ways other than getting coffee.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least Lucy wasn’t as insufferable as the rest of her father’s hired goons, though. For one thing, Alex was pretty sure she had an actual personality, instead of substituting for that with a poker face and sunglasses.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Actually, I came here to tell you that your father’s looking for you again,” Lucy said. “He’s wrapped up his meeting with Querl, and he wants to talk to you about your notes from yesterday.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex frowned. Ever since that Coluan boy had landed on Earth, her father’s attention had been taken up by him almost day and night. Alex could see why Jeremiah Danvers would be fascinated with the only Coluan who had managed to escape his tyrannical planet in centuries, but still. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t know why he wants me,” she muttered, as she packed up her tools. “He’s put all our projects on hold, ever since that boy got here.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucy rolled her eyes. “I thought you liked working alone.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex huffed. “This is different.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Alex was used to being her father’s partner-in-crime. She didn’t like her place being taken over by some alien who had come out of nowhere.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lucy shook her head, and held the door open for Alex to pass through.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“For a smartass, you really are stupid, Danvers.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made breakfast,” Alex announced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve burnt breakfast,” she corrected. “I don’t think the standards of cuisine are so different on Earth that charred charcoal remains count as sustenance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made breakfast,” Alex repeated, throwing a fruit at her. “And I don’t think you’re one to talk, seeing as this kitchen was virtually unused before I got here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is because I know my limits,” Astra said, catching it neatly out of thin air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex snatched it back from her, started cutting it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m capable of cutting fruit, at least,” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex held the knife up threateningly, and she subsided, looking bemused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex passed the diced fruit to her, along with the two pancakes that had managed to escape mostly unscathed from the burning pan. “Here, you take these ones. They’re the least burnt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra took the offering without protest, but she was frowning in consternation down at the plate. At least, Alex thought she was frowning, until she realized that Astra’s eyes looked suspiciously glassy and that she was probably just trying to avoid Alex’s gaze. Alex just stared harder, wondering why Astra should be moved by this tiny thing, a simple courtesy that most humans extended without thinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A simple courtesy that Alex was determined to extend to this alien in particular, as part of her privately decided campaign to Pay Astra Back. For what, Alex hadn’t decided yet. But, Astra </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> shown compassion to her, and Alex had decided it wouldn’t be a weakness, even on this strange planet, to extend that compassion back, in the privacy of her temporary home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Astra suddenly looked up, all traces of undue emotion gone, and Alex found herself caught in her scrutiny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Astra asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed. She was already becoming aware that Astra was not the kind of person that one played games with, even if Alex was inclined to do that. Which she wasn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Alex admitted later that she could probably have been more tactful than the blunt question that came barrelling out of her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is Non?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stiffened, and her eyes closed briefly, before she met Alex’s gaze again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alura told you,” she surmised. “No one else but her tends to bring that up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, actually,” Alex said. “I was hanging out with Kara, and she said something about a Non.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is nothing to concern yourself with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The haughty tone was back, which was annoying. But Astra kind of had a point, which was more annoying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I should,” Alex said. “Don’t I have a right to ask you about someone whom you were apparently crying your eyes out over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To her surprise, Astra actually rolled her eyes at that, the stiff set of her shoulders dissolving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kara is over-imaginative,” she said. “I was not crying my eyes out; Non never deserved that much from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aha, so there </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>a Non!” Alex said. “That’s more than I managed to wheedle out of Kara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra glanced back at her, and she looked almost amused, before her face went back to its grave set.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Non was my squadmate many years ago,” she said. “When he courted me... well, I thought my- and he could be persuasive when he wanted, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that uncharacteristic babbling, she subsided into silence, looking far away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Alex prompted her, once again kicking subtlety to the curb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra shrugged. “We were due to be married but... events happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sat down, and dragged her own pile of diced fruit towards herself. “So, who messed up? You or him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was eyeing her wryly, by the time she looked back up from her first bite. Alex just shrugged. She was starting to get the feeling that Astra liked it when she just came out with things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would say that we were neither of us well-suited to each other,” Astra said. “Certain things happened, and Non left for Kandor before I fully understood the ramifications of them. I mostly escaped unscathed, except for the dent to my pride, and my rank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex studied her out of the corner of her eyes, and then let out a breath through her teeth. Obviously there was more there, than the sketchy outline that Astra was laying out, but sometimes being a scientist meant drawing inferences from scant data.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, a douchebag,” she surmised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, the wry look from Astra. “So incisive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alex was frowning, for something else had occurred to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what Alura meant at the wedding, when she said that the houses had been trying to get you married off for years?” she asked. “I thought it was just a joke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It mostly was,” Astra said. “There were some attempts, soon after- after Non left. A failed attempt at a marriage was not merely a blemish on the house of Ze. They saw it reflected on all their houses, and wished to see it rectified.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if it meant getting hitched to a stranger like me,” Alex supplied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra frowned. “I was not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, for once, Alex wasn’t bothered by the implications of that. Instead, she shifted closer to Astra, not missing the way Astra trailed off mid-word and stiffened. The way Astra was gripping the container of water that she had been sipping from, the whole thing was going to spray up in her face sooner rather than later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rescued the container from her, and placed it a distance away before turning back to Astra. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserved better than that,” she said, simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she kissed Astra on the side of the mouth, just close enough to taste the tartness of the fruit she had been eating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” she began, when she pulled back. “You don’t have to avoid me in your own home. I’m hardly going to be terrified at having you exist in the same room as me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra raised an eyebrow, looking quizzical. Alex was unconvinced by the charade.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That look hasn’t fooled me in weeks,” she said. “I’ve been reading up on Krypton’s geopolitics this past month, and there’s just not enough unrest here for someone of your rank to get called away on ‘urgent’ meetings as often as you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra managed to look chagrined at that, at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll speak with the commander,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alex was frowning again, her attention taken up now by something she hadn’t considered before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you were due to marry Non,” she began, “Was he your soulmate, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stared. “Do you think that is possible, after what I just told you about our relationship?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom and dad are soulmates,” she offered. “They haven’t gotten along in years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She started picking away at her fruit, not quite willing to look at Astra after having revealed that. But eventually, she had to look up, and saw Astra staring at her with a look of entirely too much sympathy and understanding. Alex squirmed, as that uncomfortable feeling bothered her stomach again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of people on Earth aren’t convinced about the whole thing,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you?” Astra asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked down at her plate again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to be,” she said, after a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, she remembered that </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> was supposed to be interrogating Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you want to marry Non, then?” she asked. “I mean, doesn’t Krypton take soulmates very seriously, now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Astra’s turn to study her plate, her shoulders hunched up in that tense way again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how Kryptonians know their soulmates?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Alex said, blinking. “You’re supposed to feel a pull towards them at all times, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For a long time, I thought I was simply one of those who did not have one,” she said. “When I did finally feel a pull toward my soulmate, it was from a direction that was simply... improbable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was puzzled. “An impossible direction?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra seemed to be on the verge of offering a correction, and then seemed to rethink it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something of that sort,” she said, and went back to eating.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Explain to me how an Aldebaranian managed to get a liquor license on Krypton,” Alex requested, as she followed M’gann out of the docks late in the night, after another evening of helping with the shipments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They didn’t,” M’gann said succinctly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, Alex reflected, if she was going to get arrested for drinking in an illegal underground bar with some equally shady alien friends, at the least the silver lining would be that being married to Astra would probably get her out of a death sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry so loudly,” M’gann said, patting her shoulder. “They’ve been running this joint for ages, and even the Kryptonian regulars keep their mouth shut about it. Everyone knows Aldebaranians mix the best cocktails in the galaxy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I feel like that translates directly to drinks that could kill me with one sip?” Alex murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t complain further, though, as she let herself be jostled along by the rest of the crew, to what seemed to be their customary booth, while M’gann herself went to get their drinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she said on her return, sliding a glass of something smoking and offwhite across to Alex. “It’s the mildest one they have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex accepted it to good-natured jeers from the rest of the crew. She flipped them off, a gesture that they seemed to understand the intent of, if not the specifics. But M’gann waved the rowdiness down, and took the seat next to Alex, so that they could talk without shouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seemed pretty angry when you left last time,” M’gann said. “Did you manage to work out whatever set you off?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex winced, not realizing that she had been so obvious despite her efforts to hide her distemper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said, and then coughed as the drink hit her throat. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the mildest drink they had?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I only promised it won’t kill you,” M’gann said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to know,” Alex muttered, taking a more careful second sip. “Although, now that I think about it, if Astra finds out I’m somewhere like this, we just might start another row.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann cackled. “Astra? Like she hasn’t tagged along with us more times than I count.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. “Astra? </span>
  <em>
    <span>General</span>
  </em>
  <span> Astra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know another one?” M’gann asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared down into her drink, wondering if she should have invited Astra to this, then. Somehow, her mind rebelled against it. Sharing meals in the privacy of their home was one thing, but inviting Astra out somewhere felt different, somehow. Like Alex was crossing some line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did your crew even come to know Astra?” she asked, shaking her head and trying to move on from that unexpected thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>M’gann shrugged. “Her and J’onn ended up in an altercation when his ship first landed on the docks, oh, sixteen years ago now, I think. She was just a lieutenant, then, and she gave him hell over customs clearance, until they almost came to blows. The next day, Astra marched right back into the ship, and he thought she was gearing up for another fight, but instead she refused to leave until she was allowed to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled. Somehow, the image of a young Astra camped outside the ship was adorable. “How long did he make her wait?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Twenty-three sols,” M’gann said, an answering smile curving up her face. “But, she kept coming back every night, and J’onn relented in the end, and it turned out to be a good arrangement for all of us, especially when her sister married Zor-El.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled again. “Sounds like Astra, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she went back to her drink, though, she couldn’t help but notice that, yet again, Astra had been defined by who she was related to, rather than her own contributions. Or maybe she was just being oversensitive, Alex reflected, as that was a sore spot for herself. Eliza Danvers had been the most respected zenologist on Earth, and Jeremiah had been a respected enough scholar to get invited by other star systems to speak at their institutions. Alex had spent most of her life being defined by their accomplishments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> She could imagine that it must be as bad, if not worse, to be eclipsed by a sibling’s.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t Alexandra out a little late?” Alura said, fretfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked up from the book that she had been thumbing her way through, not missing Alura’s look of puzzlement directed at the paper-and-ink anachronism. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s likely out helping Captain J’onzz again,” she said. “She prefers to work the later hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were letting her do that,” Alura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a feeling Alex would break my arm if I let her do something,” Astra said, before reconsidering her words. “Well, she would try to, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truth was that Astra had not even found out about Alex’s continued incursions until the human had mentioned it over one of their shared dinners, which were becoming more and more regular these days. Astra didn’t bother revealing that fact, though, well aware that it would only make Alura’s frown more pronounced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Others thought that the law was Alura’s specialty. Astra, meanwhile, was one of the few who knew that her true talents lay in anxiety. While Astra considered herself to be a strategic thinker, Alura could put a computer to shame with her prodigious ability to see every way in which a simple decision could go wrong. Astra had thought it would ease when Alura had married into the practically royal house of El, and all the protections that would afford, but it had gotten worse, if anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Zod might get curious about why she keeps going back there,” Alura said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if he realizes that she is practically employed by the ship at this point,” Astra said. “If she works there regularly, it will raise less suspicion when she makes her escape attempt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dru-Zod does not think logically,” Alura said. “He is paranoid to a level that you cannot imagine, Astra. Please, do not underestimate him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise not to underestimate the commanding officer whom I have worked under for the last seventeen years,” Astra said, dryly. “Are you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura sighed and sank into the same chair that Astra was occupying, not budging until a grumbling Astra shifted to make space for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just worried that you’re not being rational, when it comes to her,” Alura mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am perfectly rational,” Astra said, outraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura rolled her eyes. “Then what are you doing waiting up for her? From what Alexandra tells me, you have no such arrangement where you’d be required to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra frowned. “I happen to be reading a very interesting book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura contorted her body in order to peer down at the title. “It’s an introductory guide to animal husbandry. Astra, you have never set foot in a farming sector in your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra closed it with a snap. “Perhaps I’m considering a career change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure.” Alura looked amused, her eyes glinting with a knowing look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you had come by to drop off some lecture notes for Alex on behalf of Kara,” Astra said, pointedly looking at the tablet that had already been deposited on the table. “Won’t Zor-El be missing you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alura threw her a reproachful look, before she got up with a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “At least pick a book on a more believable subject next time,” she murmured, patting Astra on the shoulder on the way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Long after Alura had left, though, Astra stayed stranded on the daybed. Book forgotten, she stared unseeingly at the wall opposite her, aware that she was waiting, and that Alura had been right, perhaps more right even than she knew.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the weeks passed, Alex didn’t quite know why she kept returning regularly to J’onn’s ship to help his crew. It was not as if she needed to, considering that Alex had a feeling that harbouring her hadn’t even made a dent on the In-Ze reserves. And the intellectual keenness that the work demanded of her was as exhausting as it was exhilarating, often leaving her dead to the world by the time she left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, Alex kept coming back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there was a strange peace, when flying home at night. Alex lay almost comatose in the flyer, devoutly thankful that Astra had dedicated it solely for her use, and simply basked in the silence of the night, as the thing navigated seamlessly through the sky of Argo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until recently, she had also been used to the house being equally silent, by the time she returned home. But that night, as Alex slipped out of her boots, entertaining the idea of having a late night snack while looking over more tutorial notes that Kara had sent her, she spotted the tell-tale boots of Astra’s stacked neatly by the doorway. Alex immediately discarded all her previous plans, in favour of heading to the bedroom in a beeline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t surprised, upon entering, to see Astra sprawled on her customary side of the bed, blankets flung away from her as was her preference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra shifted the angle of her body enough to catch Alex’s eyes as she entered, though her eyes were still hooded with sleep. Astra was the only person Alex knew who could fall asleep as soon as she hit the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re two days early,” Alex said, not bothering to keep the surprise and pleasure out of her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite Alex’s increasingly amused protests, Astra was still away from the house almost as much as she was home. Alex knew that the excuses were just a clumsy way for Astra to give Alex enough time for her “personal space”. When her initial exasperation had faded away, she had begun to look forward to the newest excuse Astra would come up with to be away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The meetings with Kandor’s co-counsel wrapped up earlier than expected,” Astra replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice sounded as drowsy as she looked, but she had not shifted her eyes or her body away from Alex, or shown any other sign of wanting to get back to her sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stifled a playfully sarcastic question on whether or not the diplomatic meetings had managed to stop the no-doubt catastrophic conflict that Astra had been deployed to stop, and slid silently into bed beside her, too tired to change into actual sleep clothes after removing her shirt and trousers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighed softly when the sheets settled over her sore body, but her skin erupted into goosebumps when Astra’s hand splayed over her exposed stomach, her fingers rubbing soft grooves into Alex’s skin. Even tired to the bone as she was, Alex couldn’t help but want to melt under the soft touch of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long day,” Alex whispered, and she really was so tired that it was almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy </span>
  </em>
  <span>to overlook the yearning that those fingers aroused in her, with just that inquiring touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fingers stopped, though the hands stayed in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good night, brave one,” Astra murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were closed when Alex chanced a sideways look, and Alex felt something flip inside her at how unguarded she looked, with flyaway strands of hair dancing over her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex immediately squashed that thought. She couldn’t afford to think of things like that, not when winter was drawing ever closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she let herself drift off to an uneasy sleep, Astra’s hand still anchoring her to the bed.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The flipside of working the later hours at the docks was, Alex was as tired as a dog in the mornings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Danvers!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex jerked her slowly nodding head awake, to find her tutor - or Kara’s tutor, more accurately - bearing down on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you were listening to a word I said, were you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked blearily up at him, before stealing a sideways glance at Kara, who was seated next to her, her eyes flitting avidly between Alex and the tutor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Erm,” Alex ventured. “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Alura had told Alex that she would have to attend elementary guild classes, in order to bring her up to speed on Kryptonian education, Alex had flat out refused. In the end, they had worked out a compromise, where Alex would attend Kara’s one-on-one tutoring sessions as an onlooker. And so, Alex had escaped the indignity of actually having to attend guild classes with </span>
  <em>
    <span>children</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, it wasn’t much better to be tutored side-by-side with a ten year old who could run circles around you in </span>
  <em>
    <span>every</span>
  </em>
  <span> subject that you had once considered yourself to be excellent in. Not to mention, Alex was a walking corpse between her scant hours of sleep and her physical exhaustion, and her tutor had never failed to notice that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am sure that joke would have been considered very clever on Earth, but we are studying physics, not biology,” he barked now, looking exasperated. “What. Is. Ran-Il’s. Universal. Fundament. If you had even cursorily looked over the readings I assigned, you would know the answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex held back a frustrated reply. The answer was at the tip of her tongue, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>it; it was just Krypton’s version of Planck’s fucking Constant, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember how the Kryptonese measurements for it went.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss Danvers?" the lecturer prompted her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt the exasperated scrutiny on her, and stifled the urge to snap back with "I don't know but why the fuck are you teaching college level quantum physics to a ten year old?", when there was a ringing clatter next to her.</span>
</p><p><span>“Oops,” Kara said brightly, at the mess of crystal around her desk, the broken remnants of that communication globe she always carried around, the thing she referred to as a </span><em><span>spy</span></em> <em><span>beacon</span></em><span>.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Miss Zor-El,” the lecturer said, looking scandalized as he turned to Kara, “Do you have any idea how rare that artifact was? Why, your aunt would be-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved on to berating Kara, completely forgetting about Alex in the process, who stole the opportunity to flip through the notes on her tablet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chanced a look up again when the frazzled lecturer returned to combing through his own notes, and caught Kara’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kid winked.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s only so hard on you because he knows you can do it, you know,” Kara said, as they ambled through the streets, on their way back from the guild.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned, and worried a pebble on the ground with her boots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He treats me like I’m braindead,” she said, skeptically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way,” Kara said. “Uncle Jor-El is just, kind of difficult to get along with. It took a long time for him to agree to tutor even me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” was all Alex said in return, but significantly less pebbles in her path were abused by her boots after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As was quickly becoming the usual pattern, she let Kara drag her through the city rather than heading straight home, knowing full well that half the reason she was asked along for the ride was because it gave Kara an excuse to go out, if she was just “showing Alex around”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, Alex figured she owed her, so she let herself be dragged from stall to stall, in Kara’s eagerness to visit </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the brief hours before Zor-El was due to return from his council duties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, though, even Kara’s enthusiasm flagged, and she called for the flier, offering Alex a ride back along the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Alex said waving off the offer. She looked around her, at the abundant beauty of Krypton’s foliage all around her, even in the heart of the city. “I think I’ll walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waved Kara off, and took a meandering path back home, staring around her at the mostly vermilion flora that covered much of Argo’s landscape, and sometimes even its buildings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that Alex had a way off the planet, and did not consider it to be a prison, she found that she was coming to enjoy learning more about the place, and not simply from an academic point of view. As her innate scientific curiosity returned to her, the  beauty of Krypton’s environments and its architecture did not escape her any more than its functionality. Where Earth’s technology had given way to more and more sterile, glass-walled buildings as technology progressed, Krypton almost seemed to have regressed, the architecture being built in harmony with the nature around it, instead of repelling it. It was almost like the Kryptonians had clung harder to nature and to traditions, as technology ripped away more and more of their fundamental beliefs and ways of life. Anachronistic as it seemed to her, Alex couldn’t deny that there was a beauty to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she made her roundabout way home, Alex was roundly ignored these days, something she was wholly glad about. Kryptonians, notoriously clannish though they were, were in the same vein too obsessed with their own lives to be bothered over her presence for long. She was out of place, but since she continued to exist out of place, and under the protection of a great house, most of the citizens of Argo seemed to have accepted her as something they could not change, and moved on. And they’d probably continue to move on, so long as Alex didn’t continue to cause waves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Alex, in any case, had no plan of even staying long enough to cause any further waves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra wasn’t home again, when Alex returned, but she was usually out away in the daytime, except for the afternoons that she devoted to her gardening. Alex milled around the rooms instead of getting to her research, idly wondering what Astra was doing. No obvious answer presented itself, so she returned to the main room and stared listlessly out of the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The plant that Astra had expertly twirled over the window ledge months ago, now fluttered its leaves in the slight wind. Alex trailed a finger over the vines, tugging slightly at them, but they didn’t budge, having had enough time to sink their tendrils into the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let them be, and moved away, a sudden sense of unease overtaking her.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astra returned that very night, a fact Alex found out when she walked around to the back of the house around twilight, and spied the general herself near the edge of the lake, idly skipping rocks into the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me guess, your guild couldn’t find yet another almost-war for you to go stop just in time?” Alex asked, as she neared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra arched her neck up, as Alex slid down the wet grass to sit next to her. “I don’t understand you sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you do,” Alex said, turning sideways to study her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Astra didn’t seem in the mood to pick the argument that night. She smiled beatifically, although Alex wasn’t sure whether it was at her or the general atmosphere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the quiet here,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex studied her and that smile, before swallowing and looking back at the lake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said, quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t resist when Astra shifted closer to her, and pressed their lips together in a sweet enquiring way, nor when Astra tugged her up afterwards, and led her back towards the house.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something about having sex with Astra that sometimes made Alex stupidly wonder, if there was something deeper there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In bed, Astra’s cold reserve melted into something warm and fervent that Alex couldn’t help but meet in equal terms. The aura of authority she carried around her, that infuriated Alex at all other times with its high-handedness, was tempered in bed to a gentle dominance, which Alex found she didn’t mind so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t simply the sex. It was the fact that Astra, who was so guarded in every other moment of life, seemed to open up during their nights together in a way that made Alex feel free to drop her own guard too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know,” she murmured, fiddling with strands of Astra’s hair, as she rested against her shoulder. “If most of your people don’t really believe in Rao, and they don’t really believe in science either, what exactly do they think is out there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As expected, Astra took up their weeks-old debate without needing a reminder. She drew Alex closer against her and hummed, as if truly giving the idle question thought. Idle hands scratched over Alex’s head, combing through her hair and making her sink back with content.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Out there?” Astra echoed. “You mean beyond the galaxies and stars?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or inside them.” Alex shrugged. “Like some... some theory of everything, you know? Earth might be backwards in your view, but even our scientists and religions all have their pet hypotheses about the beginning and end of things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moved her restless fingers to draw aimless patterns into Astra’s hands, and felt some deep ache inside her at the way Astra caved in her touch. She closed her eyes and fought the urge, trying instead to focus on Astra’s answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There have been theories, of course,” Astra said. “I think there were many more before... well, before the schism, but even after that, think tanks funded by the Houses of El and Lor-Van have continued to propose theories, although I can’t recall the intricacies of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex considered that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My favourite is the ancestor simulation theory,” she murmured, more to keep the conversation going than anything else, reluctant to give up this moment of openness, even if common sense screamed otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s body shifted. “Simulation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it explains soulmates,” Alex said, looking up to meet her eyes briefly, and catching an odd flash in them. “That’s the main reason why the theory has such a credible hold on scientists. If our more advanced descendants, or perhaps just a more advanced alien race altogether, was running a millenia long simulation of life on our planets, just to see what would happen, and how events would take their course, that would kind of explain why soulmates have been assigned to each other, and how each planet has a unique way of identifying soulmates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Assigned?” Astra sounded amused. “You make it sound like one of those take-home pieces of work that my niece often complains about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex huffed. “It’s just a theory.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra fell silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That wouldn’t explain anomalies,” she said, eventually. “Soulmates across planets, for example, or between two species with entirely different ways of identifying their soulmates. If such a far fetched theory as a simulation were true, somewhere a henpecked scientist must be tearing their hair out over such anomalies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was, of course, talking in hypotheticals, but her words slammed into Alex like a freighter, hitting her so suddenly that she forgot how to breathe for some moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex?” Astra prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But her voice seemed to come from far away, as Alex stared at the wall opposite her unseeingly, while a flood of half-formed memories rushed in. She hadn’t dreamt it. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>been someone who had held her and Alex had Known and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was the wrong thing her body had rebelled against, the sense of unease that had popped up inside her at the oddest times, making her feel as if she’d betrayed something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her soulmate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her soulmate was out there, and instead Alex had been wasting her time on useless lectures and grunt work and half-baked theories. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dread curled in Alex’s stomach. Were they in danger? Were they hurt? Was that why they hadn’t come looking for her? Were they waiting for her to find them, and did they think themselves unwanted, now that Alex had repeatedly failed to even try to do so?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Alex had instead been busy with the ship and Kara and the work and- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shifted away, subtly climbing out of Astra’s hold. The woman didn’t seem to notice, for there was a distracted frown on her face, when Alex next risked a glance at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you wish, I can take you to one of the think tanks that Jor-El leads,” Astra said, out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Alex asked, too distracted by her own inner turmoil to follow her properly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an interesting organization,” Astra pursued. “I think you would find it so, given your line of work. Jor-El’s observatory is installed right atop the building, and is widely considered to be the greatest on Krypton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex forced herself to focus, and listen to Astra’s words, then balked immediately upon understanding what she had proposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra wanted to take Alex somewhere. Oh, she had couched it in banal terms, but it would essentially be a date. Astra showing Alex around when it was necessary for Alex to get acquainted with the city was one thing. Taking her on an excursion explicitly for her pleasure, that was quite another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Alex accepted, she would essentially be giving up on... everything. Her soulmate, her determination to leave this planet, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe some other time,” she replied evasively, feeling close to tears as she pulled the sheets up around her, and feigned a desire to sleep. “I’m a little tired, Astra. Let’s talk about this later, ok? Maybe tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s reply was delayed. When it came, it was in a clipped tone. “Alright. Good night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alex didn’t sleep, instead facing the wall wide-eyed all night, her thoughts raging in hypotheticals, and acutely aware of Astra mere inches away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra did not bring up the invitation again.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-news anchor voice- And in this chapter, we find out that Astra has allegedly been cockblocked by none other than... herself. </p><p>Thank you so much for reading! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. It could've been anybody, it was after dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The problem was that, once Alex made up her mind to find her soulmate, she didn’t actually have a clue how to go about it. If there was a guide to solving a dilemma like hers - <em> The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Finding Their Soulmate While Trapped On Another Planet That Likes To Kill Anyone Who Visits It- </em>Alex hadn’t found it yet.</p><p>She had decided to go the scientific route and make a timeline of everything she knew to have happened to her, from the moment she had landed on Krypton. Alex had thought it might lead to some new insight, or more clarity. </p><p>What actually happened was that she ended up staring for hours at a list that didn’t tell her anything she didn’t already know.</p><p>“You’ve been distracted all week,” Kara said, climbing over to spy on Alex’s tablet, and getting rebuffed. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Alex, who had once again been moodily staring at her timeline, palmed it shut. “Nothing.”</p><p>Astra was away on another one of her many “work trips”, which Alex had thought would fall into her favour. That had lasted until Alura had talked her into looking after Kara for that week, while she wrangled what she had called a ‘nightmare’ of a court case.</p><p>“Didn’t look like nothing,” Kara observed, making a grab for the tablet. “Show me what you were looking at.”</p><p>Alex bodily picked her up like a kitten, turning her back towards her own work. “Your mother only let me watch you if I promised to make sure you did your take home work, so get to it.”</p><p>Just like a cat, Kara evaded her hold and climbed on Alex’s back, clinging to her shirt and not letting go. “Tell me!”</p><p>“Ugh,” Alex buckled, to see if that would make her slide off, but tiny hands just fisted tighter into her back. “Okay, okay!”</p><p>She put down the tablet, and took a deep breath, trying to figure out how much she could tell Kara.</p><p>“I think that something happened, when I landed here.”</p><p>Kara stared. “Yes? There was a huge explosion, and you almost died.”</p><p>Alex sighed. “Not that. I mean, there was someone there, someone I met.”</p><p>Kara still looked confused. “Someone from the retrieval team?”</p><p>“No, I mean-” Alex scrubbed her face, wondering if even she herself knew what she meant. “I think that I just... You know when you experience something traumatic and your brain just, blocks your access to that memory, because it doesn’t want you to experience that trauma again?”</p><p>Kara shook her head.</p><p>“You brain... made you forget something?” she asked, slowly, as if she wasn’t quite sure if Alex was lying to her or not.</p><p>Alex frowned. “I think so. I keep getting these glimpses, but not enough to work it out, and it’s not like I can get someone to tell me.”</p><p>“Then you just have to find someone who knows what happened,” Kara said, sensibly. “Like the retrieval team that found you.”</p><p>“I’ve thought of that,” Alex said. “But, it’s not like Zod is exactly going to lay out a welcome rug for me if I go to him for information.”</p><p>She tried not to let her resentment show at the last part, but it seeped out between her words anyway.</p><p>Kara frowned. “Then, how are you going to figure it out?”</p><p>Alex collapsed backwards onto the sofa, glaring in disgust at the ceiling. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Kara was silent for some time, but just as Alex was about to tell her to get back to her homework, she spoke again.</p><p>“What if you find out another way?”</p><p>Alex looked down from her intensive study of the ceiling. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Kara’s face remained blank. “I don’t know. No one tells me about things like that.” Her expression turned mutinous. “No one ever tells me anything.”</p><p>Alex stifled the urge to sigh. Maybe it was better, ultimately, if Kara wasn’t involved in this.</p><p>“Except,” Kara drew out.</p><p>Alex perked up, all moral quandaries immediately forgotten. “Except what?”</p><p>“It was weird that you were admitted into the hospital that Mother funded, after you crash-landed,” Kara said, frowning. “Father once told me that the space fleet has its own medical stations all over Krypton. Logically, you should have been taken there, after one of the retrieval teams found you.”</p><p>Alex stared at her, deciding to table for now the fact that Kara’s family could apparently fund an entire hospital without breaking a sweat. “Maybe your mother’s hospital was the one closest to wherever they found me?”</p><p>Kara shook her head, looking unconvinced. “The hospital is in Kandor. Mother told me that you crash-landed somewhere in the plains of Wanan.”</p><p>Alex was frowning right along with her by then, chewing the inside of her cheeks as she tried to make sense of Kara’s words.</p><p>“I don’t get it,” she said. “Wasn’t there anything in the news about it? Footage of the crash, a news report, <em> something </em>?”</p><p>Kara shook her head again. “Not even Aunt Astra would have clearance to view that, I think.” Then she frowned. “But, maybe the council members might... and Father is on the council.”</p><p>Alex studied her curiously, not missing the gleam that had entered Kara’s eyes. “What are you saying? Would Zor-El know something that could help me?”</p><p>“Well,” Kara’s frown morphed into a startlingly impish smile. “Maybe we can find out.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you sure your dad isn’t going to be home today?” Alex asked.</p><p>She looked around Zor-El’s study, a sense of unease making her skin rise in goosebumps. Kara had broken them in without so much as breaking a sweat, which made Alex wonder just how much the kid took in of what went on around her, unnoticed by adults who seemed to be completely oblivious to the devious trickster they were raising.</p><p>“He always grumbles about having late meetings on this day of the week,” Kara said, breezily waving away Alex’s anxiety.</p><p>She returned to the terminal, rapidly waving screens into existence into the air in front of them, and keying in words in Kryptonese faster than Alex could decrypt them. Alex resigned herself to keeping a furtive eye on the door of the study instead, ears peeled for the faintest sound of a click.</p><p>“There,” Kara said, with satisfaction.</p><p>When Alex looked back, she had pulled up a dizzying array of screens, which Alex couldn’t even begin to parse, but which Kara seemed to be well-versed in navigating her way through.</p><p>“What’s there?” Alex asked.</p><p>“It’s the Council’s internal database,” Kara said. “I’ve seen Father accessing it. The council classifies <em> everything </em> in their records.”</p><p>Alex frowned, not feeling the bouncing exuberance of Kara, who seemed to be treating this like some thrilling adventure. </p><p>“How are we going to find out anything, then?” she asked.</p><p>Kara gave her a look like she had missed something very obvious.</p><p>“We search for it?”</p><p>“Of course,” Alex said, after a beat. “How could I not have thought of alien google?”</p><p>Kara’s face remained blank. “Alien what?”</p><p>"Never mind.“ Alex threw another look back at the door. “What do we search for, then? My name?”</p><p>She watched Kara input “Alex Danvers” in the most straightforward Kryptonese transliteration, only to shake her a moment later. </p><p>“There’s nothing.”</p><p>Alex stared blankly, before an idea struck.</p><p>“Try Alexandra Danvers,” she said, and when Kara frowned after inputting that, “Alexandra Rose Danvers?”</p><p>Another tap of the keyboard, another frown, and Alex suddenly realized where the issue might lie.</p><p>“Search for any records filed under In-Ze,” she said, in resignation.</p><p>Kara eyed her curiously, before typing it in as Alex had instructed.</p><p>“Oh, there’s a lot here,” she said, after a while. “But most of these are Mother’s case notes.”</p><p>She typed in something more, and Alex saw more than half the entries wiped away from the screen.</p><p>“And I think most of the rest of these are files are about Aunt Astra,” Kara muttered, her eyes narrowed as she sped past the entries. “That one is a citation against her from Commander Zod, that one is when she was almost arrested at the Xan City games, and that one was when she was called up to the Council for-”</p><p>Alex listened in fascinated mystification as Kara barrelled past entry after entry, until she finally gave an exclamation of triumph.</p><p>“This one is about you!” she called out. </p><p>Alex leaned forward eagerly. “What does it say?”</p><p>Kara’s eyes were narrowed in concentration again. </p><p>“Artifact 3 in Vault X3245: Remnants of crash-landing of item tagged XOLEG1289,” she read out, before sharing a confused look with Alex. “I’m guessing they mean your ship.”</p><p>Alex blinked, once again trying to remember the flimy details she could recall of the crash. “What remnants?”</p><p>Kara shrugged, looking as mystified as her, before she turned back to the screen.</p><p>“I think this part here is a location code,” she said, pointing to a sequence of Kryptonese under the entry.  “But, it just looks like a jumble of letters to me.”</p><p>Alex sighed, trying not to look too disappointed in front of Kara. But, it was as they both stood there, staring dejectedly at the screen, that a stern voice interrupted their concentration.</p><p>“What are you two doing?”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alex froze. Kara, in contrast, immediately turned towards the door, a sunny smile taking over her face. </p><p>“Mother! You’re home early.”</p><p>Alex turned back more slowly, subtly palming away the holo screens with her hands.</p><p>“A stay was granted on the case.” Alura didn’t seem fooled, venturing deeper into the room, and staring at the two of them.</p><p>“You know that your father likes his study undisturbed, Kara,” she said, looking with a troubled glance from her daughter to Alex. “Alex, I can’t believe you’ve let her lead you into whatever she’s up to.”</p><p>“What <em> I’m </em> up to?” Kara asked, looking outraged. “I was helping <em> her </em>!”</p><p><em> Traitor. </em>Alex stared from Kara to Alura, deciding there was no real point in hiding it now.</p><p>“I asked her to help me find out anything about what happened to my ship when I crash-landed,” she said.</p><p>Alura looked troubled, as Alex’s words dawned on her.</p><p>“Alexandra, the explosion all but disintegrated your ship. All that the retrieval team could recover were scraps.”</p><p>“Then, I should have been told about those scraps,” Alex said, frowning.</p><p>Alura massaged her head, looking stressed out. Alex would have felt sorry for her, if she wasn’t busy feeling sorry for herself. </p><p>“I don’t know how I’ll explain this all to Zor-El when he gets home,” Alura murmured. “Kara, please go elsewhere.”</p><p>Kara pouted, and seemed ready to argue. Another look at the stern expression on her mother’s face, though, and she seemed to reconsider, and left the room with alacrity. </p><p>Alura silently walked around Alex, and tapped the screen she had flicked away back to life. She studied it, her lips moving silently as she took in the information on screen, which seemed to make more sense to her than it did to Alex.</p><p>“I had no idea Kara could access these,” she said, lips pursed. “Well, at least she has taken care of the hard work for us.”</p><p>“What does it say?” Alex asked.</p><p>Alura looked reluctant.</p><p>“It’s the council’s filing system for the records building,” she answered. “I’m afraid I cannot go into the specifics of the encryption without committing a major security breach.”</p><p>“And <em> where </em> is the records building?” Alex pursued. </p><p>“It happens to be located in the heart of old Kandor,” Alura said. “As a voting member of the Legal guild, I do have access to it, but it’s only open for non-official perusal on evenings.”</p><p>She waved away the screen, and turned back to Alex.</p><p>“I am not lying when I say that all they could retrieve from your crash was unsalvageable wreckage. Whatever you seem to be hoping to find, it isn’t there.”</p><p>Alex was adamant. “Take me there.”</p><p>“Very well.” Alura sighed, and looked resigned. “Meet me at the front of the estate tomorrow evening.”</p><p>She put up a hand, as Alex’s mouth opened to argue.</p><p>“Please do not argue. There is a time and place for everything.”</p><p>Alex lets out a resigned huff. “Fine.”</p><p>Before she left the room though, a thought occurred to her and she whirled back to face Alura.</p><p>“You... you aren’t going to tell your sister about this, are you?”</p><p>There was a complex look on Alura’s face. “I think that if anyone should tell Astra about this, it should be yourself.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alex meandered on her way home, walking through the streets in a daze. More than once, she bumped into a pole, but even that didn’t put a dent into her absorption in her thoughts. </p><p>Alura’s parting words had struck Alex deeper than the woman had probably realized, had pierced right through her laser-focused quest to solve the mystery of her missing soulmate. To have wanted something for so long, and to finally have it almost in her grasp, she was now agonizing over every second left that it would all just turn out to be false hope, just another dream crumbled to dust. </p><p>After all, who was to say Alex would find anything, even if she could trust Alura to help her?</p><p>She was still lost in her thoughts, when she finally reached the house. Mechanically, Alex palmed the door open, ready to collapse into the nearest horizontal surface. Just as she was getting ready to stew in her solitude, a glance through a window showed her that she was mistaken. She wasn’t alone in the house, after all. </p><p>Astra was out in the garden, apparently engaged in mortal combat with the new robot that was supposed to be helping her water the plants.</p><p>Alex mechanically deposited her bag on the tablet, and walked through the side door, her heart thudding in her chest. Astra wasn’t supposed to be back until the end of the week. Surely she hadn’t found out, surely Alura hadn’t told her, after she had <em> promised </em>-</p><p>But, a smile bloomed instantly on Astra’s face, as she looked away from the robot and spotted Alex. Alex sagged with relief, her heart returning to a more normal pace. </p><p>“You’re back early,” she said. </p><p>“I am,” Astra said, turning her attention back to redirecting the robot towards the correct row of plants. “I’ve provided dinner to make up for it, however.”</p><p>Alex chewed her tongue, not sure how to respond to that.</p><p>“You cooked?” she asked, finally.</p><p>Whereas Alex at least tried her hand at dinner once in a while, despite the attempts ending disastrously more often than not, Astra simply never even bothered, except for that one morning after the wedding.</p><p>“I certainly placed the container of food on the heating pad myself,” Astra said.</p><p>Alex snorted, and just stood there watching, as the robot misidentified Astra as a plant, and turned its watering spout onto her head. Astra looked so outraged at the water splashing over her hair that Alex cackled, her anxieties thoroughly forgotten. Of course, this caused Astra to turn on her, guiding the robot towards Alex with vengeful determination, so she escaped back into the house, making a beeline towards the dining area. Astra followed moments later, grumbling and thoroughly soaked.</p><p>The dinner was surprisingly edible, considering the amount of attention Astra usually paid to heating instructions. Alex inhaled her way through most of it, realizing that between sneaking in with Kara into her father’s study, and her extended walk afterwards, she had completely forgotten to eat the entire day. Unfortunately, her haste resulted in her choking midway through the meal.</p><p>Astra looked up from her own plate with interest, as Alex hacked out coughs, trying to dislodge the bite that had gone the wrong way. </p><p>“Do you require spoon-feeding?” she asked, when Alex’s coughs finally subsided. </p><p>Alex glared at her balefully as she grabbed a glass of water, downing half of it in one go, only to erupt into another coughing fit when Astra smiled in response.</p><p>“I’m good.” Alex swallowed another gulp of water and leaned back against her seat, so that she could better resist the urge to bang her head into the table repeatedly. “You’re worse than Kara, I swear.”</p><p>She sobered as Astra turned back to her food. Alex covertly watched her eat, wondering what was going through Astra’s mind right now. Probably wistful day dreams about junking that watering robot of hers and getting a new one, or plans for what she would have to get done at work the next day. They were certainly not so tortured or complex as any of the thoughts plaguing Alex. They couldn’t be, unless she somehow knew what Alex was planning, with the help of her own sister. </p><p>Alex bit back a sigh. She was being stupid, letting her resolve weaken like this just because the way Astra looked at her tended to do funny things to do her body. She couldn’t second guess herself, or waver now, not when she was so close to grasping something that she’d long thought was not an option for her.</p><p>And it was not as if... Alex gripped her drink with both hands. It was not as if she had given Astra false hope, the way Non had. Her and Astra had <em> agreed </em> from the start how things were between them. Alex had been <em> fair. </em></p><p>Now, if only she could stop feeling so guilty.  </p><p>“Astra,” she began.</p><p>Astra looked up from her food again.</p><p>“Thanks,” Alex said. </p><p>Astra looked amused.</p><p>“The food cannot be that good, Alex.”</p><p>Alex swallowed and leaned back, rolling her eyes at Astra.</p><p>“You know what I mean,” she huffed.</p><p>There was a quizzical smile playing over Astra’s face, as she studied Alex.</p><p>“I’m afraid I really do not.”</p><p>Alex studied her right back, realizing that this was one of the first times she had ever seen Astra smile outside of bed, and that it might perhaps be one of the last.</p><p>“I mean, thank you for... everything,” she whispered. “You’ve been... I mean, there are worse people to be fake married to.”</p><p>She cringed as soon as the words left her mouth, but Astra smirked.</p><p>“That famous Earth charm,” she said.</p><p>“You know what I mean,” Alex said, with a sigh. “You didn’t have to tell me about J’onn’s ship, but you did. I’m grateful, that’s all.”</p><p>She smiled when she saw that Astra’s eyes had that tell-tale glassy sheen to them, before she swiftly hid her face by looking down at her dinner. </p><p>“I’m not finished,” Alex said.</p><p>She hesitated, and then took a leap of faith, reaching across the table to cover Astra’s free hand with one of her own, stroking the back of it.</p><p>“I’ve learned a lot in the time I’ve spent here,” she said, softly. “I’ve seen this planet the way you see it, Astra, the way we never got to see it from the outside. The little pockets of happiness you all share, when you think no one is looking. I want to tell people about that, about the Krypton you wanted us to know about, the one Zod prevents you from showing to the outside, and I want to dedicate that work to you.”</p><p>It was the least she could do, she knew, for the kindness that Astra and her family had shown her, a virtual stranger, but Alex thought that maybe it would be enough. Maybe Alex still didn’t have it in her to rise to the heights of scholarship that her parents had managed, but just then, she just wanted to do this one thing, for Astra. That would be enough.</p><p>“And for what it’s worth,” she said, biting her lips, “I’m sorry that Non treated you like that.”</p><p>To have just abandoned Astra without a thought... Alex suddenly felt a hot flush of anger. No one deserved to be treated like that, let alone- let alone-</p><p>But, Astra’s attention was focused on the hand covering hers, and the look on her face was one of bemusement, rather than the tearful expression from mere moments ago.</p><p>“I assure you I’m not wasting away over it,” she said, abruptly freeing her hand from Alex’s hold,  to take another sip of her drink. “That was almost a decade ago, Alex.”</p><p>There was something tense about her tone, so Alex let it go. She still felt dissatisfied, though, stealing covert glances at Astra’s grave profile as she ate, and feeling frustrated with herself for not being able to communicate quite what she wanted to get across.</p><p>But, it was much later in the night, when Alex was preparing to head to bed, that Astra made it clear just how much Alex’s words had affected her.</p><p>Alex was heading into the bedroom, drying off her freshly washed hair. In frustration, she tugged at the soaked locks, realizing that they were getting just a little too long for comfort. </p><p>“I could trim them for you,” came a voice from the doorway.</p><p>Alex started, and turned back to see Astra leaning against the door, frowning at something past Alex.</p><p>“Oh,” Alex said, and then, “Um.”</p><p>“We had to take care of such things ourselves, when stationed for long periods of time around the border,” Astra said. “I’ve gotten quite good at it.”</p><p>She neared as she spoke, and teased out the strands that Alex had been trying to unknot, though her eyes never left Alex’s own. Alex blinked as droplets of water slid down the now-untangled locks onto her cheeks. She wanted to answer Astra’s request, but found herself quite unable to, when being stared at like that.</p><p>“Did you mean it?” Astra asked, abruptly.</p><p>Alex blinked again. “What?”</p><p>“What you said at dinner,” Astra clarified.</p><p>“I...” Alex stared up at her, still pinned by that intense gaze. “Yes, of course, Astra. Why wouldn’t-”</p><p>She didn’t have time to finish her answer, before she was pressed up against the wall, as Astra pinned Alex’s body to it with her own without breaking a sweat. She muffled Alex’s sound of surprise with a slow, consuming kiss. </p><p>Alex took it in stride, her hands losing themselves in Astra’s hair as she raked her fingers hard right down to the scalp, and was gratified to hear Astra make a noise against her mouth. Astra didn’t stop, though, and just fused their lips together again, continuing to kiss Alex like she had only this one objective left in life. Eventually, Alex had to bang at her chest to break apart for air.</p><p>“Astra,” she gasped out, wheezing for breath when they separated. “Not that I’m complaining but, what the fuck.”</p><p>But Astra seemed senseless to words, nosing kisses down Alex’s jaw and throat instead, nipping at her skin without seeming to have any semblance of plan or control. She would bite at her jaw, and then her tongue flicked out against the column of Alex’s neck, before it moved to the shell of Alex’s ear, nipping at it with almost punishing fervour.</p><p>“Astra, <em> christ. </em>” The last part came out as a drawn out whimper, rather than the protest that Alex had meant it to be, as Astra followed the bite with a lascivious lick over the shell of her ear.</p><p>“The things you said,” Astra murmured against her ear.  “Did you mean them? Am I wrong in thinking that you feel what I feel?”</p><p>The only thing Alex felt just then was that she might possibly be on fire. There was something different about the way that Astra was holding on to her, something that hadn’t been there before, and Alex felt both drawn to and terrified of it, as if Astra had crossed some bridge without waiting for her.</p><p>“Alex,” Astra whispered, sounding out of breath. “Alex, please I- I-”</p><p>She stopped, and her head fell to meet the wall behind Alex with an audible thump.</p><p>“Why will you not say anything?”</p><p>Alex stared up at the ceiling, trying to get her hammering heart to calm down. She had tried so desperately to forget this part, as she forged full steam ahead with her plan. But, she couldn’t forget it now, not with Astra preseed so excruciatingly against her. Despite being reduced to breathless silence, Alex thought she might scream out of sheer frustration, if Astra moved away right then.</p><p>And she almost did, when Astra began to pull away. Alex grabbed her and pressed their bodies together again, hands digging into Astra’s back through her shirt, to keep her there.</p><p>“Do that again,” she said, her voice still breathy. </p><p>Astra looked unfocused, as their eyes locked on to each other in the darkness.</p><p>“Do that again?” she echoed, the words coming out stalled.</p><p>“Again,” Alex said, gripping her more insistently. “The thing with your teeth.”</p><p>Astra didn’t need telling twice. She only stared in delayed comprehension at Alex for a few moments, before the intensity returned to her eyes and she pinned Alex in place with her hips, as her hot breath ghosted over Alex’s neck.</p><p>It was much later, when Astra was sleeping away in bed, that Alex was once again staring up at the ceiling, her mind raging like a storm. Except this time, there was only one thought in her head, circling through her consciousness over and over again like a sudden madness.</p><p>It would be so easy to fail to meet Alura tomorrow, in the Records building. It would be so easy for Alex to simply stay here, cocooned in the warmth of this bed, and forget all about a soulmate who might not even exist. In the safety of the night, Alex dared to dream of a future where she stayed, and actually got to know the frustratingly opaque woman sleeping next to her, and built a life together with her.</p><p>And then, reality returned, and she deflated. Not only would she be abandoning her soulmate if she did that, she would also not be doing Astra any favours, in tethering her to such an imperfect match that Astra had never even asked for, in a society that demanded absolute perfection from its citizens.</p><p>In the end, Alex had to admit with a sinking heart that her mad hope was as unrealistic as it had always been, in all the previous times that she had dared to entertain it, in the dead nights when she lay awake listening to Astra’s breathing.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Despite everything, Alex was standing right there in front of the Records building the next evening, arriving well in advance of the time that she had arranged with Alura. Alura, arriving just on time, looked exasperated when she spotted Alex standing on the street right in front of the building.</p><p>“Please step into the shadows,” she fretted, pulling Alex back under the cover of the overhanging. “If word of what we are doing got back to Zod- “</p><p>“What’s Zod going to do?” Alex asked, amused. “Write a strongly worded letter to Zor-el about you?”</p><p>Alura sighed, looking exhausted. </p><p>“I’m risking a lot by helping you do this,” she said, leading the way into the building. “You do not have to make this any harder for me.”</p><p>Alex fell silent, chagrined. Mutely, she followed Alura as she entered the building, and swept past the obviously curious clerk on guard. Alura didn’t stop to explain, leading Alex past the distant archives instead, and into a chamber that looked ancient, compared to the sleeker architecture of the rest of the building.</p><p>“The vaults,” Alura said, pointing at the giant rows of wooden enclosures. </p><p>She paced through them, counting under her breath as Alex followed, before finally stepping by one that didn’t look so coated with dust as the others.</p><p>“This one,” Alura said. </p><p>She flashed her hand over the door, and then stepped back to look at Alex with a confused air, as the it unlocked.</p><p>“What could you possibly hope to find in here?”</p><p>Alex hurried past her to heave up the heavy door, and eyed the layers of charred metal and plastic that had once made up her ship, and which were now piled up into meticulously arranged piles of debris inside the cavernous box..</p><p>“This is all they found?” she asked, looking back up at Alura. “Nobody took anything away, did they?”</p><p>Alura shook her head, still looking nonplussed.</p><p>“If a planet’s embassy requires it, it will be returned,” she said. “Otherwise, it’s simply kept here forever. Even if a scientist does express interest in going through the... rabble, interplanetary agreements prevent the council from giving them the permission to do so.”</p><p>Alex shrugged her coat off, and started sorting through the debris without preamble, taking care to avoid the sharp edges of the metal. She didn’t come away entirely unscathed, though, her skin becoming coated with an increasing amount of small cuts as she searched through the pile.</p><p>“Alexandra, you can’t truly believe that you can find anything of interest in there,” Alura tried again. “It was a miracle that you were recovered from the ship in time; there was no time to retrieve much else.”</p><p>Alex ignored her, and continued searching, gradually building up a method to her sorting of the debris, while her heart rate sped up with anticipation.</p><p>There was no way that the Kryptonians could have just thrown it away in here, could they? Had they really not realized what it was, and left it undefiled?</p><p>And then, finally, Alex spied something rectangular beneath the piles of rabble.</p><p>They had.</p><p>Letting out a relieved breath, Alex fished it out. She came away with further fresh cuts to her hand, but with her prize safely in her grip.</p><p>“The black box,” she breathed out. “It’s here!”</p><p>She caught Alura’s confused look, directed at the bright orange paint of the box, that was clear even through the soot covering it.</p><p>“It’s an old name,” Alex said, waving her confusion away. “It’s a flight recorder installed on all ships leaving Earth, recording everything in case of a crash. Are you telling me Krypton doesn’t have them?”</p><p>Alura’s gaze grew more mystified. </p><p>“I don’t know the details of such things,” she murmured. “But, I would assume that such information would be transmitted in real time to our satellite stations, instead of being stored in a... a box? What if the box were not found?”</p><p>“That’s too sensible, and us humans aren’t known for our common sense,” Alex griped, and hefted the heavy box into a more comfortable position. “I’m taking this.” </p><p>She glared at Alura, who seemed on the verge of argument.</p><p>“It’s from my ship,” Alex said.</p><p>Alura sighed.</p><p>“I really don’t understand what you think this will accomplish,” she said, but waved Alex to the door in a resigned way. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Cutting through the steel and titanium of the box went easier than Alex had anticipated, owing to her stealing one of the laser weapons from Astra’s collection. More frustrating was that Alura, perhaps realizing that she had allowed Alex entirely too much leeway thus far, insisted on taking Alex to the estate and supervising what she did with the box.</p><p>Still, as the laser slowly but inexorably cut through the metal, Alex let herself give in to her anticipation. With shaking hands, she dug out the tiny memory chip encased at the heart of the black box, and plugged it into the decoder.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Alura asked.</p><p>Alex didn’t bother answering her, and merely navigated her way through the recording, skipping to right near the end of it. </p><p>“What is that thing?” Alura tried again. “Surely, it can’t-”</p><p>She trailed off, as a long hiss of static emitted from the speakers.</p><p>And then a voice, faint and tense, went “<em> Fuck.” </em></p><p>With a jolt, Alex recognized the voice to be her own.</p><p>And then, her voice again, realizing the doom that was about to befall her. “Fuck fuck fuck, oh <em> fuck.” </em></p><p>Then, nothing but the hiss of static, and the sound of what Alex thought might be wind, as the ship probably plummeted.</p><p>The sound of a crash, the first impact.</p><p>More silence.</p><p>And then, there came another voice, this one sounding weirdly tinny, as if it was a recording of a recording, and quite youthful.</p><p>“General In-Ze, the commander orders you not to engage,” the voice said, in Kryptonese.</p><p>Alex froze, and turned back to look at Alura. Alura had gone pale, and sagged against the table, bracing a hand against it for support.</p><p>Wordlessly, Alex turned back to the recording, where the only sounds that could now be heard were of Alex’s laboured gasps, and someone else’s more even exhalations, while something crackled in the background.</p><p>And then came a voice that was, unmistakably, Astra’s.</p><p>“I am flying a private vehicle belonging to me.” Astra sounded unconcerned, like she was doing a routine check. “As it happens, this intruder ship impacted in neutral territory, and is therefore not under the authority of the Space Fleet.”</p><p>There was more breathing, and what seemed to be an uncertain pause from whichever untrained lieutenant that Astra had been communicating with. And then, an older and more authoritative voice came over the recording, one that Alex recognized. </p><p>“But <em> you </em> are bloody well under <em> my </em>authority, In-Ze, so get the hell out of there now!”</p><p>“You’re cutting off, Commander Zod.” Astra’s voice still sounded remote and unengaged. “Let me restart the comlink to establish a better signal. I will speak to you when it is operational again.”</p><p>“I KNOW YOU’RE LYING,” the tinny voice of authority howled out. “GET BACK HERE, IN-ZE.”</p><p>Abruptly, the tinny voice cut off, as if Astra had just then turned her comlink off.</p><p>Then, there was the sound of sparks, more laboured breathing from Alex’s, and then Astra’s words again, awkwardly forming words in Standard. “You’re safe. It’s alright.”</p><p>The rustle of fabric, more hissing, and Astra seemed to rethink her words.</p><p>“As long as we get you out of here on time, that is. The ship is ready to explode, if those sparks are any indication.”</p><p>More minutes of breathing, of steps leading away, and then silence, except for strange thumps and hisses.</p><p>And then, the beginnings of a deafening explosion, followed by an eerie silence.</p><p>Alex stopped the recording, heart pounding, and turned back to Alura. </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I recognize that this is probably the worst possible day to post an update, seeing as everyone is focused on the very big thing that's happening that we're all trying not to focus on, but I finished editing this chapter today to distract myself, so it's getting posted today.</p><p>Thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. with left grief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asked, aware of her voice rapidly climbing in volume. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”</p><p>Alura started as Alex turned to her, as if she too had been caught up in the recording. </p><p>“The truth wasn’t mine to tell,” Alura said. “Astra didn’t... she told me not to-”</p><p>She petered out uncertainly, staring at Alex like she was some animal that might charge her at any time.</p><p>“She lied to me,” Alex said, feeling numb. “You all lied to me.”</p><p>“I had no idea of the truth of it at first,” Alura protested. “I swear that no one else knows.”</p><p>Alex studied her. If Kara was any indication, then Alura was a terrible liar, so the stricken expression on her face probably meant that she was telling the truth.</p><p>“But, she still knew,” she said. “She knew, and she-”</p><p>She scrubbed an agitated hand over her face. “So this is what Kara was confused about... this is why I was taken to your hospital. Because, it wasn’t Zod’s retrieval team that found me, was it? It was Astra.”</p><p>Astra, who had known all along and hadn’t told her. Who had played along coolly with Alex’s plan to escape the planet, had even facilitated it, knowing all along that the success of it would separate them forever.</p><p>“Take me home.”</p><p>“Alexandra-” Alura began.</p><p>“I want to go home,” Alex repeated, dragging shaking hands from her face, and trying not to burst into tears. “Please.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>Astra didn’t like going to the docks often. A decade’s worth of being relegated to patrolling them when she was a lieutenant had ensured that, as soon as she had been promoted away, she had never looked back. Not once had she experienced nostalgia for walking through the chaotic lines of ships embarking and disembarking. </p><p>So, when she visited the docks after returning from her meeting in Strau, it was not because of some sudden longing to once again do the backbreaking work of someone newly accepted into the Space Fleet. Indeed, she avoided the frequently travelled pathways altogether, skirting around the edges of the docks, until she spied a familiar grey monster of a ship.</p><p>“General,” a voice said as she neared it, its owner having crept up behind her so silently that even Astra hadn’t registered him. “Returned to your old hunting grounds?”</p><p>Astra turned around to see J’onn J’onzz surveying her, with the usual suspicion that was on his face every time they came within striking distance of each other.</p><p>“Captain,” Astra said, immediately on the defensive. “I was looking for Alex.”</p><p>The captain did not look impressed at Astra using her wife as a shield.</p><p>“You’re a little off the mark then, aren’t you?” he asked.</p><p>Despite her determination to be polite to the one who had, after all, agreed to do her a considerable favour, Astra’s eyes narrowed.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>J’onn gave her an odd look. “She’s not here, general.”</p><p>Astra who had been on edge with every week that drew them closer to winter, immediately stiffened. Now that she tuned into the bond, she realized that Alex was not indeed in the vicinity as Astra had gotten used to her being, but somewhere northwest of here.</p><p>“I was given to understand that she comes here every evening, on this day of the week, to assist your second-in-command,” she said, accusatorily. “She should be here.”</p><p>Zod couldn’t possibly have ferreted out their plan. Even if he had, surely even he wasn’t bold enough to have simply abducted Alex like some-</p><p>“She <em> usually </em> comes here on this day,” J’onn corrected her, before Astra’s mind could explode into potential disaster scenarios. “As a matter of fact, she was supposed to drop by and help us this evening, but she cancelled at the last minute. She had to go into Kandor, I believe.”</p><p>Astra relaxed. The In-Ze Estates sprawled over the border of both Argo City and Kandor. </p><p>“Ah,” she said. “Forced on some excursion by my niece, then.”</p><p>The captain seemed to become very interested in what was happening in the loading area of the ship, just then.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re right,” he said, without looking back at her. “You’ll have to excuse me a moment, general.”</p><p>Astra spared his retreating form a few moments of scrutiny, her skin prickling due to the way she was sure that he had avoided her gaze. But he returned soon, something held in his hands.</p><p>“I was going to give this to Alex when she dropped by,” he said. “Maybe you can take it home for her, instead.”</p><p>Astra studied the alien-looking plant being offered to her, with its sharply serrated green leaves, and the unsettlingly bright red petals of its flowers.</p><p>“Is this for some grotesque experiment Alex is undertaking?” she asked.</p><p>For the first time in perhaps the entirety of their acquaintance, J’onn J’onzz seemed amused by what Astra had said. </p><p>“These are roses,” he said. “They’re quite prized on Earth. No doubt she’d be familiar with them.”</p><p>Astra wondered how such a garish thing came to be prized on any planet, but decided not to argue the point.</p><p>“How much does she... we owe you for it?” she asked, finally accepting the plant.</p><p>The captain looked offended now, which was comfortingly familiar ground for them, as far as Astra was considered.</p><p>“It’s a gift, general,” he said. “Plants this delicate rarely survive the interstellar journey, and I rather think she would like to see something from her home planet, don’t you?”</p><p>He kept looking at her expectantly, until Astra gave a slow nod. She was indeed feeling a sudden fondness for the plant in her hands, eye-bleeding fluorescence and all. </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Astra was late returning home that night, which should have given Alex time to calm down. If anything, she found herself angrier as the time passed, stewing on every little detail of the conversations that they’d shared, picking apart every moment when Alex had thought they were getting closer, and realizing that Astra had been lying to her for every single moment of it. Astra had known all along that Alex was her soulmate and she had not let a word slip, not even in their nights together, when they had shared some of their most unguarded and intimate conversations.</p><p>Alex paced up and down the length of the main hallway of the house, feeling sick at the length of the deception. And <em> she </em> had been the one feeling guilty! <em> She </em> had been the one racking her brain day and night to give something to Astra that could possibly pay her back for everything she’d done for her. Meanwhile, Astra had been cold-bloodedly plotting to get rid of her with such finality.</p><p>And then, <em> finally </em>, there was a rustling from the front of the house. Alex stopped dead in her tracks, as the door slid open with a familiar click. </p><p>There was the soft sound of feet on the floor. Alex sprang into action, determined to outpace Astra and make it to the main room before she did, so that she could tell herself she’d chosen the turf. She swung open the door and barged in, ready to go. </p><p>And then stopped.</p><p>Astra was holding a spray of roses in her hands, the petals too vivid a red on Krypton. Alex could see where she was carelessly holding onto the thorned stems. She looked so comically awkward that Alex’s anger fled momentarily. </p><p>And then Astra smiled, and it surged back tenfold, until it took everything Alex had to not shake with rage.</p><p>“You really should just let me order food,” Astra said, eyeing the table where they ate, which was conspicuously free of sustenance. “Your determination to cook a palatable dinner one day is admirable, Alex, but there is such a thing as acknowledging one’s limits.”</p><p>Alex, wordless with rage, walked away from her.</p><p>There was a bowl of fruit on the table, the only thing adorning its otherwise empty surface. Astra had put it there a couple weeks ago, Alex remembered, after she had told her that her mother had always used to have one ready for when she came home from school. The bowl sat there incongruously on the table, that had once looked as unused and immaculate as a showpiece. Now, Alex plucked out two of the topmost fruits and tossed them to Astra, forcing the general to catch them in quick succession, which she did so without blinking an eye.</p><p>“Is dinner irreparably burnt, then?” Astra asked.</p><p>She looked amused, as she tossed the fruit back and forth between her hands. Alex’s determination to one day cook a meal fit for consumption always seemed to entertain her, even when it meant her having to eat the unsuccessful results.</p><p>This time, though, Alex was in no mood to respond in kind to the playful commentary. Wordlessly, she took a knife out of the cutlery holder and tossed it at Astra, who needed to do some very quick juggling to catch it.</p><p>“There,” Alex said shortly. “That’s your dinner. Enjoy.”</p><p>Finally, it seemed to dawn on Astra that everything wasn’t alright, and that this wasn’t Alex’s usual disgruntlement at a cooking session gone wrong.</p><p>“What is it?” she asked simply, taking a seat at the table.</p><p>Alex stubbornly remained standing, and stared down at the table, not trusting herself to speak. She had thought herself ready for this confrontation, but now she could feel her throat closing up, even as she fought for the right words.</p><p>“I’ve been thinking all night about it,” she said, finally. “Thinking of what I was going to scream at you, the moment you walked in through the door, the accusations I would hurl at you until you were speechless, but now I realize that all that is useless. Because you made your decision a long time ago, without ever consulting me, and I honestly don’t think that any amount of me screaming at you is going to make you regret what you did.”</p><p>This concluded, she glowered at Astra, daring her to contradict Alex’s insight. Astra only remained silent, staring at Alex quizzically, as if she was a chessboard and Astra was planning her next ten moves.</p><p>“Say something!” Alex snarled, when the silence got to her.</p><p>In frustration, she took the bouquet of roses that Astra had placed so delicately on the table, and gripped it in her hands, ready to smash it against the nearest wall.</p><p>Astra was out of her seat like lightning, and her hand clenched around Alex’s wrist, the grip almost painfully strong.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” she growled, looking angry for the first time.</p><p>Alex’s mouth opened in outrage, and her hands slackened, allowing Astra to steal the flowers back from her.</p><p>“Don’t I dare?” she echoed. “Don’t <em> I </em>dare?”</p><p>She watched in disbelief as Astra walked away from her, gently depositing the roses into a vase that was already half-filled with the other blossoms she cultivated.</p><p>When Astra returned to Alex, her face was grave, and all traces of her earlier playfulness were gone.</p><p>“How did you find out?” she asked, making it clear that she knew exactly what Alex was raving about.</p><p>Alex sagged, accepting that this was not working out in the way she had planned it in her head. She had envisioned Astra denying everything. She had envisioned herself pinning Astra with clever arguments and traps, until she broke down and admitted her wrongdoing. In her more fanciful imaginings, Alex had even thought that she might get Astra to offer an apology for treating Alex like this. That she might actually get her to display remorse. </p><p>But, Alex realized belatedly, those hopes were castles in the sky. This was the way it was always going to turn out. This was Astra, and Alex had been stupid to imagine that she could expect even the slightest concession from her.</p><p>“Is that really what you care about the most?” she asked, and was aware of her voice rising in volume. “How I found out?”</p><p>Astra frowned. “I think it’s crucial, don’t you? Word of this was not supposed to get out. If Zod finds out-”</p><p>“Shut up!” Alex shouted, and then barreled on, when Astra’s mouth opened again. “Stop scapegoating Zod for this! You just couldn’t <em> bear </em> being bonded to a human, could you? You could stoop to marrying one if it meant gallantly saving her from death, but you couldn’t bear actually revealing that your soulmate was some poor backwards being from the part of your galaxy that your planet doesn’t even want to acknowledge exists! Well, fuck you! I’m done with you!”</p><p>Astra’s face was pale with anger, by the time Alex was finished with this mini rant. </p><p>“You make a lot of assumptions,” she retorted. </p><p>“Am I wrong?” Alex asked her, half-pleadingly. “Can you honestly tell me that what I just said was a lie?”</p><p>Astra looked away. “I cannot honestly say there isn't truth in what you said.”</p><p>Alex let out a strangled laugh that sounded unnaturally loud to her own ears. “Oh my god, you're too egoistic to even admit it straight out, aren't you?”</p><p>“And you,” Astra snapped, “are so wrapped up in your own imagination of my slights against you, that you’ve not even bothered to hear an explanation from me.”</p><p>“Oh, now you want to explain,” Alex said. “After hiding my own soulmate from me for months! It’s too fucking late for an explanation.”</p><p>She stopped her tirade to take a breath, and that’s when Astra leapt forward and grabbed her, desperately pressing their mouths together. Her lips worked against Alex, coaxing them open, her tongue sliding against her as if she was desperately trying to convey a message that she couldn’t articulate with words.</p><p>Alex involuntarily opened under her, kissing her back before common sense returned, and she pushed Astra away. If Astra thought that would work, that Alex was so pathetically weak for her that she would give in and just-</p><p>Alex huffed and dragged back Astra in, holding her jaw in place to kiss her hard, while her free hand stole its way under her uniform.</p><p>“Did Non ever do this to you?” she whispered, as she broke the kiss briefly to see Astra’s jaw working, though she still looked livid. </p><p>Astra shook her head. Alex slid her fingers up the bare skin of her abdomen, and brushed the underside of her breasts, and Astra’s eyes closed for a moment, her head thrown back. Her anger seemed to melt away entirely, leaving nothing but open-mouthed need at Alex’s touch. Alex felt a powerful wave of pain wash over her at the vulnerable expression, and the fact that it could still affect her so profoundly.</p><p>“Did Non make you feel like this?” she whispered, mouthing the words against the line of Astra’s jaw, and hating that she truly wanted to know the answer to that.</p><p>At that, Astra’s eyes snapped back open, clear and sharp again, and she shoved Alex away from herself, causing her to stumble back.</p><p>“Alex-” Astra faltered, and then her voice returned as steady as ever, as she straightened herself. “We should never have done this so thoughtlessly. It was a mistake for me to ever let it happen in the first place.”</p><p>“Fine!” Alex snapped. With the hurt of rejection only fueling her already overpowering anger, she slapped away the hand that Astra threw up to stall her. “You can have your house to yourself. I’ll stay on J’onn’s ship until he takes off.”</p><p>“<em> Alex, please. </em>” Astra’s voice cracked for the first time, and something raw choked out of her throat in place of the usually smooth tones.</p><p>Alex stalled, her resolve faltering.</p><p>“You were the one who didn’t want me,” Astra said.</p><p>Her voice was low, with nothing of the confidence that she usually exuded without even seeming to try.</p><p>“Don’t you dare pin this on me,” Alex said. “I- when I said that, I- I didn’t know-”</p><p>“If you had known, what then?” Astra asked. “You’d immediately have changed your mind? Simply because of some superstitious sign that said that you were supposed to be mine?”</p><p>Alex pointed a shaking finger at her. </p><p>“I know what you’re doing,” she said. “You’re trying to make this my fault, like I’m the one who lied to you for <em> months </em>, like I’m the one who-”</p><p>“Brave one,” Astra interrupted, looking exhausted.</p><p>Alex’s anger flamed red hot again, at hearing the name that had once gotten her to drop her defenses with Astra for the first time.</p><p>“Don't you dare call me that ever again,” she hissed. “Just... just stay the fuck away from me.”</p><p>With that, she stormed out into the blind night.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The laboratory on J’onn’s ship was expansive, and so brightly lit that Alex had to squint, as she straightened up from the test-tube that she had been studying for the past quarter of an hour.</p><p>“This one won’t work,” she muttered, to no one in particular, and grabbed a pair of tweezers to pluck out the specimen.</p><p>J’onn, who had been some distance away from Alex, searching for something in the adjacent workspace, looked up.</p><p>“It looks fine to me, Danvers,” he said, eyeing the budding plant that Alex was carefully straining out.</p><p>“Key pathways are locked up,” Alex said, with annoyance. “I just wish I didn’t have to wait for each one to sprout until I know if it’s viable or not.”  </p><p>“Tell Roh to teach you how to work the growth simulator,” J’onn said. “That should cut the wait time down.”</p><p>He pulled a canister out of the box he had been rifling through, and headed for the door, but not before a parting shot. </p><p>“And get some sleep. The samples aren’t going to run away before you come back tomorrow.”</p><p>Alex blinked as the door shut behind him, before going back to glaring down at her test-tubes. </p><p>J’onn had been more understanding than she had expected him to be, when she had shown up at the ship after her argument with Astra, and asked to be allowed a place to stay. What he didn’t seem to understand was why she spent so much time in the lab, when he hadn’t even officially hired her yet. Alex, for her part, wasn’t about to explain to him that anything was better than being stuck in her bunk, with nothing but her own thoughts to plague her.</p><p><em> Oh no. No no no. </em>Alex shook her head to keep herself from going down that rabbithole again, and determinedly went back to the notes on her clipboard. Soon enough, she was absorbed back in her work, so thoroughly that she wasn’t even disturbed by the door opening again, until a familiar voice spoke.</p><p>“Alex.”</p><p>Alex looked up. It was M’gann, head peeking in through the barely open door.</p><p>“Got a visitor for you,” M’gann said.</p><p>Alex, already crossing over to the door, felt her heart speed up. She wrenched the door open with hands that threatened to shake. If Astra was coming crawling back, if she thought Alex would just-</p><p>But outside, trying to run out in front, only to be restrained single-handedly by M’gann, was-</p><p>“Kara!” Alex exclaimed.</p><p>“Saul caught her trying to sneak in through the cargo hold,” M’gann said, and her eyes crinkled in amusement, although her face was strict by the time she turned back to Kara. “You could’ve been killed.”</p><p>Kara stared back at her. “But I wasn’t.”</p><p>M’gann sighed. </p><p>“Is everyone from that family as unyielding as rocks?” she murmured to Alex, before her voice rose back to its natural pitch. “I’ll leave you two to chat, shall I?”</p><p>She wandered out the door, while Kara launched herself towards Alex in a tight hug.</p><p>“How dare you go without saying goodbye!” </p><p>Alex winced at the very real hurt in her tone.</p><p>“Who told you?” she said, returning the hug as she realized that Kara wasn’t letting go anytime soon.</p><p>The plan was predicated on very few people knowing about it, or caring what Alex did. Kara might be smart, but she was still a child. </p><p>But, Kara pulled back briefly, and gave her a look. </p><p>“I’ve known for months, Alex,” she said. “I overheard Aunt Astra telling Mother about it.”</p><p>Alex sighed. “Of course you did. Remind me to tell your mother that she has a budding criminal mastermind on her hands.”</p><p>On the other hand, if Kara had known about it this long, and kept silent, there was no harm in trusting her a little longer. Alex squeezed her tighter, not willing to be the first one to let go.</p><p>“I love you,” Kara whispered into the hold.</p><p>Sudden tears sprang to Alex’s eyes, and she blinked them away, knowing that they would set Kara off if she saw.</p><p>“I love you too,” she managed back, through a tightened throat, before pulling back and surveying Kara. “But, don’t go around breaking into random places on your own, ok? It’s not safe, and people might get angry.”</p><p>Kara looked mutinous. “My friend says it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”</p><p>Alex blinked, wondering how any Kryptonian alive could possibly express that kind of sentiment. “Who?”</p><p>“My penpal!” Kara said, with her hands on her hips. “Don’t you ever listen to me when I talk?”</p><p>Alex backtracked. “Oh, right. Your dad still doesn’t know you talk to her, huh?”</p><p>Kara shook her head, and then looked down. She looked uncharacteristically shy, all of a sudden, as she looked at Alex through her downturned lashes.</p><p>“Okay,” Alex said. She knew a puppy dog look when she saw it. “What do you want?”</p><p>In response, Kara took a folded piece of paper out of the bag slung over her shoulder. </p><p>“I wrote her a letter,” she said. “I spent weeks learning Standard, so that I could write it in a language that she could read in. When you get back to Earth, can you please give it to her?”</p><p>Alex stared at her. “Kara, I have no idea where on Earth your penpal is. How can I possibly deliver this to her?”</p><p>“Then find her!” Kara insisted, the words coming out of her in such a rush that they stumbled over one another. “I can give you her name, and what city she’s from, and can’t you just-”</p><p>She stopped, out of breath, and looked so pleadingly at Alex that her heart broke a little for the girl. </p><p>“Alright,” Alex said, as she sighed and took the letter. “I’ll do my best.”</p><p>She was wondering how on Earth she was going to find one kid out of all the billions on Earth, and what it would look like if Alex just showed up at her door, when another thought struck her.</p><p>“Bet your dad wasn’t happy about getting you Standard lessons. Didn’t he want you to learn Tamaranian this quarter?”</p><p>“Oh.” Kara looked shifty, staring away at the wall and then back at Alex. “I haven’t told him. I found someone else to teach me.”</p><p>Alex stared at her, feeling like a stone had fallen into her stomach out of nowhere. There was no doubt exactly who Kara meant.</p><p>“Right,” she said. “Well.”</p><p>“I have to go now,” Kara said. “I need to be home before Father comes back from his meeting.”</p><p>“Right,” Alex said again, and then frowned. “Wait, no. There’s no way I’m letting you go all the way back home by yourself.”</p><p>Of course she couldn’t fly Kara back herself, and she didn’t want to get her in trouble by contacting Alura to pick her up, which left only-</p><p>“M’gann agreed to fly me back,” Kara said.</p><p>“Oh.” Alex deflated, the traitorous hope that had flared up dying away as quickly as it had risen. “That’s alright, then.”</p><p>Kara gave her another lingering hug, and then she was out the door, but not before Alex spied the stray tears gathering at her eyes, mirrored by Alex’s own rapidly blurring vision. </p><p>Alex let her leave without another word, though, knowing that it was better than giving Kara some sort of hope that they might meet again.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>The day of her departure wasn’t different from any other day that Alex spent on the ship, except that this time she was dressed up in the same garish green as every other crew member, as she helped load the last of the cargo onto the ship, before lingering by one of the ship’s many windows.</p><p>“It’s been an exhausting week, hasn’t it?” M’gann commented, as she walked past, causing Alex to start. “I guess you’ll be glad to finally be heading home?”</p><p>Alex looked at her and then back out the window, nodding and hoping that M’gann would leave it at that.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said, belatedly, when M’gann didn’t show any sign of leaving. “Um... thanks, for everything.”</p><p>M’gann lifted her shoulders in a shrug.</p><p>“Oh, don’t pretend that you haven’t helped us too,” she said. “I don’t think J’onn is going to find a zenologist of your calibre anytime soon, judging by the way he sings your praises.”</p><p>Alex’s eyebrows rose in disbelief, unable to reconcile a sentence that had combined the Martian and singing. “<em> J’onn?” </em></p><p>“He was impressed with you,” M’gann said. “I’m just saying, if you’re ever looking for a career change, hypothetically one in which you’d get to travel a lot, there’s a spot open for you on the ship.”</p><p>With that, she sauntered towards nav, leaving Alex to glare out of the window, staring into the dark red world that had, mere months before, simply been a meaningless subject of research for her. </p><p>Her shoulders were tense, though, waiting for something. Her ears strained to catch the faintest shout, and her eyes fought to catch the slightest hint of white-streaked brown hair through the early morning mist. Her whole body was poised to rush out the moment she heard Astra’s voice, either to kill her, or to kiss her senseless. Alex didn’t know which one, and she never found out, because Astra never showed up.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Astra.”</p><p>Astra glowered in the direction of the front door, where the name had been spoken through the door three times now, with brief intervals in between, as if the speaker was quite aware that Astra was in the house.</p><p>“I know you haven’t got work scheduled for the day.” Alura’s long-suffering voice came through the door again. “And I know you haven’t got meetings, either. You can only stew in your own desolation for so long.”</p><p>Astra hunkered lower, resisting the urge to snap back at her sister that she could stew in anything she liked, and for as long as she liked.</p><p>“If you don’t reply, I’ll have to assume you’re in some very real danger, and break in with the spare access card that Kara so kindly stole for me.”</p><p>Astra huffed. She hadn’t expected her sweet niece to turn traitor, of all people.</p><p>“Last warning, Astra.”</p><p>“You can do what you like,” Astra snapped out.</p><p>There was a soft click, and Alura entered, immediately rushing over to the daybed that Astra had spent the better part of the week on, when she hadn’t been dragged into work. </p><p>“Look at you!” she said, looking horrified. </p><p>Astra futilely resisted the flyaway hands that fussed over her hair, finger-combing it back to some semblance of order.</p><p>“Stop mauling me!”</p><p>Alura didn’t stop, tucking away Astra’s newly tamed hair behind her ears, before her thumbs traced over her cheeks, staring into Astra’s eyes and studying her.</p><p>“Is it that bad?” she finally asked. </p><p>Astra stared at her, and then down, her indignance dying away.</p><p>“Yes.” She worked the one word around a swallow with great difficulty.</p><p>Alura embraced her, which made Astra stiffen again, though she relaxed as soon as Alura tucked her head into the crook of her shoulder.</p><p>“You haven’t even known her a full year yet, Astra.”</p><p>“She wanted to dedicate a book to me,” Astra said, and then glowered when she realized how peevish she sounded. </p><p>Alura seemed to sense the true reason behind her despair. </p><p>“I’d mention that there are other writers out there,” she said. “But, I don’t think that you’d accept substitutes.”</p><p>Astra shook her head mutely.</p><p>“You always did make things difficult for yourself,” Alura murmured.</p><p>Astra glowered, but Alura didn’t retract her surmise, nor did she allow Astra time to refute her claim.</p><p>“You have more pressing matters to attend to than wallowing in your own misery,” she said. “Dru-Zod wants to speak with you.”</p><p>Astra stared at her, a twisted and desperate hope returning to her. </p><p>“Zod found out about the plan?”</p><p>Had he stopped Alex from leaving? Was this the twisted way in which Astra was going to get her back? Astra was only half disgusted herself for that spark of hope, and it persisted, until Alura extinguished it with a simple pitying shake of her head.</p><p>“Once again, your competence is the undoing of you,” she said, gravely. “Their ship left exactly on time, Astra, down to the exact moment that you timed it with the captain. They had little difficulty in clearing the border guard, and had passed through the asteroid belt before Zod even discovered that one more citizen had been allowed through the border than was accounted for. He still hasn’t even realized that it was the Martians who spirited her away.”</p><p>Astra blew away the stray lock of uncombed hair that had fallen over her face. Strangely, now that all hope was lost, she felt some of the paralysis that she had been under leave her.</p><p>“I assume Zod is on the warpath,” she said, as she stood up. “He’ll want to examine me himself.”</p><p>“On the contrary,” Alura said, with a quizzical smile on her face, as she tossed a fresh shirt towards Astra. “Your extended sulk actually seems to have convinced him that you had nothing to do with Alex’s disappearance, than any protestations of innocence that you might have had prepared for him. He seems sorry for you, if anything.”</p><p>Astra spluttered in outrage.</p><p>“The nerve of that... that-” She took a deep breath. “Does he really think that I’m- that this is because of-”</p><p>“That you’re pining over her?” Alura finished for her, throwing up her hands, as she paced from one wall to the other.</p><p>She looked unrepentant, when Astra turned a baleful glare on her.</p><p>“Astra, you were planning to let her go from the start. And now she’s gone, exactly as you planned, and when you planned. Rationally, you have no reason to be upset.”</p><p>Rationally, Astra knew that. Rationally, she also wanted to take a hatchet to the opposite wall.</p><p>“You’re very good at comforting people, Alura. You should consider a change of profession, and enroll in the healer’s guild.”</p><p>Alura sighed, and resumed her pacing, which was at such a frantic pace now that Astra felt like her face was revolving, as she tried to keep her sister in her sights.</p><p>“I think that you would never have been satisfied with anyone,” Alura said, out of the blue.</p><p>She put up a hand to stall Astra’s protest, and continued.</p><p>“There <em> were </em> people who wanted to court you, Astra, and perhaps they were not up to your standard, but they were certainly better than Non, and you wilfully ignored all of them. You picked someone so woefully inadequate and unprincipled, that you were the only one who was surprised when he ran off.”</p><p>“Once again, which part of this was intended to comfort me?” Astra asked.</p><p>“None of it,” Alura said, rubbing her temples. “My point is that you’ve always set your standards impossibly high, based on the most inconsequential things. Zor and I are not the effortlessly perfect match that you seem to be under the assumption we are, but I choose to build a happy life with him. Such a compromise could never be enough for you, so you chose someone who was bound to ruin anything you tried to build with him. And then, when you find Alexandra, you let her go because nothing but complete agreement and submission from her would be enough for you, and she was unable to provide that from the start.”</p><p>“That’s a cruel way of putting it,” Astra said, and she really <em> was </em>stung, she who would normally have brushed such condemnation off. “What was I supposed to do? Coerce her into staying? Lie, beg, plead, manipulate her emotions in every way I could, in order to get her to stay?”</p><p>“Yes,” said Alura.</p><p>“Have you lost your mind?” Astra demanded.</p><p>“Yes, I think that Alexandra would have liked to hear a little pleading from you,” Alura said. “I think she would have liked to hear that you wanted her to stay; I think she might have even liked you to beg for it. I think she would have appreciated knowing the extent of your feelings for her, if only you had been willing to throw aside your ideals and pride long enough to humiliate yourself by doing something that lowly.”</p><p>There was silence for a very long time, after she had finished.</p><p>“Alright,” Astra said, finally. “You’ve thoroughly established how idiotic I’ve been.” </p><p>She sunk her head into her arms. </p><p>“Oh <em> Rao </em>, she’s gone. What have I done?”</p><p>She felt Alura’s arms around her, and her shoulders caved in, giving in to long-fought tears.</p><p>“How do I get her back, Alura?” </p><p>“That part,” Alura said ruefully, as she held her tighter, “is something that I can only tangentially help you with, I’m afraid.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> 19... 20... 21... </em>
</p><p>Alex grunted softly as she pulled herself up by her arms again, silently counting off to herself when her neck cleared the closet rod that she was using as an impromptu pullup bar.</p><p>
  <em> 22... 23... 24... </em>
</p><p>She jumped down as the rep ended, but didn’t give herself much of a break, before leaping up to catch the bar again. It wasn’t like there was anything else to do, stuck there in the tiny one-room bunk that she had been assigned to spend her quarantine period in, when she had been dropped off by J’onn ship on Earth’s orbiting spaceport.</p><p>
  <em> 1... 2.... 3...  </em>
</p><p>Alex huffed. She wouldn’t even be allowed to step foot on Earth until her three month quarantine was over, and they had even taken away her electronics until then.</p><p>
  <em> 4... 5... 6... </em>
</p><p>Once, they had let her go out into one of the more private halls of the station, from which Alex could see the Earth passing by below, blue and beautiful and welcoming, everything Krypton wasn’t. Alex had fled back to her room, and never returned. </p><p>
  <em> 13... 14... 15.. </em>
</p><p>She was partway through her sixth rep, when there was a knock on her door. Assuming that it was just some nurse asking her to come in for another decontamination session, Alex made them wait until she finished, before she jumped down and walked over to the door. She didn’t even bother with the peephole, and just swung open the door, frustrated and eager to get the daily ordeal over with. </p><p>And then froze.</p><p>“Hello, Alex,” said Astra.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The [redacted] are still going on, so I'm still editing these chapters just to distract myself lol. Thank you for reading and I hope you like this chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. If I loved you less</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Astra finally submits to the morifying ordeal of being known.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Hello, Alex,” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared. This was it. She’d gone so stircrazy that she’d started imagining things. Imagining </span>
  <em>
    <span>Astra.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But, no. There was a vein beating starkly in Astra’s temple that Alex had never spotted before, and she was subtly shifting her weight from one foot to the other, also a thing that Alex had never seen her do before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex opened her mouth, ready to tell her to go to hell, but the silence between them was broken instead by footsteps. Another voice spoke, loudly and exultantly, from the hallway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex turned around, and only had a few moments to take in a familiar beaming face, as it rushed towards her. Then, she was engulfed in a crushing hug by none other than Jeremiah Danvers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, oh sweetheart, it’s so good to see you again,” her father murmured, before releasing her. “I got here as soon as they allowed visitors again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad.” Alex still felt a little dazed, as she stepped back from the hug. Her head revolved from her father to Astra, and then back, like a marionette. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeremiah smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t think I would let my little girl be stuck up here all alone for three whole months, did you?” he asked. “I’ve worked something out with the station manager.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you’re not-” Alex said, and then started again. “I’ve still got almost two months left in the quarantine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father waved that away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you, I’ve worked something out,” he said. “Since you’ve cleared all your decontamination appointments without any issue, the manager’s agreed to let me take you down, as long as you spend the rest of the quarantine in our lab.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, he turned to Astra, and his eyes crinkled in that familiar friendly fashion of his. “And who’s this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra opened her mouth automatically, but Alex cut in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one,” she said, and spared Astra only one glare, before turning resolutely back to her father. “Get me out of here, dad. I’m sick of waiting around. I feel like I’ve done nothing but wait for months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeremiah looked hesitant, looking back at Astra, and then again at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, alright,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of his arms automatically went around her shoulders as he neared, as he was wont to do. Warmth flooded through Alex at the contact, taking away some of the bitterness of Astra watching them, silent as a shadow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me just come in and help you pack up your things,” her father added, after another puzzled glance at Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go now,” Alex said, huddling herself into his arms and refusing to follow the direction of his gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father looked even more puzzled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” he said. “I’ll just get the station manager to send your things, then, and you can fly down with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded and walked off down the hallway without another word, forcing Jeremiah to rush to keep up with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Astra finally spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” Astra said, again. “There are things I need to say to you. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t bother to turn around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say them to Zod,” she said. “Or someone else who’d care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she left, without once looking back.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Two months later</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grumbled as she pushed against Astra, sleepily trying to nudge the other woman back to her side of the bed. Astra remained solid and unmoving, no matter how hard Alex shoved, crowding her into a tiny corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra,” Alex grunted out, blindly shoving with her shoulder again, though the mass against her remained as unmoving as ever. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Move.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the sharpness of the voice, Alex’s eyes snapped open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy Lane stared down at her, frowning. Alex bolted upright in the bed, and stared wildly around her, realizing that she was not in fact on Krypton, fighting with Astra over bedspace. She had instead been butting up against the metal stand that adjoined the medical bed she was currently in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared back at Lucy, her heartbeat slowing as the last echoes of the dream left her. Lucy just looked confused, as she stood over Alex, arms folded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your father asked you to meet him after breakfast,” she said, frowning. “He says he wants to discuss how to move forward with your research, now that you’re done your quarantine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded as she stretched, and then grimaced at the thought of yet another unappetizing breakfast. Lucy left the room as Alex escaped the sheets, giving her privacy while she washed up. By the time Alex had forced down a bowl of tasteless rations and headed out the door, though, she fell into step with her before the end of the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t question it, but she did hunch over, still unused to having someone shadowing her again. At least her dad had agreed that it would be Lucy most of the time, rather than the other goons from Lane Security who wouldn’t even make small talk with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Lucy looked thrilled, exactly, to be shadowing her, although Alex couldn’t figure out what she had done to piss her off. They’d been friendly enough, before she’d left for Krypton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, you could just tell your dad to assign you somewhere else, if you hate this detail so much,” Alex commented, as they rounded the hallway where the meeting rooms were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy shook her head, as she pointed Alex towards the second of the rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really something else,” she said. “This isn’t about my job satisfaction, Alex. It’s about what a stupid fucking decision you made in coming back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned and turned to her, about to ask her what she meant by that. But, just then, her father looked up and spotted Alex through the glass walls of the meeting room. He waved her in, and Alex automatically obeyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning,” her dad said, the usual fond smile taking over his face, as he studied Alex. “How are you feeling today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll feel better when I get a proper breakfast in my system,” Alex grumbled. “How long do I have to keep eating that mush?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a few more weeks,” her dad assured her, patting her hand. “We need to make sure to introduce nothing too invasive into your diet, until we finish all the tests on your body. Once they’re done, I’m taking you down to the first Al’s we come to, and we’re going to stuff ourselves until we’re sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mollified, Alex sat down, and took the records he’d been looking over from his hands.  She noticed that Lucy didn’t leave, lingering near the door with two of the other guards, who showed her something on one of their phones. Lucy didn’t share their laughter at whatever it was they were looking at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Alex’s father turned to her, and pointed something out in the folder, and her attention was entirely taken up by him.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she wasn’t being poked and prodded at by machines, or in meetings with her father, Alex spent the majority of her time alone, transcribing the copious audio notes that she had made during her time on Krypton. She had always known that she couldn’t begin to cover even a material fraction of the beating heart and history of that planet, but she had tried to cut through as wide a swath of subjects as she could. She had covered snippets of everything from science to literature, and even esoteric philosophers’ musings, although those were rare on Krypton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was on another routine afternoon, while her father was away in Metropolis at a meeting, that Alex was working her way through her ninth notebook of the transcripts. Suddenly, there was a break in the audio recording, as her own voice abruptly cut off. Some moments later, a higher pitched voice, in a noticeably different cadence to her own clinical narration, began intoning.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The baffled stars, have-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex froze, and turned off the recording instinctively. Her breath felt like it had been suddenly knocked out of her. She had forgotten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra had, on one singular occasion, let Alex wheedle her into reciting one small poem, because Alex had wanted to hear it performed in the right rhythm and meter. It was the one time she had allowed Alex to record her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With shaking hands, Alex reached for the recorder again. She was about to resume playing the recording, when the door swung open. She jumped, the recorder almost flying out of her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chill,” Lucy Lane said, putting her hands up and looking at her oddly. “I just wanted to tell you I’ll be stepping out for a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Alex nodded her head rapidly, not really listening, and just trying to get her to leave as quickly as possible. “Well, see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Lucy seemed reluctant to leave, as she eyed Alex meaningfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I don’t usually take my break until the afternoon,” she said, and her voice was weirdly significant, and she was still eyeballing Alex in that weirdly intense way. “But something’s come up and I’ll be gone for a while. Maybe for half an hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh, no problem, “ Alex said. “Off you go, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Lucy looked doubtful before she exited, throwing one last look at Alex from the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex barely waited until she was out of the room, before pouncing back on the recording, reaching for it like a starving woman finally offered sustenance. She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, as Astra’s voice began reciting again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The poem had taken Astra only one try and less than a minute to recite, but tears were rolling down Alex’s face, as she reached the end of the recording. She covered her face with her hands, shaking with silent sobs, ambushed in broad daylight by the feelings of loss that she had tried so hard to suppress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was too exhausted to lie to herself anymore, too exhausted to pretend that she didn’t miss Astra. Didn’t miss the existence that they had carved out together, in a house that Astra hadn’t even bothered living in, until Alex had come along. Didn’t miss sleeping next to a body that was out like a light as soon as it hit the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because, Alex miserably admitted to herself, she’d fallen in love with Astra during their time together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t wanted to, at first. But her love had crept up on her, with every time she witnessed Astra puttering happily away in the gardens by herself, fighting to operate whichever “helpful” new robot that the House of El had gifted to her. With every rare time that Astra had allowed herself to relax and chat in Alex’s company. With every time she would simply hold her for long moments after sex, as if she knew just how lonely and starved Alex was for affection on that strange planet. The truth was, Alex was in too deep before she realized just how far she had fallen, and even now, with tears streaking down her face, she couldn’t hate Astra for making her feel that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, suddenly, there were soft fingers in her hair, stroking through it comfortingly. The tenderness of the gesture was achingly familiar. Alex started, head lurching up, to find Astra staring down at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked stricken, as she studied the tears in Alex’s eyes. Alex hastily scrubbed them away, feeling both humiliated and angry at being caught like this. </span>
</p><p><span>“Astra, </span><em><span>what the fuck?</span></em><span>”</span> <span>She had a feeling that she was going to be repeating those exact same words, in that exact same order, quite a lot.</span></p><p>
  <span>“I had no intention of making you feel like this,” Astra said, and for once she actually sounded regretful. “Of all the things I had planned, none of them were supposed to lead to this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex furiously scrubbed away at her eyes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” she asked. “How did you get past-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off, eyes narrowing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard the departure of the diminutive guard who follows you around everywhere, and realized this might be the only opportunity I have to speak with you alone,” Astra said. “Reaching you was quite easy, without her around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex glared up at her, and then back down at the page, where her hands had been automatically scribbling down the translation of the poem as she listened. Astra’s gaze softened further, as she followed Alex’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never understood why that poem fascinated you so, out of all the ones in that anthology,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stared vacantly at the transcription. Carefully, she ripped the page out of the notebook, and folded it away into her pocket, before looking back up at Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why you’re here?” she asked. “To critique my taste in poetry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but it’s a poor example to present Krypton’s poetic output with,” Astra persevered. “I could recite you five better examples just from memory alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra!” Alex exclaimed. “I know you’re deflecting. What are you really doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It turns out that your Earth officials are quite a lot more welcoming to outsiders looking to explore your planet,” Astra said. “I simply had to reveal my credentials, and express a desire to learn more about this world, and I was allowed to come down for a temporary stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex breathed out. She had so many questions, fighting to get out in front of one another. The most prosaic out ran out in front.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Zod?” she asked. “He must be beside himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he is furious,” Astra said. “But, he will be furious regardless of how long I stay on Earth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex massaged her temples. She didn’t even know where to begin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know where to begin,” she said, therefore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Astra straightened up, her languorous behaviour left her, and suddenly she was every bit as stiff-backed as Alex remembered her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve come to set things right,” she said, frowning. “But that will have to wait, Alex. I don’t think I have much time left, before your guard comes back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-” Alex’s head was spinning, and then the memories and hurt and </span>
  <em>
    <span>anger</span>
  </em>
  <span> came flooding back, and she was on solid footing again. “Don’t you dare come waltzing in here like you’re allowed a place in my life again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked to both her sides, and then back at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that you don’t wish to-” she began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care what you know or don’t know,” Alex interrupted. “Get. Out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra simply stood there. Alex sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t come here simply to see you,” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked upwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you came all the way here, to a planet you’d never normally set foot in, for some other reason than that I happen to be here?” she asked the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, in fact,” Astra said. “Alex, hasn’t it occurred to you that it was strange that you couldn’t remember the bond between us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she said. “But, it was the accident... the trauma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off, but Astra didn’t say anything. She simply raised her eyebrows, and waited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a trick of the human brain,” Alex added. “When it undergoes something traumatic, it kind of locks away the memory, so that it doesn’t have to undergo that experience again by remembering it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra still didn’t say anything. Her eyebrows still had that bemused lift to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you saying?” Alex asked, finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The healer who treated you found something odd about your body,” Astra said. She frowned, looking puzzled herself. “They were unable to isolate what it was, but it certainly was not something that should naturally have been part of your cells.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was that?” Alex asked, skeptically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked bemused. “I don’t know. The healer simply mentioned its presence. We hardly had time to do more than resuscitate you, before Zod’s soldiers lost their patience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex huffed out a breath, torn between curiosity and impatience. “Then, what am I supposed to do about it now, Astra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really wish to go back, knowing that something has been done to your body without your knowledge or your consent?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex closed her eyes. Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> this ridiculousness was starting to make sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only have your word that this... anomaly even exists,” she reminded Astra. “You, the person who lied to me constantly for months. How do I know that this isn’t just some power play to get me back into your clutches, so you can play the saviour again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked like she’d been slapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I came here to help you,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex drew an aggravated breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get it do you?” she asked, close to tears again. “It wasn’t your help that I wanted, Astra. It was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But, that’s the only thing you know how to do, isn’t it? Helping people, without once asking if they </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be helped? No, you just decide what’s best for them, and then expect them to fall at your feet in gratitude, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked aggrieved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m concerned for you,” she said. “I don’t have much more time, Alex. You need to be on your guard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The only person who’s hurt me is you,” Alex said with a brutal incisiveness, not caring about the flinch that got from Astra. “The only person I need to be on my guard against is you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to listen to me,” Astra insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she seemed to stiffen, as if hearing something that Alex hadn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s back,” she said. “Your guard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, there was a rush of air, and Alex blinked, and Astra was gone.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a full ten minutes before Lucy came back into the room, but Alex spent exactly none of that doing anything productive. Instead, she was still standing around in the middle of the room, dazed by Astra’s abrupt visit and exit, when she heard the lock turn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still here,” Lucy observed, walking slowly into the room. “Did your dad come back early?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. Her head still full of Astra, she turned to Lucy blankly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” she said, and then spared a glance at her phone, which remained blank. “No, I think he’s at the meeting in Metropolis until tomorrow afternoon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For some reason, Lucy looked angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So your dad is still out of the city,” she surmised, “And you’re still here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Alex asked, and then realized that she had missed her usual lunch rations, which must be what had Lucy’s back up. “Sorry, I got caught up in my work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy didn’t look mollified, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was gone for more than half an hour,” she said, starting to look exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Alex prompted, able to read between the lines enough to know that Lucy had expected something of her, but unable to concentrate enough to figure out what it was, because every part of her brain was still focused on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Astra Astra Astra</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Did you run into trouble? Was I supposed to come looking for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy stared at her for a long moment, looking confused. Then she reached up, and toggled something on her earpiece, before addressing Alex again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really stupid, you know that?” she asked. “How did you manage to get out of Krypton alive, if you’re this unaware of what’s going on around you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned, closing her notebook. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy looked around, throwing her hands up in exasperation, before she turned back to Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you what,” she said. “Do you know why I’m here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex eyed her, wondering if she was drunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” she said slowly. “Lucy, I’ve known you for years.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, why am I here?” Lucy asked, insistently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re part of the security detail,” Alex replied. “Do you need me to write up a job reference for you, is that it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up and listen, smartass,” Lucy drawled out. “What I’m getting at is, hasn’t it ever occured to you how your dad could afford the security services of an agency like my dad’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that question dropped between them as lightly as a feather, she strolled right back out to her customary position outside Alex’s room.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Jeremiah Danvers finally returned from his trip, the burning questions that Alex had for him were distracted by the fat stack of books he dropped by her bedside table, with a grin that split his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got you some reading material,” he said. “Thought you might like something physical to handle, while you’re stuck in tests.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex pounced on them, throwing them into a haphazard jumble over her bed, as she skimmed through the back cover and contents of each one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been waiting for this research team to publish something for years!” she said, pointing to the one that had first caught her interest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got hold of a galley,” her father said, modestly. “Thought it might get you through the wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was feverishly rifling through, thoroughly distracted from her questions, when her father posed one for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heard from your mom lately?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Torn right out of her own personal heaven, Alex clenched her teeth, and then shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still not getting through,” she said, getting ready to stew again in the bitterness of that. “Maybe she has me blocked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father seemed distracted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, good,” he murmured, checking something on his phone. “Tell her I said hi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex set aside the book she had been leafing through, figuring that now was as good a time as ever to ask about the question that had been bothering her the whole time she had waited for him to return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad, why’d you hire Lane Security?” she asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pause, and then her father looked up from his phone, frowning in puzzlement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we have a lot of expensive equipment,” he said. “We can’t just depend on locks and keys to keep it safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, why them in particular?” Alex persisted. “They’re all high-level exmil. It’s not like anyone even understands the kind of research we do here, to warrant that kind of security.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father looked uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it sucks to have them following you around all the time,” he sighed. “It’s not for much longer, ok? It’s just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked why,” Alex cut in. “Not how long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father adopted a look that was startlingly similar to Kara’s when she was trying to hide something. The similarity, and the nostalgia that came with it, hit Alex like a punch to the throat, but she managed to breathe through it, trying to focus on what her father was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“- wasn’t my idea,” he was saying. “It’s part of the contract we have with our sponsors. They can’t risk the research being stolen, or smuggled out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The whole purpose of this research is to publish our findings,” she pointed out. “The whole point of my trip was to get material for your next book.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Jeremiah said. “But they just... they just want sort of a first look, just to see if there’s anything... sensitive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad, our grant is sponsored by Lord &amp; Luthor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her dad sighed, understanding what Alex was getting at without her having to spell it out. “Yeah, I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex spelled it out anyways, a ruthless urge rising in her to corner him. “They’re defense contractors. Surely you know the kind of information that they’d consider sensitive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like that,” her dad insisted. “The Board just wants to make sure that sensitive information doesn’t get out into the hands of civilians. It’s not that they want to adopt that kind of technology for themselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex remained silent, a new wariness falling over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were things she had taken for granted, before she had boarded that ship to Krypton. She had taken them for granted because she had grown up with them. She had taken the security detail as normal when she joined her dad’s research team, because he and everyone on the team had acted like it was normal. She’d never questioned the sponsorship, because the system had been in place with her dad’s crew before she was even born.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, now that she’d gone to a whole new planet and back, it was a different story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So why did you go over there?” she asked. “They usually only drag you out to Metropolis for the annual review.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her dad, if possible, looked even more awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have concerns about our testing equipment,” he said, sowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Concerns?” She echoed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They want their own internal labs to take a crack at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s hairs stood on end at the use of that word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crack at what?” she asked, barely managing to keep the malevolence out of her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her dad looked downright miserable now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They want to question you on your notes, and do their own tests on your body. It’s basically what we’ve been doing already, but they want their own scientists to take a shot at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrunk back. “No!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her dad flinched at the violence in her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a couple more months,” he said. “I’ll be there with you the whole time, and I’ll make sure things don’t get out of control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re going to be right next to me while they examine me like I’m a bug on a microscope slide,” Alex said. “Thanks, dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you do this, we’re set for life. We’ll be walking out of there with lifetime sponsorship for research, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached for her hand. Alex drew it away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” he said, pleadingly. “I promise, I’ll make sure nothing happens to you. Our team will be right there, overseeing the whole testing process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” she said. “I’ll go to their labs. Happy?”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex returned to her room that night, there was a bouquet of lilies on her desk, by her recorder. She frowned, and looked briefly out of the room. A different guard from Lucy was outside, ostensibly to give her a break. Alex frowned, and crept back inside her room, locking it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra,” she called out, looking softly around the room, as if she expected Astra to come crawling out from behind the bed or something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex thought for a moment, and crossed over to the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra?” she said again, still quietly. “I know you can hear me. You must be able to hear me, can’t you? Or, was all our research on how Kryptonian bodies react on yellow star systems wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was some moments before there was a reply, and it was only one word, barely audible above the wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex strained her head, but she couldn’t make out much more than something dark against the dark wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come down,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are cameras all over your building,” came the terse reply. “This is one of the few angles I won’t be spotted at.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed, feeling confused again, like everything was spinning out of her control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My father isn’t a monster, Astra,” she said. “You can just come and introduce yourself. He’ll probably be thrilled to meet a Kryptonian.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s wise anymore,” came Astra’s reply. “There is something wrong here, Alex. I don’t understand much about your world, but I do not think this is normal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex barked out an unamused laugh. “We’re scientists. Of course we’re not normal. Do you think a normal person would have gotten into a spaceship to make a deadly trip to a planet with an even deadlier reputation?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s reply was slow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, you survived,” she said, eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned, knowing exactly who was the cause behind her unlikely survival.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still angry at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let out a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, thank you for the flowers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, Alex.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll be flying over this weekend to arrange the final details,” Jeremiah Danvers said, as he concluded their weekly meeting. “It’ll be smooth sailing from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugged, only half-listening. As the weeks had progressed, she had gotten used to tuning out when his platitudes started, and tuning back in when relevant facts returned into play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father seemed to sense her disinterest, although he misinterpreted the cause of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no need to look so worried,” he said. “I know things have been tough for you lately, but I promise it’ll ease up when the transfer to their labs is complete.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex raised her eyebrows. As the weeks passed, the battery of tests that she had to undergo had steeply increased, as the team prepared for her transfer. But, the truth was, Alex didn’t mind them so much as she minded the feeling that nothing she did was under her control anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that,” she said, absent-mindedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you worried about your stay at their labs, then?” he pressed. “They’ve agreed to almost every stipulation we’ve pinned on them. I’ve had our team test all their equipment to make sure they meet safety standards, and they’ll be paying all expenses during the stay. You don’t have anything to worry about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex, who hadn’t been worrying about that, just made a neutral noise in response. Her father, once again, seemed to sense that she wasn’t impressed by his promises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Board members did insist that you... we stay in the lab-provided lodgings until the testing process is over,” he said, more hesitantly now. “But, I’ve checked everything over, and their premises are much better than what we’ve got here. They really went all out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nodded, and turned her gaze back down to the research files in her lap, which she had only half-heartedly been studying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s something else,” she said, laying them aside. “What did you do to my body?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeremiah looked aghast. “Alex, I promise you, we’d never have violated-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean now,” Alex cut in. “But, you did something to me, before I even left for Krypton. What was it, and what does it have to do with how I couldn’t recognize my own soulmate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shock on her father's face wasn’t feigned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your what?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of answering that, not before she got some answers herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did something to me,” she repeated. “What was it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father took a while to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was afraid you wouldn’t make it, out there by yourself,” he said, in the end. “We’re not- we’re not a strong species, Alex, no matter what we like to think of ourselves. Our bodies weren’t built to withstand interstellar travel like the Martians, nor have we bioengineered them to do so, like Kryptonians. We’re like sitting ducks out there, the moment we’re out in space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex frowned. “What does that have to do with this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just wanted to give you the best chance of survival that you could have,” Jeremiah said. “I asked for some... help, to fortify your genes. To make your body stronger, more able to withstand adverse elements. I just wanted to make sure my daughter would come back to me alive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s mind raced ahead of what he was saying. There was no technology on Earth advanced enough to do that kind of cellular level modification, and it wasn’t like a backwater like Earth received enough alien visitors to provide a steady stream of that kind of expertise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Coluan,” she said. “The Coluan who visited you, the one who escaped his homeworld. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the one who taught you how to do it, wasn’t he? That’s why you were spending so much time with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father nodded. “His people have taken bioengineering to a level of art. He was the only one I could trust to do something like that on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex felt sick. “Didn’t you realize there would be side effects? Didn’t you even bother consulting me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father looked conflicted. “You were still young, then. And I was only trying to help you. I could never have let you make such a journey without being sure that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let out an aggravated sigh, realizing that he wasn’t going to back down from his decision, any more than Astra had backed down from hers. It was like her life was full of people making decisions for Alex, thinking they knew what was best for her, and absolutely fucking her over in the process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” she said, fed up with trying to make him see sense, and instead sliding the notebook she’d been working on all week towards him. “The latest set of transcriptions of my notes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked a little disappointed as he took it. “Only one notebook this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve still got three whole sets of narration to get through,” Alex snapped. “What’s the hurry, if I’m going to be strapped to a gurney for the rest of my foreseeable future?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just for a few more months,” Jeremiah corrected her, softly. “And I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right,” Alex replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That reassurance did not bring the comfort that it once would have. If her father thought he could protect Alex by always being by her side, Alex now saw the other side of that coin: he would be watching over her every move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her pen almost clattered out of her hands, as she realized that was what Lucy had been getting at, all those weeks ago. Alex should have known immediately from the way she’d left so abruptly, on that afternoon while her father was away. Lucy was too professional to do something like that while on duty. Alex had chalked it up to the fact that they had known each for so long, but now she second-guessed that assumption. Had there even been an emergency, in the first place?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Alex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked up, realizing that he had been asking her something. She managed to not show anything of her thoughts on her face, though her heart was beating a mile a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked if you wanted to go for a ride,” Jeremiah said. “There’s a Sundollar up the road that’s open late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex blinked. “But you said-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeremiah sighed. “I think one day’s break from the rations won’t matter too much, do you? I know I’ve been trying your patience these past few weeks, but I promise that it’s almost over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex softened, finally reaching out to take the hand she’d rejected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” she whispered, stroking the back of it soothingly, a tiny bridge extended towards him. “I’d like that.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Alex and her father came back from the drive, it was late enough that the guards who had been posted at the front of the lab building had been switched out. By the time she had said goodbye to him and reached her own room, though, it was still Lucy outside it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy rolled her eyes when Alex tossed her the bag with the extra burger that she’d negotiated from her outing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Alex said. “A nice change from the salads. You’re not a squirrel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy snorted, but she still accepted the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex stifled a yawn, as she went into her room, immediately closing it behind her and easing the lock in, clearly intending to go straight to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This has cheese in it,” Lucy called through the door. “You know I hate cheese!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, Alex wasn’t listening anymore. With the door locked, she tossed her coat onto the bed and made a beeline for the washroom. Once safely secluded, Alex stared hard at herself in the mirror, her shoulders loosening into uncontrollable shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father had bought it. She was pretty sure he had bought it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Alex had needed to act much. It had genuinely been amazing to get out and stretch her legs. And that burger... every bite had been heaven. Alex’s arguing for a second one hadn’t been feigned in the least, so sick was she of the rations by that point. Even her happiness on the drive back, with the top of the car open and the wind flying through her hair, hadn’t been entirely pretend. Alex </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>been happy to have that carefree side of her dad back, just like their long drives in her youth. Maybe he’d enjoyed it just much, Alex thought, from how broadly he’d smiled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that didn’t mean her father didn’t know what he was doing. He had isolated her, and just when Alex had shown signs of her awareness of her situation, just when she had started to reject his word, he had extended that tiny little olive branch in the form of an outing, knowing that just that one bit of kindness would get Alex back on his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex breathed out, splashing some water over her face before reaching for the soap. He should have known better. He should have known the kind of daughter he had raised wouldn’t be one to fall for such an obvious psychological trick. By the time she left the washroom, she was composed again, ready to play her part to precision. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It occurred to Alex to wonder, as she turned off the lights, whether Astra was still around. Would she come, if Alex called for her now, or had she already grown tired of waiting around? Alex was half-afraid to find out, in case the latter turned out to be true. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she stood in the middle of the room, listening to the sounds from the hallway outside. Satisfied to hear nothing out of the ordinary, Alex grabbed her flashlight, crept under her bed, and turned it on, to study the crude map she had been making of the lab building. With every passing day, Alex had been painstakingly marking on it every security camera and guard point that she spotted, when making her way through the hallways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her father thought that he had her exactly where he wanted her. He was probably asleep right now, secure in the knowledge that he would very soon be flying back to Metropolis again, to arrange the final details of the transfer of her to their facilities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smiling with grim satisfaction at that, Alex took out her pen, flashlight between her teeth, and got to work.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was late afternoon, and the sun shone unforgivably through the glass windows of the building, as Alex walked along the hallways with studied nonchalance. Hope flared deeper inside her with every moment that went by without an alarm being blasted, or shouts in the distance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was two hours after lunch, and Lucy was, as usual, gone on her break. Alex’s father had already left for Metropolis in the morning. Alex was supposed to be resting from yet another exhausting barrage of tests that she had taken in the morning, to prepare for her transfer. Instead, as soon as she had heard the stomp of Lucy’s boots receding down the hallway on her break, she had slipped the sheets off her and crept out of bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex walked forward another few steps, and then stopped again, ears straining for any noise. She had forsaken countless hours of sleep every night to plan this route of escape out of the lab, through a basement exit that was rarely used, which was only reachable through a mostly unused row of hallways. She was so close, now; she just needed to reach the exit, and she could slip out like a thief. Not even her father would be able to track her down, once she melted herself away into a crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned another corner of yet another hallway, and her hope died out so suddenly that her breath caught. There, arrayed were five guards in dark navy uniforms similar to Lucy’s, their weapons pointed directly at her, silently lying in wait for her all this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not supposed to be down here, ma’am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wilted. She should have guessed; there had to be security cameras somewhere that even she had missed, in her careful sweeps. She dove back into the hallway that she had exited, and even got in four paces, before the first guard tackled her. They both went down like a sack of bricks, Alex’s body taking the brunt of the impact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She coughed, stars flaring in her vision as she tried to struggle up. Just when she thought she had shrugged off the weight of the guard bearing down on her, Alex felt the barrel of his weapon pressed to her temple. She felt her already squashed hopes deflate just a little more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put that thing away.” Lucy’s furious voice came from around the corner. “You were instructed to restrain her unharmed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex coughed out blood, and fought to see clearly, briefly catching Lucy’s eyes as she approached. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were supposed to be out the whole hour,” she wheezed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I bet you wanted me to be.” Lucy glared down at her, before turning her attention back to the guard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said, let her go. What are you doing pointing that thing at her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She ran,” the guard protested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care,” Lucy snapped. “My father told you that she’s too precious an asset to knock around.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the lowest setting. It’ll just scramble her brains a bit. It’s her body they want, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were sounds of movement, and then Alex felt the weapon leave her temple. An arm went under her back, propping her up half-way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me-” Alex heard the first guard begin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got her,” Lucy’s voice said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we have orders to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said, I’ve got her,” Lucy snapped. “My father asked me to bring her directly to him, so unless you want to explain to him why you went against his direct orders, step back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex feebly tried to kick out again while she was distracted by the guard, only for Lucy to subdue her without even looking in her direction, with a brutal kick to her abdomen. Alex wheezed, feeling the breath go out of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There, now why don’t you slackers go back to guarding the perimeter, instead of pretending it takes all five of you to subdue a wayward scientist?” Lucy spat out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were sounds of the guard shuffling out, fading out into the distance. Alex coughed out, trying to get her breath back so that she could make another attempt at an escape, but she immediately found herself dragged away by Lucy towards the other end of the hallway, where the staircase was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucy, you don’t have to do this.” Alex managed to get the plea out, although it was difficult, considering that Lucy was dragging her up a flight of stairs with no regard for her injuries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally managed to get a glimpse of Lucy, her face was grim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Alex. I already gave you a chance to get out of this. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told </span>
  </em>
  <span>you that you shouldn’t have come back. I gave you so many chances to get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inexorably, she dragged Alex up another flight of stairs, and Alex felt the last flare of hope leave her, her body too weak to even put up even a cursory fight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please-” She hiccuped, her lungs seizing. “I did everything he asked. Why couldn’t he just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She trailed off, coughing, but Lucy didn’t let up, still mercilessly dragging her up more flights of stairs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get it, do you?” she griped. “Do you really think your dad has any say in this, no matter how much he loves you? Lord and Luthor paid for all of this, Alex. For me, for my father, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and they don’t care about you, except for what’s in your head and the cells of your body.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hazily considered this, as her body took more battering. Somehow, Lucy’s words made things better. It was comforting to know that her own father hadn’t allowed someone he’d hired to point a weapon at her, even if it didn’t actually change anything about her current situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s... good,” she wheezed out. “That’s really good, Lucy. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucy simply grumbled, too busy hauling Alex up yet another flight of staircases to continue dispensing free therapy to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, abruptly, it was over. There was a final impact of her body against cold stone, and then Alex felt herself being lifted into a blinding light. She blinked, realizing they must be on the roof, and that she had forgotten how bright Earth was, compared to Krypton. Despite her valiant efforts to see something through the bright yellow haze, all she could make out were blurry outlines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Lucy suddenly sounded urgent, as she dragged Alex across the sunbaked roof. “You need to get her away right now. I was hoping for more time to execute the plan, but she decided to be a dumbass and try to escape by herself. I’ve headed my dad’s guys off for now, but they won’t listen to me for long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex opened her eyes again again, fairly certain that she was the dumbass in question, and that Lucy must therefore be speaking to someone else. All she managed to do was to get a direct eyeful of sunlight, causing stars to explode in her vision, before she found herself lifted into the air, gently this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, a familiar voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We really do have to stop meeting like this, Alexandra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was when Alex’s body decided that its job of keeping her conscious was finally over.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex awoke to a dull pain in her stomach, and a feeling as if her entire body had been weighted down with lead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her first thought was that she had been moved to another facility by her father. A bleary look at her surroundings, though, pinged something else in her memory. She had been here before, Alex realized, studying the bedroom that she was in, with the expansive walk-in closet that was neatly arranged from top to bottom, and the messy clothes strewn about the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A dim memory came to her from years ago, when Lucy had invited a reluctant Alex to a housewarming party she had been holding with her then-boyfriend. Alex blinked as she tried to remember his name... John? Jack? James?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as the memory hit her, she tried to jump out of the bed. Her body just gave a pathetic flop instead, pain shooting out from her abdomen again. Alex grunted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More carefully, she poked one leg out of sheets, and then the other, shuffling sideways until she was almost on the edge of the bed. Then she used the comforter as leverage to slide her entire body down, landing bent over on the floor. Her stomach decided to grumble just then, and Alex took a quick look at her watch. Unless it was broken, not even two hours had passed since she had first made a break for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She strained her ears as she heaved herself to her feet, but could make out no sound except the humming of the vents in the walls. Her stomach grumbled again, reminding her how long it had been since she had eaten real food. Throwing caution to the wind, Alex half-walked and half-stumbled her way to the door, straight in the direction of where she remembered Lucy’s kitchen to be. After she got some food into her system, she reasoned, she could figure out where to go from there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was stumbling through the hallway enroute to the kitchen, when Alex realized that the humming hadn’t been coming through the walls after all. The faint noise had resolved itself into an unearthly resonation from the back of the apartment. It was literally unearthly, in that the cadences didn’t meet the threshold for anything a human would consider music.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex changed course mid-stride, despite her overpowering hunger, to fling open the door to the balcony instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The singer straightened up languidly from where she had been leaning against the balcony railings, and turned toward Alex with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex merely blinked. She couldn’t have conjured up that exact tone of casual condescension, nor the way those familiar fingers trailed lightly across the railing; it was an oddly delicate move now, for such a powerful being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re shocked,” Astra acknowledged, and then tilted her head towards the glass of wine she had just set down. “I have to say, I don’t see the appeal of these alcoholic drinks you kept raving about on Krypton. They taste disgusting.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>Astra</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” Alex demanded, staring at Astra as if she had seen a ghost. “How did you find me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra raised her eyebrows, not expecting that to be the first thing directed at her. Alex must be more rattled than she had realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You forget, I can always feel you, wherever you are,” she reminded Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex subsided, face flushing a little, though she was still staring intensely at Astra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen,” she muttered, feverishly running her fingers through her hair. “You can’t... you can’t just come swooping in to save me every time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was offended. “Those men were about to shoot at you, or have you forgotten?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the way Alex was pulling at her hair, it was due to make a departure from her head soon. “Yes, but that’s not the point!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your diminutive guard told me you were in danger,” she said. “I could hardly ignore such a warning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucy!” Alex looked afraid for a moment. “You didn’t... you didn’t hurt her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was insulted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not,” she said, and could not help the bitterness that entered her voice. “You seem very concerned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra!” Alex exclaimed. “Are you out of your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra belatedly realized that she ought to look chagrined, but Alex seemed to be on a roll, now that she had remembered her anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You come waltzing in here, and accuse me of- of-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She seemed too incoherent with rage to continue, if the daggers she were shooting at Astra out of her eyes were any indication. Astra had thought she was the one with laser eyesight, on this planet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re still angry,” she observed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m still angry!” Alex shouted. “How dare you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the fury of her tone, there were tears streaming down her face. Astra wondered if she was whom Alex was truly shouting at, or if this was the venting of months of frustration, of being let down by her own father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You let me leave!” Alex shouted at her. “You didn’t even try to stop me! You never came by even once!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made your feelings clear,” Astra said. “From the beginning, you told me that you wanted to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have apologized!” Alex shouted, senseless to reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would that have made you stay?” Astra asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Alex slammed a fist a against the wall, and then jumped, cursing and cradling her injured knuckles. “I would have fallen at your fucking feet, if you had just bothered to give me one measly apology!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra moved forward, laser-focused on the injury. “Let me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off,” Alex snapped, stepping away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something inside Astra broke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she snapped back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had to use a mere fraction of the power this planet’s yellow sun afforded, to push Alex back against the wall inexorably, until she had crowded her against it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get off,” Alex grunted, shoving against her chest, before banging at it with her fists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stood there like stone, until the fight died away from Alex, and she looked up at her, breathing hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Astra whispered then, into the cocoon of silence between them. “I should have asked you to stay. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I desperately wanted to beg you to stay? Because I did, Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fight seemed to go out of Alex at those words, and tears leaked out of her eyes. Astra moved to thumb them away as gently as she could, and savoured the way that Alex closed her eyes and leant into the touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Alex whispered back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was afraid that it would change everything,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s face clouded, and she looked ready to shout again, so Astra hurried on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I didn’t know how to bring it up at the beginning,” she said. “Anything I said when we first met would have been construed either as a lie, or as coercion. You already felt like you had no choice in anything that had happened to you on Krypton, and you would only have resented me for taking that one last bit of freedom away from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed, and turned away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even supposing that I agreed that this was a halfway okay reason to keep me in the dark on this,” she said, “You still had months after we got to know each other, to tell me the truth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra inclined her head in acceptance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once I started lying, it was simply... easier, to continue.” She hesitated, and decided a clean breast was advisable under the circumstances. “It was simply the easiest thing to do, at first, to send you away like you wanted. But, when you started opening up to me, when you allowed me to learn who you really were-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She realized that she had strayed away from Alex’s gaze to focus on one of the side walls. Resolutely, Astra forced herself to meet Alex’s eyes again, as she continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I began falling in love with you,” Astra whispered, not daring to say the words louder, “It was then that I realized that I could never tell you, unless I risked losing your trust altogether. It was too late before I realized that it was too late, and I had to live with my deception from then on. Nor could I ever truly blame myself for deceiving you in the first place, because you would never have allowed us to grow as close as we did, if you felt that you had so little choice in the matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You make a lot of assumptions about me,” Alex said, “But, not once did you bother to ask me if anything you thought about me was true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could I, without revealing what I knew?” Astra countered. “Even if I did, how could I ever prove that to you, when you didn’t know it yourself? You would have believed that I was lying, and you’d be entirely justified in doing so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you listening to yourself?” Alex looked confused. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span> would you lie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For you?” Astra asked. “Why would I not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex flushed, and looked away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s thoughts came to a screeching halt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex,” she began, haltingly. “I promise you, that was the truth. I have learned my lesson about lying to you. Never again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Alex was frowning, and her head was shaking, as she somehow looked at Astra and yet through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I don’t think you’re lying,” she said, her voice thoughtful. “But, there’s something more here, Astra, more to your deception than just a need to preserve my freedom to choose. Nobody is that selfless or noble, not even you. So, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her gaze finally focused, and her eyes were trained on Astra’s own. They weren’t accusing or even angry; they were soft, understanding, ready to take whatever blow Astra was about to unleash on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Astra was terrified. Not of physical harm, or even death, but of what this fragile little human was going to think of her, if she truly let herself be seen by her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the real issue here?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra frowned. She opened her mouth, and nothing came out. Her throat tightened, and her eyes stung, as though her body was willing to even let Astra cry, before it would let her speak the most painful truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The truth is that I’ve spent my entire life under the shadow of someone whose example I could never live up to,” she said, eventually. “The truth is that I simply never believed that someone could love me, when a better version of me was nearby. Not even you, the person who was supposedly meant for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t explain the way you treated me,” Alex protested. “I understand feeling inadequate. My parents-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But did you grow up from infancy with a mirror of yourself beside you, who effortlessly met every standard that you couldn't even attempt?” Astra asked. “Who was held up in every way as your better, and who was so thoroughly goodhearted about it that you couldn’t even hate her for it? Can you imagine loving utterly the one person whose very existence made your life seem worth... less?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wore a stubborn look on her face for a very long time, before she looked away, and swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone I had even the remotest interest in, only had to look to my side to find the better version of me,” Astra said, and then frowned. “Alex, do you know the real reason why I chose Non, even though I knew he was so thoroughly unsuitable, from the start?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you bringing him into this?” she asked. “If you think for one moment that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he was the first person who looked at me, and only me,” Astra interrupted, brutally forging on. “And for that reason alone, I chose him, and well, you’re aware of how things turned out. I realized, after that disaster, that this was simply how things were going to be. It became an accepted part of my existence, from then on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chanced another look at Alex, who didn’t look so visibly furious anymore, although she didn’t look entirely placated either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until I saw you, that is,” Astra added. “And everything that I thought I knew, and everything I had decided about how my life would play out, was turned upside down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let out a shaky breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t even know me,” she whispered. “I could have been your worst nightmare, for all you knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Astra said. “But, I let myself dream. I don’t fully know why, but for once in my life, I let myself hope for something... idealistic. And then, you woke up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex flinched. She had to know what was coming. Astra forged on regardless. If she was going to admit the truth, she was determined to do it thoroughly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You woke up, and you didn’t even remember me,” she murmured. “You looked at me with such terror in your eyes. I thought things might be different, after we had talked, but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had covered her face with her hands, so it was hard for Astra to parse how she was reacting to this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an idiot,” she said. “I was astray in a strange land, Astra. Of course I was terrified! Of course I was upset! But, that doesn’t mean that I would have... that I would have-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Astra admitted. “But, I was hurt, and I don’t tend to act rationally when hurt. My pride was wounded in a way that I hadn’t allowed it to be wounded in decades. My hopes had been dashed before they even had a chance to fully flourish. I knew then, that I could never tell you what we really were, could never face that final rejection, when even this glancing one had hurt so terribly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Alex murmured through her fingers, her hands still covering her face. “You need so much therapy, you self-loathing idiot. I’m still going to kick your ass, but after I do that, I’m driving you to the nearest psychologist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra frowned, quite sure that she had missed a few words in what Alex had just muttered, but she waited, rather than requesting clarification. Finally, Alex sighed, and revealed her face again. She didn’t look angry anymore, simply grave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worthy of all this heartburn, you know,” she said, her voice low. “I’m just some washed up scientist whose only claim to fame is that I have two famous parents who have accomplished much more than I ever will. You had absolutely nothing to feel inadequate about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You forget that I come from an isolationist planet,” Astra said. “I knew next to nothing about your parents before I met you, other than that one of them had written a rather inaccurate book about my people. Everything I love about you, Alex, has always been your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex flushed, and looked up at Astra. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have been so cruel,” she said. “You were forced to live in my house, forced to be bonded to me, forced to stay on a planet whose people didn’t care for you, and you could have paid me back for all of those things with the cruelest, most cutting words that you could find. Instead, you chose to be kind. You were even compassionate, something I simply could not understand. How could I not fall in love with someone so big a heart, even against my will, even knowing that I would lose you in the end?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had tears in her eyes by the time that Astra had finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t lose me, you idiot,” she said, and then sniffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was quiet for a few moments after that, and Astra didn’t dare to break the silence, in case Alex changed her mind. Then, Alex spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was proof,” she said, her voice even quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s mind stalled. “Proof?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard you,” Alex said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She bit her lip, and stared up at Astra through her lashes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had Alura take me to the remains of my ship, and I got access to the recorder, and I- I heard your voice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She swallowed and looked down, her hands toying with the front of Astra’s shirt, tugging at the collar and then smoothing it back down, before repeating the action, the touch of her fingers burning through the fabric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me it was going to be alright,” she whispered, and her fingers tightened their hold on Astra’s shirt, as if involuntarily. “I remembered you holding me, and that’s when I Knew, and I should have remembered, but there was so much going through my head right then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra watched her, obsessed and hanging on to every word, but it seemed that Alex was done speaking. Her fists released their hold on Astra’s shirt, and she looked up at her, eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t move,” she warned, “I’m going to kiss you, and I may not stop even if you ask me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra looked away at the words, and studied the side wall, trying to get a handle on the deep well of yearning that only Alex seemed capable of opening up inside her. When she thought that she had it somewhat under control, she looked back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me,” Astra clarified. “I think there was an ‘over my dead body’ implied, the last time we broached this topic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smirked in response, and reached up to frame Astra’s face with both her hands, her thumbs stroking against the side of her lips, which twitched involuntarily under the caress. Astra moved forward as Alex leaned further back against the wall, automatically closing the scant distance that remained between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last warning,” Alex whispered, tugging her close enough that only a hair’s breadth of distance remained between their mouths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra merely raised her eyebrows, a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Alex finally kissed her, it was the softest kiss that the two of them had ever shared. Even the way her nose bumped against Astra’s before they settled into a rhythm, was gentle. It was Astra who made a needy, demanding noise against her mouth, and deepened it, pressing her own body against Alex’s with an almost indecent intimateness. If it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> indecent, Astra didn’t care. She was too consumed by kissing Alex while the strange sun of this star system beat down on her, giving her the powers to hear just how fast Alex’s heart was beating, how tiny capillaries were bursting in her lips under the pressure of Astra’s own, and how she made barely perceptible noises against Astra’s mouth whenever they briefly separated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they finally broke apart, Alex was wheezing. Astra was prepared to be smug, before she realized that she was shaking with exhaustion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so tired,” Alex whispered, almost collapsing into Astra’s hold, as it tightened around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without another word, Astra lifted her up; it was so easy, on this planet. Carrying her over to the small table in the dining area, Astra deposited her on the nearest seat, before staring in puzzlement at the fact that it had four separated legs. Experimentally, she tried to tuck Alex’s legs behind the two front ones, assuming that was the purpose of the stumps, before Alex chuckled and freed her legs, dangling them under the table with a contented smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was a little offended at being laughed at, until she noticed how wan Alex still looked, despite the happiness on her face. Her own heart tugged painfully at the sight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your friend informed me that there was some food leftover in the refrigerator, when she allowed me to bring you here,” she said. “We’ll start with that, and plan our strategy from there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra managed to reheat the food without any major disasters, albeit with the help of an entirely-too-amused Alex narrating instructions to her on how to use the heating elements. Afterwards, she simply sat on a nearby seat, watching Alex wolf down the food with barely a breath between each bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom,” Alex said, as soon she had finished the last bite, as well as the entire container of water that Astra had set on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra blinked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom?” she awkwardly repeated the word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mother,” Alex expanded. “We need to go find her. I have a feeling that she might be able to make sense of some of this mess.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Astra flew Alex to Midvale, the journey was brief, but her mind was well-trained enough in anxiety that she was able to come up with almost fifty ways in which her first meeting with Alex’s mother could go wrong, before she even hit the ground. Alura would have been proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, there turned out to be not much opportunity for the first encounter to go wrong. Alex had already been flagging with tiredness when they had set off. By the time they landed on the front porch of Elizabeth Danvers, causing the woman to come running out the door, Alex had enough energy to make only the briefest of introductions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra,” she wheezed out, pointing in an arc from Elizabeth to Astra. Then, pointing from Astra to Elizabeth, “My mom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she swooned in a dead faint.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Taking a little longer to upload these last couple of chapters bc I hadn't actually drafted them before like I had the previous ones, so I gotta write them instead of simply editing, lol. </p><p>Thank you for reading, as always!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. my heart of gray, beneath such colours bright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Astra caught Alex before she hit the ground, and carried her into the house, with Doctor Danvers offering very little resistance. In fact, Alex’s mother seemed to have thoroughly gotten over her shock by the time Astra had draped Alex over the first horizontal surface she found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong with her?” she demanded, stepping around Astra and taking Alex’s wrist, thumb placed automatically over the weak pulse. “Who did this to her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In truth?” Astra didn’t mince words in her revelation. “Her own father.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll kill him,” Doctor Danvers said, with a sudden and savage rage. “That bastard. He told me that she had refused to see me! How could he do this to his-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the words were siphoned away into a hiss of rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He thought that she would be grateful to him one day, for what she was allowed to help him accomplish,” Astra said. “Alex would have been infamous, if she had collaborated with her father until the end. She is, after all, the only human to land on Krypton and return unscathed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doctor Danvers stared at her. “Are you defending him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I offer a perspective that is consistent with his character.” Astra knelt, so that she could study Alex’s face, and see the faint facial twitches as she breathed. “You scientists have been known to do dangerous things to yourselves in the name of research, Doctor Danvers, and Alex is as purebred a scientist as any I’ve ever met. No doubt her father thought that she would one day understand that her physical sacrifice was worth it, for the renown she’d gain from it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up to see Doctor Danvers regarding her with both puzzlement and affront. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s my daughter, not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>sacrifice</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra belatedly realized that she was now two-for-two on making unfavourable impressions with Alex’s family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She simply needs time to rest and heal,” she said, in an attempt to course-correct. “Mentally and physically, he has exhausted her to the point of human limit, but I don’t think permanent damage has been inflicted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There better not have been,” Alex’s mother said, grimly. “Or I’ll bury him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stalled. Being familiar with the progeny of this human, she had a feeling that the threat wasn’t unsubstantiated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she’ll need more sustenance as well,” she said, after a moment, before getting back to her feet. “I’ll need to go and ensure Agent Lane is not in any danger. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lane?” Doctor Danvers looked puzzled again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucy</span>
  </em>
  <span> Lane? What is she doing in all this? And who are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra shook her head. “I think we should get more extended introductions established after your daughter is awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left Alex to the devoted attentions of her mother, before walking out the door and lifting off into the air, back in the direction of the very building that she had freed Alex from.</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time Astra had ensured that Lucy Lane was safely in the company of M’gann, and away from the vengeful clutches of her father, she returned to find Alex still in a deep sleep. In fact, Alex slept through most of that day and the next, clearly needing the rest after the weeks-long ordeal that her father had let her be put through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra watched her from a chair by the seat of the bed, vacating it only when Eliza came in to tend to her daughter, though the woman was so plagued by calls from this government organization or that in her efforts to secure Alex's status on Earth, that Astra mostly had Alex to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By nightfall of the second day, Alex was shifting fitfully in her bed, her breathing disrupted from its previous deep rhythms of sleep. Astra still kept to her vigil by her bedside, periodically shifting her gaze away from the book Eliza had pressed on her, to simply stare at Alex. This behaviour went unnoticed until the very early hours of dawn of the third day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's a word we have on Earth for watching people asleep," Alex said suddenly from the bed, and although her eyes weren't open when Astra looked at her, her lips were quirked up. "It's called stalking."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can tell me to leave," Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How about you come to sleep instead?" Alex murmured, patting the empty space next to her on the bed, still without opening her eyes. “There's still a few hours left before morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra tucked herself back against the chair, careful not to use enough force to break it (again. Eliza Danvers had been very understanding of the first time, even if she had looked a little startled.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The powers that your yellow sun gives me make it unnecessary to sleep," she said. "What better way to pass the time?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She supposed she could be out flying, taking some time to properly explore the planet, as she had done during the days when Alex had refused to see her, but her body seemed curiously reluctant to leave the proximity of Alex, and Astra wasn't inclined to fight it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex hummed tunelessly into the silence between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra,” she said, some moments later. “Did you really mean it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra tried to work out the context for the question. “What did I really mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes were still closed, but there was now a furrow between her brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you said you loved me,” she said. “I was so delirious then, and now I’m afraid I dreamed it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra considered it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she said, eventually. “Of course I love you, Alex, although sometimes I felt like you were doing everything in your power to keep me from feeling the slightest positive emotion towards you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex huffed out a laugh, and she didn’t look offended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, there were times when I wanted you to hate me,” she admitted. “Maybe I thought I would feel less guilty, that way, when I left. Or maybe I just thought it would be so much easier if...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her words died away. She opened her eyes to smile gently at Astra, as if to take the barb from the confession, and reached out to grasp her hand with her own, the movement clumsy with sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra clasped it back, and felt her heart constrict painfully, at the thought that she had almost lost this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If I close my eyes, I'm afraid you'll be gone again," she whispered. "Is that a strange fear, that everything you love can be torn away from you in an instant? It's one I've harboured all my life."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex swallowed and shook her head, her gaze turning even more gentle and intense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come here," she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra went to her, abandoning the fear that she could hurt Alex with her powers, on this planet. Carefully, she arranged herself against Alex on the bed, though Alex herself clung to Astra fiercely, as if she thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>she </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the indestructible one. She grasped one of Astra’s hands with intention, and Astra let it be guided under Alex’s shirt, resting against the soft skin of her stomach. Alex sighed in satisfaction, as if that simple contact of skin against skin was what she had been seeking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm right here, as you can feel," she said, and closed her eyes again. "Good night, Astra."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra let her eyes fall closed as well, though she didn't go to sleep. "Good night, brave one."</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite her protestations that she didn’t need to sleep, Astra woke up the next morning to find that the sun was quite high in the sky, and that she was alone in the bed. As she threw aside the covers, she registered that there were voices coming from somewhere in the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra stilled, and fell back on the bed. Sheets still half-draped around her, she listened to the words being spoken, which were as clear to her as if the speakers were standing right next to her. From the sounds of something hissing accompanying the speech, it seemed that the two were in the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> come to see you off,” Elizabeth Danvers was saying, sounding sorrowful. “But, I got turned away. What your father didn’t realize was that his sponsors had Lane’s men posted all over the entrance. They pointed their weapons at me, and told me to drive away, if I wanted to keep you safe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you didn’t want to see me.” Alex’s voice broke off in a hiccup mid-sentence. “I thought... I thought you were still mad, about our argument.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sweetie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a pause, and a rustle of garments, and deep intakes of breath from both, from which Astra surmised that they had embraced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would never have let that stand in the way of seeing you one last time,” Eliza Danvers said, now. “Just because I disagreed with the course of action that you and your father decided to take, doesn’t mean that I would ever stop loving you, or worrying about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause, during which Astra almost fell asleep again, lulled into complacency by the strange peacefulness of everything. Then, Alex spoke again, quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe he did that to me,” she said. “He let me go out there all alone... I can’t believe I didn’t realize how messed up that was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault.” Elizabeth sounded remorseful. “I should have known how he was shaping your views, I should have been more involved, I should have taken you away from him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s laugh was half-bitter. “You know I’d never have come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elizabeth sighed. “I know. But ... maybe if I’d been a better mother, a less critical one, you might have listened to me more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra was feeling more and more intrusive the longer she listened, realizing that this was years of family history that was being laid out between the two women, a history that she had no right to be privy to, as a stranger. Slowly, she floated out of the covers and over to the window. Unlatching it as silently as she could manage, she launched herself out of it, deciding to join M’gann and the diminutive human that she had befriended.</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Astra didn’t allow herself to return until the evening, forcing herself to stay away long enough to give the mother and daughter the privacy they so clearly needed, to begin repairing their years-long misunderstandings. Despite her pull towards Alex, she found herself sufficiently distracted between making plans with M’gann and Lucy on how to move forward, and responding to increasingly irate messages from the Kryptonian embassy, which had reluctantly let itself be roped into the small diplomatic fiasco that Astra had created. By the time Astra managed to return to Midvale, it was dark, and Alex was waiting for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t look surprised when Astra opened the window latch and floated in. The only thing that escaped her mouth as Astra straightened up was a yawn, from which Astra surmised that she had been about to return to bed, before her arrival.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex did not look irritated at Astra’s interruption of these plans, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you run off to?” she asked, a smile playing around her lips. “Are you that scared of meeting my mother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra scowled, which only seemed to make Alex’s smile widen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s out in the garden,” Alex said. “She likes to just chill there sometimes. Like someone else I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Astra said, staring automatically through the window she had entered through, although it didn’t face any garden. “Would you like me to go and join her, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh no,” Alex said. “She doesn’t like to be distubred there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled at Astra she neared, toying with the buttons of her nightshirt. Motionless, Astra watched as deft fingers released the first button, and then the next, until the shirt hung open to reveal a column of bare flesh. Astra stared, her eyes riveted on the hint of a familiar swell of breasts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” she said again, and her lips twitched into a smile, as she belatedly realized what Alex had been hinting at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s body was rocked with silent laughter, as she finally reached Astra, and started tracing playful kisses up the column of her throat. “I love you so much, you oblivious little idiot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And really, Astra should have been quite offended, but Alex spoke the words with such open love in every syllable that all of her protests evaporated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When their mouths finally met, it was with a fervent intensity, as if trying to make up all at once for every moment of intimacy that had been stolen away from them in the past months. Astra wrapped herself around Alex as they kissed, and lost herself thoroughly in the feel of Alex’s body against her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she was on the bed, lying on her back, before she realized that she had been maneuvered there, and Alex was draped on top of her, smiling down at her with an odd mix of fondness and concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna take such good care of you,” she whispered, looking at Astra intently. “You’re never gonna be sad again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra exhaled slowly, feeling that powerful thing move inside her again, at the tenderness with which the words were spoken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unlikely,” she replied, just as quietly. “One of us will manage to annoy the other before the week is over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes narrowed in mock-exasperation. “You know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tender look returned to her eyes, as Astra felt stray tears escape her own. She didn’t care at all, just then, at showing so much vulnerability in front of someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Alex asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one has ever said anything like that to me before,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smiled crookedly. “Good thing I came along, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra nodded, feeling that powerful thing move inside her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, they were back to kissing, Alex pressing Astra down into the sheets, and drawing sounds out of her that Astra would have been mortified to admit even to Alura. But it was when Alex tore herself away from her lips, and her mouth wandered further down, that an appalling yelp escaped Astra, one that could easily have been taken for one of pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex immediately looked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” she said, levering herself up on one elbow, as she stared at Astra with concern. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra had to work her jaw for a few moments, before coherent words returned, as she looked down at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Non never made me feel the way you feel,” she whispered. “Not even a thousandth of a fraction of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The concern on Alex’s face melted away, to be replaced by a smile that teetered somewhere between satisfied and infuriatingly smug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without further ado, her head disappeared back between Astra's thighs. Her arm popped up some moments later, though, to guide one of Astra's hands down to rest on her hair.</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Astra had predicted, they had their first argument before the week was over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why you are so worried!” Astra snapped, looking up from one of the flimsy Earth ‘magazines’ that Eliza Danvers had lent her, which Alex had been trying to tug away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand why you’re not!” Alex snapped back, giving up the tug-of-war and returning to pacing around the room. “I can’t believe you’re going to just lounge around reading tabloids, while your embassy argues with Zod and your sister about what to do with us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this your way of giving me your blessing for my alternate strategy of threatening the Kryptonian ambassador?” Astra asked. “The Council has already censured me twice for starting arguments with diplomats, but I’m sure the third time will be the charm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex simply looked more frustrated, at her weak attempt at humour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is not the time for sarcasm,” she hissed out. “Don’t you understand how worried I am for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve disobeyed Zod before, Alex. He’s used to insubordination from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not you!” Alex shouted, pacing around the room again. “I don’t just... Astra, the last time I broke the rules so catastrophically, I ended up stranded on a strange planet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last time you broke the rules so catastrophically, you met me,” Astra reminded her, coldly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex huffed and paced some more, before returning to collapse against Astra’s chair, burrowing her head into her lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean,” she said, her voice muffled against Astra’s thigh. “I’m just worried about what he could do to you, if he gets his hands on you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra softened, and ran soothing trails through Alex’s close-cropped hair with her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said. “At worst, Zod will have the Council ban both of us from Krypton. His vengeance cannot stretch its hand out all the way here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s reply was a frustrated exhale of breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a horrible worst case scenario,” she said. “I don’t want you separated from your family and everything you worked your whole life for, just for me. Not to mention, I don’t know what the bastards who sponsored my father will do, if you stay here and they get their hands on you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave them to your mother to deal with, unless they try to harm you again,” Astra said, grim promise in her voice. “But, I’ve learned from experience that trying to impose your will on Zod only makes him furious. Better to let my sister maneuver him. He has no legal standing to oppose my return, after all. The will of Rao dictates that soulbonds are supreme to every other obligation except that of blood, so I had every right come and find you, under the laws of my people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not going to just accept that. You know that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if he’s pushed into it,” Astra acknowledged. “But, Zod is no fool. He’s aware that Kryptonians are growing tired of his particular brand of ruthlessness, and he knows that punishing me for doing as Rao’s tenets guide me to do, will be exactly the excuse the Council needs to depose him from leadership. He’ll eventually let himself be talked into leniency, as long as he can convince himself that he came to it of his own free will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was many moments before Alex spoke again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could punch him,” she said. “Just one punch, solidly on his supercilious nose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s fingers worried the top edge of the page, on the cusp of turning to the next one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The dream of every officer who had the misfortune to be assigned directly under him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She reluctantly abandoned the magazine, deciding that her curiosity about the exploits of the 13th Kardashian dynasty could be satisfied later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If waiting for the results of this diplomatic... incident bothers you so, I have another activity that we could busy ourselves with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex eyed her. She finally looked amused, although humour hadn’t been Astra’s intention, this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not having sex again,” she said. “I’m already scarred from Mom coming back home early the last time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did not in fact mean that,” Astra replied, rising from her seat, and holding her hand out to Alex. “Now, I believe my niece asked you to deliver a letter to someone?”</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Astra had intended, Alex was kept thoroughly occupied for the next two weeks, trying to locate the friend whom Kara had so desperately wished to send a letter to. This entailed Astra flying her around to various locations as Alex requested, searching high and low for a correspondent whom, after all, could only be identified by a first name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra wasn’t particularly displeased by this turn of events. Exploring a new world with Alex wasn’t a chore, especially as Alex seemed content with the meandering pace that Astra set. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, when Alex finally asked her to fly her to one unremarkable farmhouse that was situated on a stretch of grassland that was indistinct from all the other stretches of grassland that seemed common to the area, Astra knew that she had finally found the right location.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked puzzled, as they landed in the middle of one of the fields, even though she had been brimming with nervous triumph when they had set off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, really,” Alex murmured. “Just... this is not the kind of place I was expecting someone with access to interstellar communication technology to live. No wonder it took us so long to find.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moved towards the door of the house, and Astra hung back by unspoken agreement. She looked up into the sky instead, breathing in the sunlight that gave her such strange powers on this alien world. In the distance, she could hear Alex knocking on the door, as if she were right next to her. Even further in the distance, there came an adult voice, ostensibly in response to the knock. But Astra didn’t listen, and sat down on the ground instead, almost covered by the stalks of the green grass that grew so abundantly on Earth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glanced back many moments later, when the sound of a door opening finally reached her ears. Even through the curtain of grass, Astra could see that it was clearly not the owner of the shouting voice who had answered the door, but a girl who couldn’t be older than Kara. She was standing on the threshold, and staring up at Alex with puzzled eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t look fazed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking for someone,” she said. “Does a Tess L. Mercer live here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a silent pause, as the girl eyed her warily, but something about the expression told Astra that Alex hadn’t been mistaken in her search. Alex seemed to come to the same conclusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Tess,” she said to the still-silent girl, as she took out the letter that she had so carefully saved. “I’ve got a letter for you, from an old friend.”</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was quite a while before Alex returned, with a fresh letter in her hand addressed to Kara, and a smile on her face, that widened when she saw Astra sitting in the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to go home?” Astra asked, getting up and trying to preserve some of her dignity, although this attempt was marred by the fact that her suit was wet from the rain that still clung to the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s fond smile only widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, actually,” she said. “There’s one last place I need you to take me.”</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all the intricately mapped out locations that Alex had requested her to fly them to in the past two weeks, Astra was understandably confused when Alex’s instructions this time were simply to “Fly north, and just keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Twenty solid minutes of flying later, albeit at her usual meandering speed, Astra was still at a loss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What could you possibly have to show me this far north?” she shouted at Alex, to be heard above the roar of the wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep going!” Alex shouted back, pointing ahead wildly to emphasize. “We’re almost there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost where?” Astra asked. “At this speed, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the wind that suddenly took the rest of the words out of her mouth, but her own gasp of surprise, as she suddenly came upon exactly what Alex had brought her here to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There,” Alex said, unnecessarily, as they drew nearer to what already consumed Astra’s vision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With an open mouth, Astra watched the green and violet and blue lights play over the dark sky, her attention so riveted that her landing was turbulent, the steepness of their descent causing Alex to yelp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, once on the ground, the both of them could only stand side by side, staring up into the vast cosmic lights playing out in the sky above them, which dwarfed both their existences without even trying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Alex who first broke the reverent silence that had fallen over the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Northern lights,” she said. “Pretty sure you don’t have these on Krypton.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Astra agreed, clutching Alex’s arm as she watched the light show, still awestruck. “I believe they emit there primarily in what you would call the ultraviolet spectrum, which is certainly not as spectacular as this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stole a glance at Alex, to see if she had impressed her with that rather basic bit of Earth knowledge, but Alex looked downright delighted at it, beaming at her with misty eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, something inside Astra simply gave away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex started as Astra fell to her knees, her hands wrapping around her legs in supplication. Astra had never been much of a believer in anything, not in Rao or the old gods, but she was as fervent as any penitent worshiper, as she clutched at Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost failed to come back for you,” she confessed, in a voice cracking with grief. “I almost made a mistake so fatal that I think my soul must have died along with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was aware of Alex kneeling awkwardly, and putting her arms around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, you’re here now,” Alex whispered. “You came back, and we’re together. It’s okay, Astra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Astra pulled back from her embrace, Alex’s face had a fond smile playing on it, but she also looked sad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” she said, and then, “Your really must’ve missed me, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra took her in, bathed in the crimson and green lights of the poles, and nodded mutely. Alex folded herself back into her embrace, breathing against her neck and sending Astra’s hair flying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I should get going,” she whispered, after some time had passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra felt her shiver in her arms, and realized belatedly that the human was still too fragile for such harsh weather, even wrapped up in layers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should fly you back to Midvale before you resemble an icicle,” she agreed, getting to her feet, and extending a hand towards Alex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex waved the hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wet her lips, and reached up to kiss Astra, slow and full of intent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like it when you get like that,” she said, when she finally pulled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra opened her eyes, and closed her mouth belatedly. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With your eyes all glassy and unfocused,” Alex said, studying her intently. “I like that I can make you do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled her in, and Astra prepared for another kiss, but Alex just rested their foreheads together instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been thinking,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked shy, as she pulled away from Astra. When their gazes met again, her fingers strayed to the sleeves of her coat, worrying the frayed threads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been talking to my mom,” she said, quietly. “She was kind of disappointed that she missed her only kid getting married, and she was even more disappointed that there... well, there wasn’t much of a wedding, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra felt her heartbeat, which was usually almost fatally slow on this planet, suddenly peak into a hammering pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex, what are you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex looked around her, at everything except Astra, and the fingers that had been worrying at her sleeves dug into her coat pocket instead. She came out with a clear gold ring, unadorned with gems or embellishments. She suddenly looked very nervous, as she finally met Astra’s eyes again, and held her unoccupied hand out. Automatically, Astra reciprocated, only for Alex to flip her hand palm-side up. Then, she knelt. Once again, Astra automatically went to follow, only for Alex to hurriedly gesture at her to keep standing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Astra stood, not fully understanding, but knowing that something important was happening, by how terrified and emotional Alex looked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you say?” Alex asked, her voice cracking partway through. “Astra In-Ze, do you want to be my wife, properly this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the clear instructions not to, Astra sunk to her knees, clasping both of Alex’s hands with her own. The sudden movement caused the ring to fling itself out of Alex’s already shaking hands, and almost bury itself in the snow, if Astra hadn’t caught it at the last moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let out a slow breath, and put her hand over her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not how I pictured this going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra pressed the ring back into her free hand, closing Alex’s palm safely around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>I say?” she asked. “This is clearly a rite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fingers covering Alex’s face separated, and she studied Astra through the gaps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she said. “You just say yes. If you want to, I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra smirked. “I think that was implied.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d make this difficult,” she said, but Astra could see that she was chewing the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amused or not, Astra could not help the way her heart clenched when Alex slid the ring onto her, a look of intense concentration on her face, as though she was determined not to drop it again.  By the time the ring was safely on her index finger, and Alex was drawing her in for a kiss, tears were escaping Astra’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know a bracelet is customary for you,” Alex murmured. “I’ll get you one once we get back to Krypton, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra wiped the stray tears away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need,” she murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waved Alex into silence, as her mouth opened to protest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have something for you as well, Alex. Alura reminded me to take it along, when I left to find you. I’ve never let it out of my possession since then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s eyes were wide, but she remained silent, as Astra dug into the inside of her suit, fiddling with the clasps, before drawing out something in a box, that simply looked like a pile of iron shavings at first glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents wished for my sister and Zor-El to share this,” she murmured. “But, Zor preferred to adorn her in the gold bands of his house, so this was passed down to me. It has been in my family for generations.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was still silent, staring at what was in Astra’s hand with expectant curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose the right time to have given you this was on the day of our actual wedding,” Astra said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head, and finally spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have appreciated it, then,” she said. “You know I wouldn’t have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all the tacit encouragement Astra needed,  to trail the metal shavings around Alex’s outstretched wrist. Alex watched, riveted, as Astra nudged the slivers of metal, and they arranged themselves in an intricate pattern around her wrist, before interlocking together and clinging like a second skin. Under the lights of the aurora, the pale metal flashed in reflections of every colour that Astra had imagined it would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Alex said. “You have got to tell me how you make something like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra smiled. “Even I don’t have the power to get the Artisans’ Guild to reveal their secrets.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was still staring at the circlet now adorning her wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The metal has to be interacting with the blood in my system somehow, right?” she murmured, holding it up to her face, to study it closer. “There’s no other way, unless-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fell to indistinct muttering, her forehead getting more and more furrowed. Astra waited, feeling an odd wave of fondness and peace wash over her, until Alex remembered herself again with a start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she said. “I haven’t even said yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Customarily, your acceptance of that is answer enough,” Astra said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Alex said, and threw her arms around Astra without further delay. “I love you, Astra. I’m going to enjoy being your wife so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, for the second time that night, Astra found herself crying, although it was not as if something new or groundbreaking had been revealed with those words. She had no time to feel embarrassment, though, before Alex’s own tears were falling against her neck, as her hold around Astra tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, bathed in the glow of the polar lights that Astra had dreamed for decades of seeing one day, the two held on to each other, lost to everything but the happiness they had found in each other.</span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>Epilogue</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Astra didn’t respond, Alex tapped her on the arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra kept sleeping. Never one to let dozing generals lie, Alex shook her, waited a few minutes, and shook her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra snarled, and tossed herself over to the other side of the bed with a sleep-addled grumble of “I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying</span>
  </em>
  <span> to rest, Alexandra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can sleep later. You promised to have breakfast with Mom and Lucy, when J’onn’s ship lands tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra snarled again, and hid her head under a pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is torture.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you don’t want to go to dinner with Mom?” Alex asked, innocently. "If we cancel, that leaves us open to accepting the invitation that Alura extended to all of us at the estate this evening. You’d prefer that, is that what you’re saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra made a disgusted noise from under the pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As entertaining as it would be to listen to my sister hint for the tenth time that we should redo our wedding properly now that we’ve returned, I prefer to have my nights free when I’ve only just been allowed to reunite with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex reached down and ruffled her hair, which earned her another noise like an offended cat. Shaking her head, Alex left Astra to sulk, and went to do her own washing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she returned, drying her hair with a towel, Astra was up and blinking blearily at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your fault,” Astra grumbled. “I never used to sleep later than dawn, before I started sleeping with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah.” Alex hummed, and straddled her lap, wrapping her thighs around her hips and squeezing with intention, while Astra stared up at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll remind you that I need to look your mother in the eye across a table in a mere hour from now, brave one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed and got off, tossing Astra a presentable-looking shirt and trousers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky I’m so understanding of your terrible disposition.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the woman who almost threw a mug of tea at me, the last time I dared quibble with a research paper she wrote,” Astra remarked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled on the chosen pair of clothing without protest. She seemed to be more and more willing to shirk her suits lately, both to Alex’s happiness and dismay; intimidating as the uniforms were, she couldn’t deny that Astra cut a good figure in them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You deserved it,” she said. “It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> shift in measurement systems. The underlying math was still solid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra actually rolled her eyes, before crossing over to hug Alex from behind, nosing against the buzzed hairs of her neck, something she had recently taken to doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll concede the point, my dear scientist, if you will please let the argument rest now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Alex subsided, and leaned back against her. “I think my mom is thinking of joining J’onn full-time on the ship. M’gann says they’re getting along famously.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra made a noise against her neck, as if to signal that she was listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be easier for you to see her this way than if you had to petition for a permit to travel to Earth every time, wouldn’t it?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess.” Alex wasn’t too worried about her mom. “I’m a little worried about having to work in close quarters with her for half the year, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J’onn has many ships.” Astra sounded unbothered. “I think he can manage to get you separate assignments, if it really comes to that. Did your mother not spend the majority of her youth traveling in other star systems, before she met your father?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed. “I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s stray mention of her father put a momentary dent into the happy bubble that was her current existence. Even though Jeremiah had eventually come around and apologized to Alex, she was having a hard time letting him fully back into her life. She had thought her mother would push her to forgive him, after his apology, but Eliza had told Jeremiah exactly where he would be buried if he persisted in pushing Alex’s boundaries. For once, Alex felt like her mother was fully in her court, and it had done wonders for their relationship.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Astra nuzzled against her throat, and Alex let herself forget her lingering trust issues with her father, accepting it as a problem that only time could solve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hear Zod is already blowing a gasket about J’onn being allowed to dock in Kandor again,” she murmured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My poor commander,” Astra said. “I’ll have to find some way to cheer him up. Perhaps I’ll send him an invitation informing him that we intend to spend a ‘honeymoon’ in Starhaven, and that he’s invited.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra!” Alex turned around to stare at her, but Astra was looking innocently down at her shirt, as she buttoned it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex kept staring at her, until a sly smile curved its way across Astra’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be entertaining to see his reaction,” she said. “Forced to stand there, knowing that the soulbond is the only thing standing between him and the volcano that he would dearly love to throw us into.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head, although an amused smile twitched up her lips despite her best efforts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zod isn’t entirely wrong about you being evil,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He isn’t,” Astra agreed, and then she walked right back to the bed, fully dressed, and crawled under the sheets. “And currently, I’m evil that is in need of a rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Astra, we’ll be late!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if I time this precisely,” came the muffled reply from under the sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are such a brat, sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex let her wife roll herself back under the blankets, realizing this was not a battle she was going to win. She figured Astra was allowed the rest, as she was still struggling to adjust back to life on Krypton a whole month later, after the changes that her body had undergone on Earth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, just as Alex was going out to the kitchen to get some tea for herself, she couldn’t resist a final jab.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you really are planning on inviting Zod to any honeymoon of ours, I just may kill you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Astra’s reply was sleepy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do it after I wake up, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shook her head, smiled and went out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Took me a while to write the last chapter because another hyperfixation got in the way, ahem, lol.</p><p>Thank you so much for reading this, and for the kind comments you guys have left on this and messaged me 🥺🥺🥺 It was a real joy to write and I hope you guys enjoy the ending!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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